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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say MIL not sleeping on new sofa when it arrives?

259 replies

Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 08:02

We have 2 bed home with a young toddler (crib her room, no spare bed) so space is tight. When MIL comes to visit (5 hours away) she normally sleeps on sofa with bedding with her dog. It’s a big comfy sofa and she has always stated she prefers that over the blow up bed option we also offer. For the first time in almost a decade we have a new sofa arriving Saturday. It’s a light colour and quite expensive. I said to DH today when MIL comes to visit I think its best we look at some sort of pop up style bed I can set up in living room for her with bedding instead of sleeping on new sofa. Particularly as dog will also be sleeping with her. He got annoyed and said he wants her to sleep on new sofa and said I am over complicating things. MIL even said oh brilliant, new sofa, can’t wait to sleep on it!

I just don’t went the new sofa being ruined basically! More than happy to make an alternative bed a comfy option for her to stay. AIBU?

OP posts:
Indianajet · 29/07/2025 11:34

I truly can't see why sleeping on a well protected sofa for a few nights would ruin it. I can understand why you might not want the dog on it - mine is allowed on my settee, but that is my personal choice.
As a MIL, I would be a bit insulted if I was told I could no longer sleep on the settee in case I damaged it.

ItsameLuigi · 29/07/2025 11:33

Ebsalami · 29/07/2025 09:52

To buy a new sofa and then worry about possible sagging cushions from people not sitting on it "properly" sounds like absolute lunacy to me! Do you imagine your child is always going to sit up perfectly straight on it throughout their childhood and adolescence?

A sofa is not going to get somehow out of shape because someone lies on it rather than sits upright on it, every now and then. A sofa is for using, not for keeping pristine so you can look at it. I would be concerned about whether you have this (obsessive?) anxiety about appearances elsewhere in your life.

Just buy a waterproof bedsheet (good ones don’t feel plasticky) to cover the sofa under the ordinary bedding when your MIL uses it. That will protect it from any doggy smells or accidents.

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Also, if the cushions are removable... The softplay kids enjoy making with them will be far more damaging 😂😂

Allromanticsmeetthesamefate · 29/07/2025 11:27

Ebsalami · 29/07/2025 10:56

I don't understand your point. We are all giving our opinions, aren’t we? You gave yours, and I gave mine. That’s what the thread was for, to ask for people's opinions, isn’t it?

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The difference is I chose to word my post as just that, an opinion…

I used an example of a personal routine, I considered other peoples in my first paragraph, I chose brackets to reinforce a stronger thought and show that I understood it was my own and so it didn’t deflect the rest of my post and I ended with a question to try to understand other peoples opinions further.

You chose to quote mine and throw your own at it but word it like a fact

“Asking for the dog not to go on the sofa is perfectly reasonable. Asking MIL not to sleep on it in case she affects the cushions is not.”

This read more like a statement than an opinion and also suggests you could be someone that wouldn’t consider others might think differently

I chose to point this out.

Kelticgold · 29/07/2025 11:18

Bikergran · 29/07/2025 08:16

Buy a big thick washable elasticated cover for the sofa and put that on BEFORE MIL arrives, then bedding etc goes over that. Always use it for guests, or before kids' parties etc. Should keep your sofa pristine.

This is a very sensible idea.

Bedknobsandhoovers · 29/07/2025 11:06

Mattress topper/waterproof sheet/top sheet?

May be buy the dog a present - a dog bed.

Problem solved.

MascaraGirl · 29/07/2025 11:06

Bikergran · 29/07/2025 08:16

Buy a big thick washable elasticated cover for the sofa and put that on BEFORE MIL arrives, then bedding etc goes over that. Always use it for guests, or before kids' parties etc. Should keep your sofa pristine.

This is good advice

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 29/07/2025 11:04

CurlewKate · 29/07/2025 08:14

Could you explain why it is understandable and reasonable?

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I agree that sofas aren't for sleeping on. We sweat when we sleep and oils from hair and body could end up on the upholstery. If someone is going to sleep on a sofa, it needs a mattress protector or something as a mattress protector, plus sheet, arm covers and then pillows and a duvet.

PBJSnackBar · 29/07/2025 11:04

I have been sleeping on one of our beige sofas for 5 years now and at my max weight I was 19 stone. Genuinely you can’t see any difference between it and the other one, sleeping on a sofa does no damage.

I put a flat sheet down as if it was a bed and wash it weekly like any other bedding.

Also, we have a rather stinky hairy dog of our own who is regularly on the sofa. So we put down throws in her favourite spot and wash them weekly too.

There is no reason why MIL or dog should cause any damage.

DiscoBob · 29/07/2025 10:57

Is it because you think she'll pee the bed? Does she smoke and eat in bed?

I get that you should say dog needs to sleep on floor in his own bed (supplied by her if you don't have something suitable)

But if you use a throw, followed by a topper and then bedding I don't really see how she could damage it. Other than very serious cases of the scenarios above.

TorroFerney · 29/07/2025 10:57

SaladAndChipsForTea · 29/07/2025 08:26

Fwiw OP, our "sticky toddler" ate in the kitchen, washed hands and played worh sticky toys at the table woth a supervising adult. We also had cosy blankets at the ready incase we'd been out somewhere messy like the woods and we taught DC to sit nicely on the sofa, not jump or throw themselves onto it. It's really not that hard to teach kids and have nice things so don't be too worried by other peoples worries vs other people's loved experience of it being fine if you take the right steps.

Was just going to say this. Never had that issue at all. Why is everyone wandering around in the living room with sticky hands etc!!

Ebsalami · 29/07/2025 10:56

Allromanticsmeetthesamefate · 29/07/2025 10:53

In your opinion.

You do realise that others, including OP, might think differently.

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I don't understand your point. We are all giving our opinions, aren’t we? You gave yours, and I gave mine. That’s what the thread was for, to ask for people's opinions, isn’t it?

Allromanticsmeetthesamefate · 29/07/2025 10:53

Ebsalami · 29/07/2025 10:05

Asking for the dog not to go on the sofa is perfectly reasonable. Asking MIL not to sleep on it in case she affects the cushions is not.

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In your opinion.

You do realise that others, including OP, might think differently.

BeanQuisine · 29/07/2025 10:53

It's obviously not unreasonable to want a nice new sofa to be used only as a sofa, and to keep pets off it.

Your MIL should be more than happy with a good quality fold-away bed.

AnotherEmma · 29/07/2025 10:51

Why on earth aren't you buying a sofa bed?!

You could also do what a PP suggested, and get an armchair bed or small sofa bed for the second bedroom, and move DC in with you while MIL is staying.

I dislike dogs and wouldn't want them staying in my home, but given that you have allowed it until now I think it's going to be tricky to stop allowing it. I would get DH to ask MIL to bathe the dog just before she comes, and bring a dog bed - would not want dog on new sofa. Of course she might just ignore the request and let dog sleep with her anyway if that's what she does at home.

Michele09 · 29/07/2025 10:50

I would have bought a sofa bed and if I had a toddler not in a light colour. Accidents happen.

luckylavender · 29/07/2025 10:49

I wouldn’t want anyone sleeping on my new sofa either

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/07/2025 10:45

SaladAndChipsForTea · 29/07/2025 08:22

Perhaps tell DH that you can either book her a hotel until you've both agreed a way forward or cancel the sofa. Noone should override anyone else on how the sofa is used.

Yes. you could delay new sofa delivery..
or
book hotel (that takes dogs)
or just go ahead and order a put up bed on amazon (provided you can store it) ... can you ask MIL to bring a dog bed too?
or
as people have suggested get some decent covers ( I'd go for some of those king size waterproof but cloth like mattress protectors) and then put the bedding over that.

Option one.. delay the sofa... and the last option, protect the sofa... would cause the least fussing from DH and MIl..

but its up to you. How messy is the dog?

Lavender14 · 29/07/2025 10:41

Mattress protector for the sofa and I'd actually get a dog bed for the doggo and say no dog on top of the new sofa please but here's a nice cosy cushion for him to sleep on.

mindutopia · 29/07/2025 10:39

I wouldn’t be happy with a dog on my sofa. Even our own dog isn’t allowed on the sofa.

I’d get a cover for the sofa and insist the dog sleeps in a bed on the floor. Though cream sofa and a 2 year old. 😬 My eldest is 12 and still consistently ruining furniture by spilling stuff, so you’ve got a long way to go with that sofa.

FlourSugarButter · 29/07/2025 10:36

Hi @Starry4321 , not sure why you are given a hard time here because I also wouldn't allow anyone to sleep on a brand new sofa let alone a dog. Can you call the store and ask them to postpone the delivery until after she has left? Of course it won't help if she visits frequently.

Maray1967 · 29/07/2025 10:27

Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 08:18

It’s a large smelly (albeit it nice and friendly) dog! They come as a package so it would be difficult for me to suggest dog sleeps on floor.

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It’s a good job she’s not my MIL then - I don’t have dogs in my house let alone on the furniture.

Cover the sofa up as PP have suggested, and tell DH that if she removes it you will hit the roof. A smelly dog sleeping on the sofa is disgusting.

LAMPS1 · 29/07/2025 10:20

Unless it’s a sofa bed, sofas are not designed to be slept on.
If you are willing to buy a comfy pop up bed, your DH and MIL shouldn’t see that as an over-complication. It’s a much more hygienic solution if you have a mattress cover and proper washable bedding, pillows and pillow cases etc, especially if the dog also sleeps on the bed.
I hate the idea of somebody/a dog slobbering over upholstery and cushions. Yuk.
YANBU.

ladyofshertonabbas · 29/07/2025 10:11

Agree with others, buy a thick waterproof washable cover (actually, two) to protect from toddler and dog.

Ebsalami · 29/07/2025 10:05

Allromanticsmeetthesamefate · 29/07/2025 09:55

I can’t believe how many people are actually saying they would be ok with this and then deflecting OP’s choice of sofa as if that’s the point of the thread!

As a family who have only recently been able to start to buy new things that haven’t been passed down from FB MP or furniture that family members no longer want there is no way with something as expensive as a new sofa would a big, drooley, stinky dog would be sleeping on it never mind a person using it as bed.

(I HATE dogs on sofas and we have two Labs! both sofa downstairs rooms get closed her at night and if we are out to avoid that happening!)

OP maybe MIL on the be ok for a few nights, but I would 100% dying on the hill about the dog…

As a point of interest for those that think OP is being precious about her brand new sofa, if you were visiting a friend/family and your dog jumped on their sofa, what would you do? Would you just ignore and think everyone would by totally ok with it because you are?!

Asking for the dog not to go on the sofa is perfectly reasonable. Asking MIL not to sleep on it in case she affects the cushions is not.

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