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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not to disclose the ingredients?

169 replies

Sparklingred · 29/07/2025 15:57

My friend just got back from abroad and brought us some biscuits. They were super tasty and really buttery. DP ended up eating most of them.

When I wanted to bin the packet, I noticed they had lard in them. DP doesn’t eat pork for religious reasons. He’s not super religious otherwise, but that’s the one thing he sticks to.

Now I don’t know whether to tell him. I feel bad keeping it from him, but he’s already eaten them, and I’m worried he might get upset or blame my friend. She definitely didn’t mean any harm. She’s not the type to check ingredients, and honestly, we didn’t expect biscuits to have lard either.

YABU - tell him
YANBU - don’t tell him

OP posts:
Derbee · 29/07/2025 18:30

If he doesn’t bother readbig ingredients before he eats things, he’ll have eaten a lot more pork than he realises.

Not your problem, he’s an adult. I also think it’s concerning that his first thought would be that your friend did it on purpose. Either he’s a dick, or she is.

Helpmeplease2025 · 29/07/2025 18:29

The person with arbitrary religious food dietary needs should check the labels themselves.

Bumblebee72 · 29/07/2025 18:27

I think you need to tell him so he can pray for forgiveness.

Huggersunite · 29/07/2025 18:26

I have a family member who tries to make absolutely everyone around her responsible for her very specific dietary needs it is challenging to say the least. Your DH is responsible for his own dietary preferences and needs. I would be unimpressed if he tried to put that on your generous and kind friend.

Needsleepsoln · 29/07/2025 18:20

Neemie · 29/07/2025 17:36

And back in the real world where adults do sometimes get upset…

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Absolutely, haven't said they don't?
Not sure you've understood my post tbh.

It's not our job to preempt or absorb someone else’s reaction, especially when the upset isn’t even about us.

There's a line between empathy and emotional caretaking.

thenumberseven · 29/07/2025 18:09

If they are spanish biscuits with lard It will be pork , generally spanish biscuits don't contain lard, usually oil but the traditional " mantecados" are made with lard although increasingly they are being made with olive oil to cater for everyone
"Manteca" is spanish for lard therefore " mantecados" are traditional biscuits made with iberian pork lard, eaten traditionally at Christmas but now available all year round.

TheodoraCrumpet · 29/07/2025 17:59

I've been vegetarian for a very long time, and back in the day I knew to check biscuit ingredients for animal fats, ie distinct from butter. They weren't specific about the type of animal, so that wouldn't help your DH. Nowadays I only bother with things that come from abroad, as UK foods are usually marked as suitable for vegetarians when they are. It's important to me to be sure. However. If I'd unwittingly eaten something I wouldn't have chosen to, unless I'm likely to be offered the same thing again, I would probably prefer not to know.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 29/07/2025 17:58

It's not yours or your friend's responsibility to tell him the ingredients, he should've checked himself

GloriaMonday · 29/07/2025 17:56

@thiswilloutme ,did you have unicorn meat too?

tallow can be beef or pork, but beef fat is not lard.

ChompandaGrazia · 29/07/2025 17:56

thiswilloutme · 29/07/2025 17:55

I grew up eating lard on bread, like butter, it was always beef, never pork.

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That’s dripping, not lard.

thiswilloutme · 29/07/2025 17:55

GloriaMonday · 29/07/2025 17:06

@raininginlanzarote , Lard is pig fat. It isn't from beef.
Gelatine can be from pork or beef.

I grew up eating lard on bread, like butter, it was always beef, never pork.

ChompandaGrazia · 29/07/2025 17:55

Well I’ll be sure to check out the ingredients on Spanish biscuits in the future. I’m vegetarian and in all honesty I’d rather not know. Not the same as a religious reason I know.

GloriaMonday · 29/07/2025 17:55

Beef lard is not a thing @RoadAtlas , it's like saying beef mutton or beef ham.

tinyspiny · 29/07/2025 17:53

Don’t tell him , if he’s that bothered about what he eats then he needs to check labels like coeliacs have to .

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/07/2025 17:51

YouBelongWithMe · 29/07/2025 16:00

Are you not telling him for fear of his reaction?

Anything other than a 'Damn, am so silly for not checking the label before I scoffed them' is a concern really.

It might make him feel upset and bad about himself for eating it.

BlueBelle7979 · 29/07/2025 17:49

Not worth telling him. it's done and dusted now, forget about it.

ginasevern · 29/07/2025 17:49

"I worry he might think she did it on purpose or was insensitive to his dietary choices."

Why would he think she did it on purpose? Doesn't she like your partner? Is there history between them? Because, quite frankly, it would be a very odd assumption to think that someone would be that spiteful and that petty. As for blaming you - is it your specific job to read all the ingredients in everything he consumes? Has he abdicated all responsibility for his own diet and part-time beliefs? If so, why have you let it get to this stage? Also, you are obviously fearful of his reaction to this minor issue, which is in itself concerning.

Yumchips · 29/07/2025 17:44

He sounds like hard work

GloriaMonday · 29/07/2025 17:43

@Ademasstudio Lard is pig fat. If the fat isn't from pigs it isn't lard.

phoenixrosehere · 29/07/2025 17:42

From a quick google search, lard is pork in Spain.

Pinkissmart · 29/07/2025 17:42

Why are you and your friend responsible for maintaining his dietary choices?
Surely he is used to reading labels?

However, I would assume beef lard too. Maybe he did read the packet?

phoenixrosehere · 29/07/2025 17:40

Sparklingred · 29/07/2025 16:07

I just worry he’d feel bad when there’s nothing he can do about it now. Also, I don’t think he’d say anything about my friend, but I worry he might think she did it on purpose or was insensitive to his dietary choices.

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Why would he think that?

Is there some backstory?

Saying that, he could have read the packaging instead of assuming considering it is food from another country.

Plus, it being your friend, I would think the biscuits were bought for you not for both of you unless she said otherwise but again, reading is fundamental and he could have read the packaging himself.

Ademasstudio · 29/07/2025 17:40

So he doesn’t bother read label
and you don’t know that lard isn’t always pork

Not exactly… committed to the cause! 😆

Neemie · 29/07/2025 17:36

Needsleepsoln · 29/07/2025 16:17

You don't need to manage his emotions. He's an adult and should be responsible for his own emotions.
If you feel you need to do this then perhaps gently look at where this comes from?
Is he normally an emotionally disregulated person?
Or perhaps you grew up with an adult who didn't regulate themselves, and it fell to you to keep her peace for your own protection.

Either way, you can let that go now 🎉

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And back in the real world where adults do sometimes get upset…

Coconutter24 · 29/07/2025 17:34

I wouldn’t even mention it, if he was that concerned he should have read the label.

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