Unfair Grandparent Gifts

They will certainly have their reasons. You just don't know what they are. I'm not sure what you'd hope to achieve by saying something. They have given their GC the amounts they chose, and I doubt they will equalise that because you complain. I suppose you could return to them the gifts you're dissatisfied with and cut them off. But if you're concerned about not having enough of their money for your children, you probably won't want to put an inheritance at risk.

I had a grandparent who favoured one child. Gifts were split by my parents between my siblings so it was even between us. I know there were rows about it behind the scenes when we were little. I think we were just told that gifts needed to be evened out because Grandparent was being unfair. They also had a mental illness which again we knew from a young age, so I think we all assumed it was because of that. I don’t think it bothered anyone, it was just inconvenient and the way things were. It continued into adulthood and we eventually just evened it up between ourselves as routine.

I think as long as your own children are kept equal, you can’t really do anything about the cousins, so will have to just ignore it.

Is this the youngest grandchild? Perhaps their financial situation has changed, like an investment come good? Or they were conservative with the older ones to make sure they had enough for everyone and now realise they do and splashed out on the last one? I really can’t imagine complaining about not getting more than a 2k gift and wanting a breakdown of why…this isn’t setting up your kids for a happy outlook on life. Imagine equating money with love and demanding that the grandparents treat everyone the same? Relationships are not all equal. We don’t owe anyone anything really.

At 18, I’d be wondering how much contact the grandchild has with them. At that age some teens will put in the effort to have a relationship - calls/texts/regular visits, and others will not put in any effort. Obviously no one can force an 18yo to do anything - but there are real life consequences/rewards for putting effort into relationships. Rather than it being pointed (it’s not like the other gc have been ignored, 2k is still incredibly generous) it may be they wanted to do something extra for the one they have a special relationship with.

I fully expect this to happen with my golden child brother's golden grandchildren...

Completely unacceptable in my opinion. I'd tell them so as well.

I don’t think this is the same for OP’s family but my friend treats her grandchildren differently because one has two affluent parents and has a nice quality of life and the other born to a young single mother . If she didn’t step in with holidays / outings , nice gifts as birthdays and Christmas her grandchild would not have anything like what her friends have .

Here's the opposite: my aunt-in-law, in her 90s, has a LOT of nephews and nieces. She's leaving them all the same amount in the week that she's made fairly recently.
That would normally seem right to me, but half of the nephews and nieces live on the other side of the world and have dinner for several decades, and though some keep in touch sporadically, she hasn't seen any of them for a decade. Two-thirds of those still living in this country haven't bothered even with a phone call, for nearly a decade, despite her frequent attempts to keep contact them, and didn't bother attending the funeral of her sister, their other UK aunt, even though it was held only five miles away.

They are all getting the same amount as my sister in law, who sorts out all her aunt's affairs and problems, phones every week for a long chat, visits every month (from a considerable distance) and takes care of her DIY and garden.

So I no longer believe that equal shares is always the right decision.

You're right.
I was joking

They are always going to get different amounts to each other because they may share one set of grandparents but not the other.

If the grandparents have to fund them all to 40K then with 9 grandchildren that's 360K.

Maybe it’s just me, and my family, but I don’t think pure favouritism is shown by £38k!

Are you joking? You would seriously not notice the difference between a 40k gift and a 2k one? That's nonsensical.

I know it feels like it shouldn’t matter but do the GP spend a lot more time with the DN and consider their relationship better perhaps?

Because you’ve left out a hell of a lot of background here. Is it definitely something that is £40k? Or is that the value you’ve assumed? Is it a house deposit, for a GC that’s not going to university, and may come down the line for others? Is there financial support that the others are getting (e.g. at university), that your nephew isn’t getting?

Is your DN the only boy grandchild/have special needs? Is this a reason why he’s received such a generous gift?
What happened on previous birthdays and at Christmas?

Because it's relevant to may be explain why there's the unfairness

It is generous and only sheer contrariness would cause one to even notice any unfairness.

I’m not surprised you’re upset - that’s a huge sum of money to spend on just one grandchild. A few hundred pounds more nobody would really care but thousands more is ridiculous!
Would your DH be prepared to ask his parents why they’ve done this? Would your DH want to discuss this with his other siblings whose children have received lesser gifts and approach their parents together?

As a grandmother, I can’t imagine treating one of my grandchildren so differently to the rest. Indeed, when dh and I are thinking about presents for our existing grandchildren, we keep in mind the necessity to give similar gifts to any future grandchildren we might have.

That would really upset and annoy me. Have they always favoured this boy so blatantly over his siblings and cousins?

I would act accordingly towards them, based on the fact they don't appear to value your kids as much as the golden child. They can spend their money as they want, but it will have consequences when it's obviously favouring one over the others. Monetary value does matter when it comes to gifts when it's as obvious as this. You're bound to see them differently now.

I actually think that's ok. If he is closer to one than the others, that is fair enough. It would be different if he showed favouritism financially.

That is a generous amount for an 18th birthday. However, giving just one grandchild £40k for their 18th birthday is ridiculous and divisive. Five grandchildren received £10k between them while one grandchild gets four times the total amount spent on the other five. It does seem unfair.