Unfair Grandparent Gifts

That sounds massively unfair given the updates from OP. Have there been other instances of blatant favouritism? Have any of your DHs other siblings said anything?

Without knowing it’s hard to judge but I agree that similar should have been spent but you haven’t answered if DN is an only child and you have multiple? And it’s not passive aggressive to say you have a husband issue and he should take it up with his bloody parents! But sure keep complaining on the internet and don’t saying anything to the actual people.

Such incredibly generous gifts. My eldest got a travel alarm clock from my in-laws (DH's dad and step-mum) for her 18th. DC2 g8t a card and a £10 note. DC3 didn't even get a card from them. They forgot. DC4 got a card, nothing else. I know that FiL's wife's biological grandchildren got actual gifts.

It's not fair.
Do you have any children who have their 18th to look forward to?
Obviously if you do you, when the kid isn't around,can ramp up their expectations of an equal prize to the grand parents.
'little Jimmy is so looking forward to a brand new car, we will of course try to explain it to older child' don't worry! Go tinkly.

You are in any case not their unpaid pr manager. You do t need to damage control or brand management. I'd be straight in there with that's unfair.

Christ they must be very wealthy if they have given 5 grandchildren 2k each, given the 6th GC 40k and there’s another three more to go.

Well it’s obvious, he is the favourite. No other explanation.

My kids have occasionally received gifts more expensive than their cousins from the grandparents. I have mentioned it to the gps (my sibling made it clear to me they were miffed) and their response was: the kids they have given more expensive gifts to are the ones that help them out (lawn mowing, gutter clearing, window cleaning etc - anything they ask) and just turn up and do it without expecting more than a few biscuits…. and are also the ones who say thank you. The gps are so sick of forking out and not receiving even a text to say thanks….

Never rely on gifts or inheritance.
fund yourself and teach your children to do the same. Gracefully.

relying on others only fuels either their control, your bitterness and resentment or all of the aforementioned.

you prove the point nicely!

be grateful for what you may receive. But expect nothing.

My late ils had 6gc - I have 4dc and sil has 2. They were not English and lived abroad and we lived there for about 10 years. When the gc were born ils opened a bank account in their name for each of them. As they reached 18 they were given the money from the account. I don't know/care how much dns got but my eldest two dc each got about £8k. Ds turned 18 and got nothing. Dd3 is 17. The ils both died 3 years ago. I still don't believe there wasn't an account for them. Ds even has fil's name!

OP, stop denying to your children that there is blatant favourites going on.
That is gaslighting them and not fair at all.
Let them decide how they feel about it and support them if necessary.

Drip feed applies because they haven’t given any details about the value or what the presents were to go on and they haven’t replied.

Yep that's a really shitty thing to do. As a GP I would never do something like this. Unbelievable how some people can have absolutely no idea! Or perhaps they do but don't care. I would be fuming too OP but like you said there's nothing you can say if you want to avoid a big fall out. I bet the other DGCs are feeling pretty hurt.

Lived this ! My Grandparents parents favored my uncle and his children even though he ruined his life twice and had to move back home due to very irresponsible poor life choices.
My dad the hard worker who has never asked for help never got any respect and quite frankly was never a favorite. Nor were we as grandkids. It was very obvious we weren't treated the same and as we got older and were able to make our own choices I reciprocated the effort, which weirdly people don't like it when you do to them what they do to you. I never said a word. My actions spoke for me.
Needless to say my grandparents have now passed and it didn't bother me in the slightest. My life is no different and I will always remember how we were treated. These types of people will not see they are in the wrong unfortunately so I suggest treating them as they do to you.

I'm really curious to know why he is the favourite GC? He's number 6 GC of 9, so not oldest or youngest. First boy maybe? Or first/only child of their favourite child? Just wondering if it's relevant at all.

Also curious about how the parents of this GC have reacted? Are they embarassed about the blatant favouritism, or lapping it up? Were they consulted at all about the gift, because I guess they could have refused it if they were in any way concerned how it might imapct family relationships.

It sucks but not much that you can do.

Has your husband, their son, put in as much effort as an adult as his sister in maintaining a relationship with them? And as much effort in as she did with making sure their respective dc establish a relationship with grandparents?

I don’t get het up by stuff like this at all tbh, in fact I have no idea what the in-laws got any of my dcs cousins for their 18th, it doesn’t bear any relevance to my life. And if they give my dc £2k for their 18th, the response they will be getting is ‘thank you so so much’. Not fuck off.

When all is said and done at the end of the day it is their money and their decision to whom and how much they give. Pointless wasting your time, hurt feelings about this on behalf of someone else ie your kids. At some point your children will notice and draw their own conclusions and decide how to deal with it, if it were me i would keep my mouth shut and stay out of it.

I treat my children equally, and would do the same if/when they have grandchildren, but it's not unacceptable, it's their money that can choose how to distribute it.

Sorry, they spent 40K on one of their grandchildren as an 18th birthday gift?? mental

This happened in my family, my lovely cousin had a pony fully funded by my ‘DGP’’s and as a child, when they visited us - rarely - we were brought present shopping for the other cousins, and nothing bought for us. If your DC are old enough, they know that there are favourites, and its not them, so I’d stop telling them its the same - its not. I made my peace as a child that whilst my DGPs were around, I’d just do the bare minimum around them. It really upset my DM as she wanted to be a good DIL, and these were my dad’s parents, but I’ve never regretted seeing with clarity that I was not considered to be of the same value as my cousins. As they got older, they had regrets, but I didn’t. In this instance I’d say to you to think about where you can easily pull back from your ILs - be it support for admin, helping out or insisting that the GC must see them (if you do). Children always know their value.

Perhaps he’s just a nicer kid. My MIL wouldn’t have done this, but frankly, she should have considering how much nicer mine were to her than their self-absorbed cousins.

@PupPupPupAndAway sounds like the golden granchild might have been given a brand new car!! golden daughter must be rubbing her hands with glee!! sorry, but I think your dh and his siblings should make their point to the grandparents because that is a disgusting thing to do!! blatant favouritism!! ps wait till the will is read!!!!

@PupPupPupAndAway I know where you are coming from!! Inheritance! the golden sister of mine was left the whole house down to the last tin of beans. she was unable to live in it so golden grandchild got the house!! other 5 grandchildren got zilch!!

Sometimes when there is blatant favouritism, there is a blind spot by the people doing it and they are quite amazed when it is pointed out. I dont think I could say nothing though. Not sure what I would do if I were your DH - its either put up with shitty behaviour, or tell them it is upsetting which will probably cause a massive blow up.