DH and I agreed to ttc soon but I’m getting cold feet!

Just wait a year or so and spend this year working out and travelling and decluttering and having a general glow up

I have a 16 month age gap and whilst it’s hard at times (eldest just turned 2) I am so grateful that they will soon be able to play together and also just to get rid of the baby stuff. Already they overlap on some toys. Also, I did it on purpose but did feel like after putting weight on during the first pregnancy it was a bit bad for me that way - and whilst the second pregnancy was brutal actually in an underlying basis I randomly lost 15kg for various reasons during it so ended up healthier afterwards anyway.

You don’t necessarily have years left of fertility. It starts to decline after 30.

It really shouldn't matter what your friends think it's your decision and your life ways to how you make it work..our youngest 3 are 10months apart and tbh We've still travelled, I've just finished studying and done a degree I've always wanted, we start doing more travelling next month. If you want it to work you can and tbh during our first travel period with 3 under 3 I still loved it all the experiences just different to doing it singular

Lol I am a twin and always wanted twins so they could play together!

I wouldn't want too big a gap. My first DD was 2yrs 8mths when DS was born, with a loss in between. I found out today I'm pregnant again (we've been trying), the gap between DS and baby will be 3 yrs 2mths, which is probably what he needs as he's a mama's boy. I like having the smaller gaps, they play together and are proper company.

I'd go for it asap. Life doesn't wait for anyone.

Yes obviously if she only wants one child that's great. I got the impression from the OP she really does want 2 though.

I was in your exact position this time last year, my daughter was about to turn 3, everyone around me was having 2-3 year gaps and I just wasn't ready. Mentally, or physically, the thought of another pregnancy filled me with absolute dread. I was envious whenever someone else announced a 2nd pregnancy but I realised pretty quickly I was jealous of them for wanting that, not just actually doing it, you know?

A year on, I've had a really successful year for myself. I'm finally a healthy weight, am feeling good mentally and have earned a promotion at work. We've done some really lovely trips and holidays. Now, I feel like I'd love another baby and my daughter is almost 4. I've fretted over age gaps but honestly my sister and I are the magic 2.5 years apart and we've never gotten along or played nicely together. I always got along so well with my younger half brother (7 years between us) and still do now. My best friend has 6 years between her and her sister and they are far closer than me and mine. Same for my mum and her eldest sister. So if it does happen for us I'm trying not to think too deeply into age gaps as a small gap isn't a guarantee of a good relationship. And 5 years is nothing once they are adults anyway.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

What do you mean by "travel more" and "study"?
It all sounds quite vague

If you had specific aims you wanted to achieve before having another dc that would be one thing but if you're just talking about going on a few holidays then is that really worth waiting another few years? How much travelling would you realistically be able to do between working and looking after dc1.

Same with studying- if you were in year 2 of a degree it would make sense to wait but if you're just vaguely thinking about retraining at some point then by the time you'd done so and found a new job and been in it long enough to be entitled to full mat pay you could be talking years.

Same with losing weight - you could try really hard over the next year and get down to your perfect weight - and then have dc2 and put it all on again anyway!

If you were thinking about whether to have kids or even a second kid at all then maybe I'd say differently- it could be worth going mad, taking a year off and travelling before having dc. But as a pp said, you've already got a 3 year old, if you definitely want a second dc may as well just go for it now and look forward to having a bit of a freedom in your late forties while you're still young enough to enjoy it and do anything you want to do.

If there's a specific place you really want to go to then by all means maybe see if you can plan that in within the next few months and then start trying after that, but if its just vague "I'd like to" with no real plan, I'd just go for it.

It’s really very personal and nobody can tell you the right answer, if your gut feeling is to wait though I probably would wait 6 months then think again.

I have 3 years 9 months between mine, so got pregnant with my second just after my eldest’s 3rd birthday. I had a miscarriage before that so the initial plan was for a smaller age gap, but actually the slightly bigger gap was nice. Eldest was in nursery class part time so I got some baby only time every day, and I was on maternity leave when she started reception so around for her for that.
Also never had 2 sets of childcare costs which was a help.

A lot would depend on how easily you got pregnant the first time too, I was 33 having my second but very lucky to always get pregnant easily.

There are 9 years between my dad and his younger brother by the way. They were not close growing up but they did become close as adults, especially once they started having kids. They have been holidaying together every year for the last 20 years, sometimes more than once a year. It's not about the age gap, it's about personality and relationships.

she would absolutely go for it now, make better choices with food and exercise during pregnancy and work on my weight more after having both the kids

sorry but LOL at this and everyone saying there's no reason to not exercise and eat healthy when pregnant. I was sick as a dog for the first 16 weeks and could eat nothing but pure white carbs. I had a week of feeling OK and then got hit with horrific pelvic girdle pain from 18 weeks and was stuck on the sofa for the rest of my pregnancy. I was on crutches by 24 weeks.

Then when the baby comes, you will have zero time for yourself. Any spare time will be dedicated to your older child. There is nothing for you there OP, your cup will be well and truly empty if you already feel like this now.

DH can bang on all he wants but it's YOU that will have to carry the child and do the majority of the caring for the first couple of years.

So yeah, now your child is 3, prioritise yourself a bit. Exercise, go out with friends, book some nice travels. And when you're ready for it, open up the TTC conversation again.

If you want two go for it. Quite a few of our group struggled to conceive a second. Also, the age gap is a pain as it gets wider.

I know so many people who have a 5+ year age gap and they are close, what about people who have 3 kids ? There likely a 5+ age gap between the first and last child.

I was so paranoid about a big age gap but like you I wanted to focus on myself. I lost 4 stone, changed my job and I’m currently pregnant, my DD is independent and will be in year 1 when the baby will come. It’ll be just under 6 years between them and I don’t feel guilty at all. I had to put myself first !!!

How outdated is your way of thinking! The idea that you must have kids two years apart for them to be close just doesn’t hold up, in many cases, it doesn’t work out that way at all (out of about eight people I know with a two year sibling age gap, one of them get on!!) I know plenty of siblings with a four-year age gap who have wonderful relationships. I’m a mum to an 8-year-old and a 1.5-year-old, and it’s amazing. Also, let’s not ignore the fact that large age gaps often happen for reasons beyond anyone’s control, fertility issues, life circumstances, or personal choice. So making comments like that is not only unhelpful, but also pretty insensitive.

OP don’t let these outdated opinions get to you. You have plenty of time to grow your family, and if you’re not ready yet, that’s perfectly okay. What matters most is that you feel ready, not the age gap. Siblings will bond if they want to, no matter how many years are between them.

Yes, but it would be entirely fine to wait longer, feel even less like it, and decide not to have another child. Having one child or two is a complete moral neutral. There’s no reason to have a further child (or indeed a child at all) unless you want one. If the OP isn’t sure, she shouldn’t ttc.

If you're having doubts, wait. Once you're pregnant, you can't undo it (well, without making a medical decision). You're not ready, and that's okay. The age gap is less important than the readiness and willingness of the parents, and the ability to provide properly. Once you have a second you'll be in the baby, toddler, small child years for a long time and as you say that makes everything so much harder.

Wait. Listen to you gut. I know too many people who've ran headfirst into a second and deeply regretted either not delaying it, or doing it altogether.

I think a 4 year gap is a great gap! If you wait longer you might feel even less like it tbh.

I have struggled pp with no 2 just going back to the beginning again when I had got my social life/ fitness back a bit. However I figure I now have time to get those things back for good as I head towards my 40s (I am older then you though!). If you had another baby in 6 years it would be the same probably and I personally like the feeling I'm done now.

I have 4.5yrs between mine and they're currently 18 and 13, nearly 14. It made life easier when dc2 was born as dc1 was starting school and could help out and really understood what was happening.

And they're thick as thieves. Been best friends since the beginning. I would take the "no way in hell" comment with a pinch of salt as they haven't experienced it.

I have a 5 year age gap between mine and it has been good so far. Most people I know had their second when their first was a toddler. My 5 year old can dress himself, entertain himself and doesn’t need to be watched constantly so for me it appears less stressful and he loves the baby. I don’t know how close they will be when they are older but we will see!

Every time a friend announces their second pregnancy I get pangs of I can’t wait for that to be me. But I also feel not completely ready.

I know lots of people who are not completely ready to have their live turned upside down, but if it's something you're sure you definitely want, I'd get it done.