To find it weird that smacking kids is still normal?

This reminds me of my DD telling me that one of her friends had come to school late in second grade with a huge red mark across her face. This was in second grade (around 8 years old where I live). Her friend told my DD that her mom had slapped her because she forgot her water bottle. My DD was totally horrified. I could never look at her mom the same way again.

? Where are you getting these figures from?
I had a former work colleague explain to me once how and when he smacked his children. He also shoved one of his kids outside if he was misbehaving, after being spanked. It was in the context of talking about little kids, as everyone at the table had children under 5. He seemed to have no shame about it, and I was mortified.

Smacking, spanking, hitting, beating -- it's all the same. Violently attacking your children because you cannot handle their behavior.

YANBU. It’s horrible and shouldn’t be done. We don’t smack our DC. Though I shout more than I should and often speak too sharply to them.

Interesting that the only posters still advocating for smacking/hitting a child are those who have been hit themselves. The mindset of ‘it didn’t do me any harm’ prevails in some. Luckily it doesn’t wash with many of the rest of us and it’s thankfully being de-normalised as time goes on. Eventually I think it will be phased out altogether as those who were hit in the 70s/80s/90s die out. One can only hope anyway.

And for those saying it is a means to improve bad behaviour, research consistently shows this is not true. It is the most ineffective way to improve behaviour. Need to think a bit deeper about why some children are kicking off in schools today.

I don’t think that someone saying “a smack never hurt me” necessarily means they think it’s normal or ok. I was occasionally smacked as a child. I do not think it did me any damage. I do think it’s shit parenting though, and would never hit my children.

I don’t think it’s normal nowadays. I’m sure it happens but I think it’s very socially unacceptable.

Those of you who are utterly horrified at smacking a child as it would be illegal to hit an adult, unless you don’t do any punishing at all you are most likely doing something to your child that would be illegal if done to an adult.
for example:

confiscating an item - theft/emotional
ahuse
grounding - imprisonment/kidnapping
sent to room and told not to come out until given permission - emotional abuse

Children are treated differently to adults because parents are responsible for their behaviour.

I doubt it’s a direct correlation but it is a fact that the behaviour of children has got significantly worse since punishment reduced and that countries which still have corporal punishment have students that are well behaved in school (and have much better educational outcomes)

and the people above who are desperate for their children not to be scared of them. It’s a very small step from that to the plethora of kids who behave horrifically at school because they know their parents will never tell them off or back up the teacher. It’s an epidemic at the moment. Teachers being called cunts or being told to fuck off and the parent asking what the teacher had done to provoke the reaction while the kid gets rewarded for the mean teacher upsetting them. In these cases I think a smack would be better than the current alternative.

This is misguided. There was a study that showed that smacking children - how ever lightly - increased the risk of anti-social, aggressive and criminal behaviour in the child in later life. In other words, smacking increases bad behaviour, it doesn’t resolve it.

57% of parents have smacked their children, 29% in the past 12 months.

So it seems it is still fairly normal to hit your kids. 🙁

@drspouse I agree with you. It would make more sense to use the word ‘slap’. Better than smack/spank.

I was slapped a lot as a child, and hard. It’s hard to say whether it damaged me or not, because far worse things happened to me than that, as a victim of SA. But it did mean that I was afraid of my parents and hence less likely to be able to confide in my DM about what was going on.

A child who suffers physical punishment by their parents will not feel safe with them, and will be less able to confide in them if they are being abused, as they’ll be afraid they’ll be in trouble.

I know exactly what you mean, OP. I think it stems solely from the fact it’s not illegal in parts of the UK so parents CAN smack without legal sanction. To some people, the bar is that low.

In my view, hitting your child should feel inherently wrong to anyone who is not seriously emotionally damaged themselves. But, even if it doesn’t, I can’t understand the arrogance of ignoring papers published by experts explicitly stating the harm caused. Parents in the ‘80’s didn’t have access to these studies - but we do now.

And still some parents are ignoring this expert research outlying how smacking negatively impacts a child’s emotional development and self esteem. All for the “privilege” of getting to hit someone small.

I think we'd still be shocked if a wife said her husband had smacked her, though. Maybe we should use slap? As in, she slapped him when she saw him kissing her best friend, he slapped his girlfriend in the pub, the woman slapped her 5 year old on the legs.
Then it's clear it's not a punch but it's the equivalent word for adult and child victims.

I was literally told by my parents that 'smacking' wasn't hitting, that all parents 'smacked' their children, that it was part of loving your child and teaching them right from wrong, and that I must never say to anyone that I'd been 'hit' because people would get the wrong idea. (Ironically, they were so invested in the notion that all parents smack and it's fine that I don't think they'd have minded me telling anyone I'd been smacked!)

There's obviously some subjectivity around this, but I 100% believe having a separate word for hitting children trivialises the act.

Back in the day, a ‘smack’ used to mean a hit with an open hand. Whereas ‘hit’ used to mean a punch, with a fist. A ‘smack’ was legal (and still is, sadly) whereas a ‘hit’ as in a punch was always a criminal act. So it wasn’t just a euphemism.

That isn’t to say it isn’t used euphemistically today, obviously.

I remember being slapped around the face in public at 9 years old. To this day I remember exactly where it was and every time I walk past this place I feel sad for the 9 year old me.

I just remember feeling embarrassed. I think quite often parents back then took life’s frustrations out on their children.

Im in my 60’s. We were all smacked. It was horrible and not one of the five of us grew up to ever smack. If my now GC were smacked I’d go mad. It’s not been considered normal for at least 40 years

Me too, though not often, the last time was maybe a couple of years ago.

It is rightly considered assault if you do this to an adult, it's obviously more of an abuse and imbalance of power to do so to a child.
I was smacked, amongst other forms of abuse and it is totally needless.
'You're going to feel the back of my hand if you carry on like that!' and following through with it.
The threat of it was fear inducing enough for me.

I disagree. It’s a minimising word to make the assault sound less serious.

Edit - I realise I’ve used it in my first post, so added “”. I was using it to mean an open handed hit to the body, which I think is its general meaning, but we should really say hitting.

It should actually be an aggregating feature that the victim was a child, especially one in your care, rather than a defence - meaning it should result in a more serious sentence than hitting an adult. The same was as domestic violence between adults.

Some of the responses on here are so sad 😢

I don’t think it’s considered normal these days - as pps have said it’s illegal is Scotland and Wales. I don’t know anyone who smacks their kids and have never even felt tempted to do it myself.

Hopefully it will be illegal in England too.

I do remember my Mum “smacking” us in the way that was considered acceptable at the time, and it was definitely a case of loss of temper. No benefit to the child or their behaviour at all. Just adults feeling they could take their temper out on kids, which surely is a terrible example as well as anything else.

I'm a person who was previously smacked (and more) and I do not think it's normal. I cannot understand anyone who thinks it's ok to hit a child. All it does is teach them that you are not a safe person.

Yes, and that proviso is problematic in itself. My dad once broke my finger by grabbing my hand too forcefully trying to hold me still so he could smack me. The smacking was intentional, the finger breaking wasn't, he was 'only' trying to hold me still so he could smack me, but my finger still got broken. The only answer is zero tolerance of hitting children. I don't have kids but there's no way I'd have laid a finger on them if I'd had them.

When I was about 18 I witnessed a teenage girl physically batter a screaming toddler. I don't know if the kid was hers or if she was babysitting but she was screaming abuse and raining heavy blows upon this tiny child.

I just froze and when nobody else intervened, I eventually walked on but I've never forgotten the horror of it. I'd intervene in a flash now.

In the seventies, kids I was at school with used to refer to their dads 'leathering' them. I doubt they were actually hit with a belt but that's what that phrase means.

Only in England, it’s illegal in the rest of the UK.

Not only seen as normal, but legal. Parents assaulting children are protected under the law. It's barbaric.