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Original poster

Daughter doesn’t want me to take job offer

164 replies

Theyulelog · 29/07/2025 17:45

I am a qualified gymnastic coach, have been out the game for a long time due to children, hours etc.
my teenage daughter is a gymnast, she’s at the club everyday.
I have another job working in a supermarket, which I hate. I love my old job as a coach but nothing about especially with cost of living crisis.
i have been offered a job at my daughters club. I was over the moon but my teenage daughter is screaming and shouting, crying and begging me not to take the job as she goes there to be with her friends and enjoy time away from home. She doesn’t want her mum there. She says I’m selfish and it’s ruining her life.

im so sad I mite have to give up my dream to have any relationship with her. Our relationship is very strained as it is.

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 29/07/2025 22:30

Take the job. Tell DD to stop being such a spoilt brat.

MissMoan · 29/07/2025 22:29

Sorry, but DD* doesn't get a say in this. Take the job.
She'll get over it

Original poster
Theyulelog · 29/07/2025 22:25

I’m getting the whole ‘you don’t understand me’ ‘you will never get me’ that’s my safe place and I don’t want you there.
everyone agrees with me, nobody really wants you there.
apparently I have also took the job away from a volunteer coach as well. Because they wanted me instead. The Only person who wants me there is the boss apparently.
my head is banging with the stress.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 29/07/2025 22:22

Think it's the tough route. Take the job. Walk away calmly from any drama that occurs. Let her see that you won't be engaging with her but beginners.

My friend had a lovely teaching job with SEN children at secondary school. When her daughter was due to move up omg the drama. She had to had to resign her post, they couldn't possibly be in the same school . Tears, screaming, drama. My friend didn't of course. Her son on the other hand just said don't embarrass me mum.

Girls are so dramatic sigh ...

healthybychristmas · 29/07/2025 22:17

I really feel for you but honestly I wouldn't want to work anywhere near her. Can you count down the days until she is too old for the club or is she likely to carry on for several years?

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/07/2025 22:16

"if I take the job she will hate me, make my life hell."
She's not exactly making your life all sweetness and honey at the moment.

Take the job.

(Edited for spelling)

ChocHotolate · 29/07/2025 22:15

I’m obviously taking a different view here but I do have some sympathy for your daughter. Obviously the tantrum and shouting etc is unacceptable but can no one else here remember that burning embarrassment felt towards a parent?
I can remember how much I would have hated this in her shoes. No it’s not logical or rational or even fair but that’s teenage emotions. If you ignore the emotions there may be lasting consequences for your relationship.
Sorry

VelvetHedge · 29/07/2025 22:11

I would take the job. I think it would be silly not to.You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for your daughter.

She can make her own decisions about gymnastics and whether she wants to do it or not. Assuming her parents can still afford it of course.

Teenagers can be very self involved. She might move out on a few short years and you don’t want to be left with nothing for yourself.

familyornot · 29/07/2025 22:10

I think it’s important that you take the job. She’s had her say, you’ve listened and taken it into consideration, but her opinion is not the deciding vote and if she doesn’t want to be around you then that’s her choice. She needs to learn that her extreme reactions will not result in her getting her own way. Once you’ve started the job she’ll see that you barely see each other, she’ll get over it OP.

Original poster
Theyulelog · 29/07/2025 22:08

Sunshineismyfavourite · 29/07/2025 20:58

Sounds like there has to be more to this. Your DDs reaction is so extreme. To say it's her safe space there, and if you were there then it wouldn't be safe for her? It all sounds very odd tbh.

I know. This is why it annoys me so much. She acts like she’s from an unloving home and being abused and needs to escape. Her safe place 🙄 I’m sick of her acting like a victim all the time. She is the same in school if teachers are on her back. Everyone else is at fault and she takes no accountability.
I can assure she wasn’t brought up like this.

OP posts:
Cacktus · 29/07/2025 22:07

Clearly she’s embarrassed by the thought of you taking a job on what she sees as her turf.

but anyway, she needs to be firmly told to pack it in and yes you should take the job.

Original poster
Theyulelog · 29/07/2025 22:03

I’m so upset. It’s been my passion since I was little. I got pregnant young and took on more suitable jobs in that time, had more kids so I’ve never been able to get back into it fully.
she has been attending the club since she was six. She’s never really wanted me there to even watch, because her friends go.
she competes and will still be there for years to come.

when my youngest goes to school, I would like to go into this job full time. But I’ve never been able to. And now my daughter is blocking me.
if I take the job she will hate me, make my life hell. Our crumbling relationship even worse.
if I don’t take the job I’m giving up a chance to do what I love, and pandering to her.
she has cried loudly non stop all night.
i wish I could just walk out and not come back tbh. I won’t but god I am so sick of this with her.

OP posts:
Londonmummy66 · 29/07/2025 22:03

Clearly then she needs to have consequences. SO you'll not take the job but no longer pay for either her phone or her gymnastics - she can figure it out

LIZS · 29/07/2025 21:59

Realistically how much longer will she be attending for? Is she elite potential or more social? Do other coaches have similar connections. Let her calm down overnight, presumably it is only a couple of sessions you might overlap.

Original poster
Theyulelog · 29/07/2025 21:55

yes her reaction is extreme. She says it’s her place to escape from school and home and doesn’t want me there.
we fight like cat and dog. As soon as she turned a teen she has made life hell for all of us. Tantrums, bad behaviour. We are in the middle of an adhd assessment. She can be great but with me and her dad she is awful. Her filth and mess is horrendous. We take the phone off her and she just sits there all day and doesn’t lift a finger. I think it’s adhd that overwhelms her. I should have added that in but I typed in in a state of upset. She is vile to me On a daily basis. Yes I do shout back, she is the one person who can make me angry. Nobody else. I’ve never hurt her but I’m sick of her behaviour

OP posts:
PollyBell · 29/07/2025 21:52

She didn't have to be so dramatic about it but I agree with her, sure in an absolute emergency I would do it but I wouldnt deliberately do this to my child

ChaToilLeam · 29/07/2025 21:27

Time to put your foot down and stop this little madam dictating what job you can and cannot do. Unless you are a monstrous parent, which I very much doubt, there's no reason why you shouldn't be there, your job will be to coach beginners and you will not have time to pay any attention to her.

When I was a teenager my mum worked at my school, so I saw her there every day as well as at home. She enjoyed her job and we appreciated the extra money coming in, I was a typical stroppy teenager in many ways but didn't expect to get a say in my parents' employment.

Wtafdidido · 29/07/2025 21:20

She needs to grow up and get over herself. You need the job and the money. Tell her if you can’t do the job she will have to find her own fees as you won’t be able to.

LittlleMy · 29/07/2025 21:17

WhereIsMyJumper · 29/07/2025 18:11

THIS
YOU are in charge OP, not your daughter.

Show quote history

Yes and Yes.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 29/07/2025 21:16

Fuck me. Take the job.

I'd be telling her to get a grip and grow up. If she doesn't stop this nonsense, I'd be telling her to fund her own training from now on.

ButterCrackers · 29/07/2025 21:01

This is your dream job that you are qualified for and have extensive experience of. Do the job. Tell your dd that you and her need the money. Are you paying her club fees and training? If so will you get a cheaper rate if you work there? In all cases she can get a job to pay this. She sounds ungrateful for the sacrifices you have made for the family.

Sunshineismyfavourite · 29/07/2025 20:58

Sounds like there has to be more to this. Your DDs reaction is so extreme. To say it's her safe space there, and if you were there then it wouldn't be safe for her? It all sounds very odd tbh.

Obimumkinobi · 29/07/2025 20:54

I'm curious as to how did the job offer come about? Did you approach them or vice versa?
Perhaps tell your DD that you need to get up to date experience and will look at moving on once you're back up to speed?

TyroleanKnockabout · 29/07/2025 20:42

Unless OP is missing a lot out here, the DD needs to get over it!

Merryoldgoat · 29/07/2025 20:42

Her reaction is extreme and is really want to understand why.

Why is your relationship so strained?