Daughter doesn’t want me to take job offer

Sounds like she doesn't see you as much of a person in your own right (not so uncommon in teenagers). I think it will do her good to see you putting yourself first, and having something you are interested in. It's not like you're putting your wants, in front of the needs of a tiny, defenceless baby. You're putting your wants, in front of the wants of another almost-adult, who is being unreasonable and also treating you badly.

If she doesn't clean up her mess, she should be grounded and not allowed to gymnastics anyway imo, that's tough love. ADHD isn't an excuse for being a brat. My OH is diagnosed with ADHD and has to take amphetamines for it, in order to hold down a job. He wasn't an arse to his parents though as a teen (they say so themselves), despite only getting his diagnosis as an adult. Even things which could be blamed on ADHD, like him struggling to do laundry, we obviously make some allowances, but he's aware he can't just endlessly be a pain about it - he has to make notes and really concentrate to get it right, or ask for help. It's difficult. But ADHD isn't a free pass to just say you're "overwhelmed" and that your needs are more important than other people's.

I know it's easy to say, but perhaps she needs to learn, as quickly as possible, that what other people think really doesn't matter. So what if some of her friends think, for some weird reason, that her mother shouldn't work at the gym? The sensible ones will say, in effect, why shouldn't your mother work there? It's a perfectly normal job. My DH has always tended to worry about what others, including total strangers think, and even he will acknowledge that his life has improved since it began to get through to him that it's just not worth wasting time on.

And perhaps some of her hurt will be alleviated when your improved income starts translating into a better standard of living generally.

This whole 'safe space' statement is just being spouted from school - my DD comes out with it, doesn't really mean anything....
You take the job, for financial reasons and to follow your passion. Let your DD have her tantrums - she's trying to control you (sounds like a toddler) and has to learn she won't win. If she really doesn't like it, she can always leave.

Sorry, but who cares if she's unhappy? If you were offered a job at twenty times the salary in another city and needed to move, would her unhappiness stop you?

She needs therapy OP. To work on her emotional regulation and self esteem.

Try using this script with her more regularly: “It makes sense that you feel that way. I get it.”
She needs to feel understood by you and that her feelings are acceptable. You do understand what lies behind her extreme emotional reaction so make sure you’re verbalising that to her (whilst also maintaining your own boundaries and needs which include taking this new job opportunity!)

Just ignore her and take the job.

Her behaviour is disgusting, and all the ore reason you need to put her first. If you can't both co-exist in this team, she has to be the one to leave. With behaviour like that she is hardly an asset is she? I'd phrase it as 'What if she kicked off at a competition? She clearly can't be trusted'
Being gracious when things don't go your way is a key element of sport. Sounds like you've done enough pandering to her.

Take the job. She’ll get over it.

It is indeed an awful situation.

I would pick the least-worst option - and take the job.

She needs to be told to grow up.

Firmly.

That screaming and crying; manipulation.

You need the money. You cannot let a spoiled teen make your job decisions and manipulate you using abusive behaviour.

You do get she's emotionally and verbally abusing you to get her way, don't you?

Has she ever had therapy?

My grand daughters can be very dramatic I try not to smile. Not so easy for their parents though.

Al this screaming and crying loudly all night sounds very performative, to say nothing of manipulative. I'd be inclined to put earplugs in and leave her to it.

She’ll get over it.

‘I know you don’t want me to take the job but it’s not your choice. We need the extra income and this is my passion too. So I’m sorry you feel the way you do, but you’ll have to accept my decision.’

Your daughter sounds entitled and if it was me, I would take the job just to teach her a lesson that the world does not revolve around her needs.

Children don’t get to make adult decisions, you need a job and this is well suited to your skill set. That’s as far as discussion would go in my house other than to agree ground rules while at work. The world isn’t going to work the way she would ideally like it so best get used to that sooner rather than later.

She's there every day, you'll be there two days a week, and you won't be teaching her group. She's making a mountain out of a molehill. Just take the job and get on with it.

It’s a life lesson for her. You don’t always get what you want

it’s a job you would enjoy. Why should you stay ata job you don’t like because of a stropy teenager

take the job

Take anything she says with a very large pinch of salt

Take the job and stop pandering to a very dramatic child.
She will get over it because she has to learn to grow up one day.

@Theyulelog Yes, the boss makes the hiring decisions, not the gymnasts and not the volunteers. That’s life and tantruming isn’t going to change it.

Please take the job. Turning it down because of her tantrums is teaching her that this behavior is effective in the real world, and it’s not. If she behaves like this at gymnastics, she’ll be asked to leave it.

Tell her that you can't afford all her gymnastics unless you take on this extra job. Realistically, who is going to have discussed your appointment with her, other than her friends? It would be very unprofessional for other, adult coaches to have spoken about it.

You know all of that is bollocks though. Bollocks and buzz words.

How old is she? I’m sorry but I have worked in the same school as my children, we had an agreement, we didn’t talk to each other and they referred to me as Mrs X if they were in my department. You do remember your the adult here right?
you won’t be teaching Her. If she doesn’t like it, she can find a job and help with the bills maybe.