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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that DD(8) and DD(1) will always have to share a room when older?

135 replies

roomnightmare · 29/07/2025 14:36

NC’d

I have 3DC: DD 8, DS 6 and DD under 1. DD2 is my DH’s child, older two have a different (same) dad. Before I get comments about bad planning, DD2 was a, very usually reliable, contraceptive failure. Obviously I’m thrilled she’s here now but we didn’t plan at all on having more children.

Currently in a two bedroom flat with a home office that we’ve made DS’ room. It has a high rise bed with his drawers and toys underneath and that’s it, it’s very small. We’d always planned to upsize but we can only afford a 3 bed here and even then, not many are in our price range. We can’t leave the area for so many logistical reasons and even if we could, DD8 would struggle greatly with moving and it would be detrimental to her happiness and well-being.

DS would actually love to share a room with DD2 but that’s not feasible long-term. DD2 is still in our room and will be until we move.

We’re viewing a 3 bedroom house which I’m trying not to get too excited about but would be ideal in terms of it being 3 proper bedrooms and it also has a very small home study which would mean that DD2 could have a cot/toddler bed in it and that she wouldn’t need to share with DD8 until she was out of the toddler years. But given that we can’t widen our potential area, AIBU to think that they will always need to share a room? Dining rooms are very rare here and if you’re lucky you might get a kitchen diner but not a separate dining room. I feel bad for DD8 as when she’s a teenager it won’t be amazing for her; I’d mitigate it as much as I could by letting her have friends round and either giving them the lounge or the bedroom and keep DD2 downstairs or in my room when she wants her friends over and again giving her peace to study when it comes to it. Has anyone else been in this situation? I feel like a bad mum but 3 bedrooms are usually £150k less than 4 bedrooms here and I don’t have that extra £150k+.

Sorry if the DD 2 is confusing, I just mean my second DD who is a baby.

OP posts:
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GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/08/2025 10:46

Would a small single work in smaller room? My son was fine in one until he was 11.

PeachShaker · 06/08/2025 18:11

Have you looked at town houses? Me and husband wanted a three bedroom but could barely afford the 2 and a half bedroom option, as I call it. That’s 2 bedrooms and a small room that could be a cupboard, office or toddler room.

Then we found a five bedroom town house for less than the 2 and a half bedroom houses.

Room sharing could change too - why not have the younger ones share now they are both small. They should get same gender rooms at age 10 or so I believe. Then you can review who is in what room as ages and needs change?

user1476613140 · 31/07/2025 15:55

lilkitten · 31/07/2025 10:57

It is normal unfortunately, since house prices are so high. We have a 2 bed terrace, DS14 and DD11. Last year we turned the living room into a third bedroom, so now they have a double bedroom each, and we have the one reception space (dining room connected to the kitchen, but now the living room). It's worked out really well - in our area, to move to a 3-bed with the third bedroom having more space than just fitting a bed in, we were looking at min £100k more than our current house, we just couldn't do it. For a couple of years prior to the refurbishment, we split the room by having a divider and DS had a cabin bed with enclosed space below for his PC etc. We now probably have the best space in the street for single rooms for kids, it's common for the kids to be sharing - next door have 5 kids in a 3 bed terrace, two of the kids sleep in the parents room.

Edited

More or less same situation as us except we're in a 4 bed.

UsernameCreateded · 31/07/2025 11:47

Yes it’s fine for sisters to share! Since you mentioned it, I don’t think it makes a difference they’re half sisters.

Could maybe do a sort of split with a large kallax unit and boxes in. Extra storage and more privacy. But even without I think it’s fine.

FitnessIsTheOnlyWealth · 31/07/2025 11:03

My girls have a similar age gap and they didn’t mind sharing for a long time (even though we have more bedrooms than people). However when DD1 got to year9 it became impractical. She had homework, stayed up late reading and just didn’t have the same routine as her 7-8 year old sister. Also, the things she was doing at that stage were making the little one grow up faster than she should - overhearing her sister on the phone, peeping into her books, seeing her obsess over hair/looks etc.
So we separated them and it was a huge relief. I wonder why I didn’t do it sooner.

I think even with best intentions it’s going to be hard to share a room with that age gap. You might want to consider the younger 2 sharing until DD1 is off to Uni.

lilkitten · 31/07/2025 10:57

It is normal unfortunately, since house prices are so high. We have a 2 bed terrace, DS14 and DD11. Last year we turned the living room into a third bedroom, so now they have a double bedroom each, and we have the one reception space (dining room connected to the kitchen, but now the living room). It's worked out really well - in our area, to move to a 3-bed with the third bedroom having more space than just fitting a bed in, we were looking at min £100k more than our current house, we just couldn't do it. For a couple of years prior to the refurbishment, we split the room by having a divider and DS had a cabin bed with enclosed space below for his PC etc. We now probably have the best space in the street for single rooms for kids, it's common for the kids to be sharing - next door have 5 kids in a 3 bed terrace, two of the kids sleep in the parents room.

Starbri8 · 30/07/2025 23:39

Hercisback1 · 29/07/2025 22:32

A poverty indicator 😂😂

Shit I'm second generation povvo.

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Me too !! 🤣

ShiverMeLogs · 30/07/2025 23:10

roomnightmare · 29/07/2025 14:53

@Imnotsurewhattodobaby2in both our house and the one we’re viewing, the second (DD’s current room) and the third in the house we’re viewing, the room is a loft conversion with slanted ceilings so you can’t split it as you can’t stand straight on one side. Not that DD’s room is big enough anyway currently to split regardless of the ceiling. I hear you though re period and privacy.

You take the loft then and split the room you and DH were going to have?!

Annatinks · 30/07/2025 22:59

roomnightmare · 29/07/2025 14:43

@Barnbrackyou wouldn’t fit a single size bed in this room, just a toddlers and that’s it. It’s an office, not a bedroom.

@Barnbrack we have this challenge with my son and we bought a 80x160 bed frame.

they’re supposed to last until approx 10-12yrs old (he’s nearly 5 and 112cm tall and loads of space) but it fits in a box space much better than a 90x190 single bed and amazon sell the right size sheets etc. apparently they’re popular normal sized in Germany (so says google)

Theresomethingaboutdairy · 30/07/2025 22:55

For reference I have 3 girls and 1 boy

BooneyBeautiful · 30/07/2025 22:53

MigGril · 29/07/2025 15:05

How big is the study? You cam get child sizes beds that are bigger the toddler beds but smaller then a single. We had them as bunk beds while the DC where younger before we could move to a bigger house. DD slept in hers constabulary till she was 10.

Yes, we had a small single bed in our box room. It measured 2ft 6ins by 6ft 3ins. Certainly not a problem for adult DD when she moved back home. Initially, it was DS's room when he was young. He had a small cabin bed in there.

Theresomethingaboutdairy · 30/07/2025 22:48

I don’t understand why the idea of parents sleeping on a sofa bed to allow the children to have their own space is so utterly alien to some. My children didn’t ask to be born and, as such, deserve to be treated equally and have their own space. We chose to have them and chose to sleep on a sofa bed downstairs. It’s not forever, we have one DD at uni now, and a DS hopefully going in September. I’m not sure how people can decide which children ‘deserve’ their own rooms? For me I couldn’t decide so they all got a room each and we sleep downstairs on a sofa bed. It’s not ideal but no way could I decide which of my children deserved their own room. We treat them equally.

Catsandcannedbeans · 30/07/2025 18:44

I had to share a room for years and it didn’t kill me. It’s a pain, but I would prefer to exist and have had to share a room than have never been born lol. Mine will have to share while we look for a bigger house once my third DD has been born. It’s character building…

NeedZzzzzssss · 30/07/2025 12:04

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user1476613140 · 30/07/2025 11:53

FlowersandElephants · 30/07/2025 08:31

Sorry if I’ve missed it but do you have a dining room?
I'm currently pregnant with my 4th baby but my oldest has left home so we’ll have 3 under 9 at home. Once the baby is here and needs their own space we are going to turn the dining room into a 4th bedroom and have a fold up table for eating in the lounge.

Sensible option. No point moving house if you can think creatively with what you've got. We didn't want an extension because it would have meant taking out a loan and we don't want to be saddled with debt at our ages.

Yes, sometimes sacrifices have to be made. We are creating a wet room downstairs now we are sleeping in a room downstairs so we can have our own washing facilities away from the DC. They can have the upstairs bathroom. The cupboard is huge so will be partly converted into a wet room. Thinking ahead incase we have any disabilities in the future...

StrawberrySquash · 30/07/2025 10:21

latetothefisting · 29/07/2025 15:17

Even if you can't get a bed in there the smaller room is still an advantage - it can be a mini playroom or similar when they're younger and somewhere to do home work when older, so still a bit of private space which is better than nothing. It's all very well for people to say "well they'll just have to share" but it's a pretty big age gap - at 15 she'll be going to bed a lot later than an 7 year old. At 18 she might be coming home from a night out at 2am while her 11 year old sister needs to get up at 7 for school, etc.

You could maybe look at building a proper summerhouse type shed in the garden as well that the kids could use as a hangout area if there's space.

There are also lots of clever ways a room can be set up to give them a bit of privacy.

Yes, couple it be a homework study so that the two girls have space to be apart when needed. Also if DD2 is short she might fit in a toddler for a while.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 30/07/2025 10:12

There are so, so many things worse than sharing a room... it's certainly not an issue round here...

Digdongdoo · 30/07/2025 09:26

user1476613140 · 30/07/2025 09:23

More like he cannot afford to move out to buy his own place.

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If he really hated it he'd fine a house share. You're just judging and assuming based on nothing at all.

user1476613140 · 30/07/2025 09:23

Digdongdoo · 30/07/2025 08:18

So you have no idea if they're unhappy or not? Save your sympathy for people that actually need it.
Life isn't always perfectly fair, most people can handle that.
If one of them is an adult and still living there he clearly isn't too miserable...

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More like he cannot afford to move out to buy his own place.

FlowersandElephants · 30/07/2025 08:31

Sorry if I’ve missed it but do you have a dining room?
I'm currently pregnant with my 4th baby but my oldest has left home so we’ll have 3 under 9 at home. Once the baby is here and needs their own space we are going to turn the dining room into a 4th bedroom and have a fold up table for eating in the lounge.

Digdongdoo · 30/07/2025 08:18

user1476613140 · 30/07/2025 08:13

Yes because they're crammed into one bedroom where the youngest gets a room all to herself until just recently! One of the other families I know do still have three boys in one room (one is an adult now) and the girl has always had a room to herself. Hardly fair is it?

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So you have no idea if they're unhappy or not? Save your sympathy for people that actually need it.
Life isn't always perfectly fair, most people can handle that.
If one of them is an adult and still living there he clearly isn't too miserable...

user1476613140 · 30/07/2025 08:13

Digdongdoo · 30/07/2025 07:31

Why do you feel so sorry for them? Have they given you any reason to believe they are unhappy?

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Yes because they're crammed into one bedroom where the youngest gets a room all to herself until just recently! One of the other families I know do still have three boys in one room (one is an adult now) and the girl has always had a room to herself. Hardly fair is it?

RubySquid · 30/07/2025 08:04

Strange how kids need their own space but apparently adults don't. Can't figure this out

Boredlass · 30/07/2025 08:03

I shared a room with my sister growing up until we left home. It’s not that big of a deal. We weren’t that close either

jeaux90 · 30/07/2025 07:57

It’s the teen years you have to be careful with OP. They can be difficult and sometimes explosive. My experience is if they don’t have their own space they storm out rather than storm into the bedroom. But look, you know your DC best and will do what you can to make it work.