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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say MIL not sleeping on new sofa when it arrives?

259 replies

Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 08:02

We have 2 bed home with a young toddler (crib her room, no spare bed) so space is tight. When MIL comes to visit (5 hours away) she normally sleeps on sofa with bedding with her dog. It’s a big comfy sofa and she has always stated she prefers that over the blow up bed option we also offer. For the first time in almost a decade we have a new sofa arriving Saturday. It’s a light colour and quite expensive. I said to DH today when MIL comes to visit I think its best we look at some sort of pop up style bed I can set up in living room for her with bedding instead of sleeping on new sofa. Particularly as dog will also be sleeping with her. He got annoyed and said he wants her to sleep on new sofa and said I am over complicating things. MIL even said oh brilliant, new sofa, can’t wait to sleep on it!

I just don’t went the new sofa being ruined basically! More than happy to make an alternative bed a comfy option for her to stay. AIBU?

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 29/07/2025 17:37

Yabu and yanbu. Why you replacing the sofa when it works now .Of course mil can sleep on the sofa or your bed. The dog does not sleep on either the bed or sofa. The dog sleeps on the floor on his rug or basket. Your house your rules re the dog.

Original poster
Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 17:34

whackamole666 · 29/07/2025 12:51

Put the toddler back in your room for a couple of nights and give mil a bed

If we did that MIL would need to sleep in a crib! As mentioned in original post I am happy to buy a pop up bed for her staying that we can store in loft but DH wants her to sleep on sofa.

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 29/07/2025 17:32

I’d worry more about the toddler than your MIL. 😳

FreyaW · 29/07/2025 17:31

Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 12:31

I’m 25 weeks pregnant and having a lot of aches and pains so really need my own bed right now. Prior to this my toddler was in crib in our room as I was still breastfeeding in the night and wasn’t a good sleeper (only just turned 2) . Before toddler born MIL was in a guest bed in our spare room.

We only have two bed house atm - wish we could offer a guest room!

Show quote history

Where did the dog sleep when she was in the spare room previously? ...did you get rid of the guest bed?
I'd suggest getting a small/toddler bed that'easily dismantled & move the cot into your room if it's just for one night. Your toddler will be in the bed soon enough.
The dog will need bedding if you don't want it on the sofa. Maybe your MIL can fork out for that..& the bed.

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 29/07/2025 17:27

I feel like this isn't about the sofa - as other people have pointed out, your toddler will do more damage than a woman sleeping on it for a night or two. So what's the real issue? Does she have a habit of breaking things? Do you wish she'd visit less or stay in an Airbnb&b instead?

JohnTheRevelator · 29/07/2025 17:25

I'd draw the line at the dog sleeping on it,but what do think she's going to do to spoil it?

FeliciteFaff · 29/07/2025 17:23

Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 08:02

We have 2 bed home with a young toddler (crib her room, no spare bed) so space is tight. When MIL comes to visit (5 hours away) she normally sleeps on sofa with bedding with her dog. It’s a big comfy sofa and she has always stated she prefers that over the blow up bed option we also offer. For the first time in almost a decade we have a new sofa arriving Saturday. It’s a light colour and quite expensive. I said to DH today when MIL comes to visit I think its best we look at some sort of pop up style bed I can set up in living room for her with bedding instead of sleeping on new sofa. Particularly as dog will also be sleeping with her. He got annoyed and said he wants her to sleep on new sofa and said I am over complicating things. MIL even said oh brilliant, new sofa, can’t wait to sleep on it!

I just don’t went the new sofa being ruined basically! More than happy to make an alternative bed a comfy option for her to stay. AIBU?

I honestly hate the fact that men can't listen to a reasonable thing. It's everywhere I'm fed up and very sorry for you. It's not unreasonable. We had a gas slipping and our sofa and it absolutely ruined the cushions and springs. It's never a good idea unless it's a sofa bed.

Ilikemymenlikeilikemycoffee · 29/07/2025 17:21

As long as it’s fully covered and she isn’t sleeping on it permanently I don’t see the issue. Unless you don’t like her and you’re hoping she won’t come! I’d make all sorts of excuses so mine wouldn’t stay!

MascaraGirl · 29/07/2025 17:19

Theres no way I'd have overnight guests in a 2-bed place with a toddler and a baby - let alone a guest with a dog!

Well that’s a whole different thread! I agree it would be unhygienic to sleep on a sofa unless it’s properly covered, bodily fluids etc and MIL-juice is a particularly unappealing thought

FreyaW · 29/07/2025 17:18

Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 08:02

We have 2 bed home with a young toddler (crib her room, no spare bed) so space is tight. When MIL comes to visit (5 hours away) she normally sleeps on sofa with bedding with her dog. It’s a big comfy sofa and she has always stated she prefers that over the blow up bed option we also offer. For the first time in almost a decade we have a new sofa arriving Saturday. It’s a light colour and quite expensive. I said to DH today when MIL comes to visit I think its best we look at some sort of pop up style bed I can set up in living room for her with bedding instead of sleeping on new sofa. Particularly as dog will also be sleeping with her. He got annoyed and said he wants her to sleep on new sofa and said I am over complicating things. MIL even said oh brilliant, new sofa, can’t wait to sleep on it!

I just don’t went the new sofa being ruined basically! More than happy to make an alternative bed a comfy option for her to stay. AIBU?

How long does she stay for..is it just overnight occasionally?

AnotherEmma · 29/07/2025 17:13

Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 14:42

It’s a two bed house, not flat. We are looking to extend or move but can’t afford to do this until after my mat leave ends.

Show quote history

In that case you'll need to ask DH to find some dog-friendly hotels/B&Bs nearby and tell his mum that she'll need to stay there after baby is born.

Theres no way I'd have overnight guests in a 2-bed place with a toddler and a baby - let alone a guest with a dog!

Curlysusie · 29/07/2025 17:13

I seem to be in the minority here OP but I see where you are coming from and agree with you. I wouldn't want someone sleeping (and sweating) over my new sofa, especially with the dog! We've all got our quirks and this would be one of mine too!

PeriJane · 29/07/2025 17:06

We would never let our mother sleep on a sofa because we always give her our bed. It’s shocking that so many don’t!

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 29/07/2025 17:02

Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 14:42

It’s a two bed house, not flat. We are looking to extend or move but can’t afford to do this until after my mat leave ends.

Show quote history

So why aren’t you buying a sofa bed so that your MIL can stay more comfortably? Or putting a full size bed in the toddler’s room for her and bringing the toddler in with you when she stays? Why aren’t you making an effort to accommodate her properly instead of just saying it’s not possible in a 2 bed house? It is possible, you just need to plan for it properly. Plenty of people find airbeds uncomfortable to sleep on, especially as they get older. Once you get past 40 your back can get very particular about sleeping surfaces. If she’s old enough to be a grandma she’s old enough to be shown some consideration for her comfort. Unless she’s actually horrible and you are justified in discouraging her from visiting, which is a very different matter and something you should have mentioned earlier in the thread.

godmum56 · 29/07/2025 15:21

Icreatedausernameyippee · 29/07/2025 13:47

I don't allow people to sleep on my sofa. I provide beds (fold away, blow up, trundle). Sofas are for sitting on, not sleeping.
You sweat more overnight than you would just sitting on a sofa, you also move around and distribute your weight in ways that it isn't designed for.
You're right to put your foot down. Sofas are expensive and should last a decade, no need to speed up the wear and tear.

I have slept on mine (once for a year) with and without dogs and its now in its 30th year.

chickenwings2 · 29/07/2025 15:14

Omg no freaking way on my brand new sofa 😮 I’d be annoyed at this like WTF! Get a flat fold up double chair bed thing from Argos and added mattress toppers if you wanna make it seem luxurious.

Original poster
Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 14:42

AnotherEmma · 29/07/2025 13:10

Are you looking for a bigger home?
If not perhaps start laying the groundwork now that MIL will no longer be able to stay overnight with dog once you have a baby, as well as 2 adults and a toddler, in your 2-bed flat.

It’s a two bed house, not flat. We are looking to extend or move but can’t afford to do this until after my mat leave ends.

OP posts:
Internaut · 29/07/2025 14:03

Another one here who can't understand why you didn't just order a sofa bed, knowing that you had someone staying regularly. I'm with your MiL all the way about inflatable beds, they're horrible.

Icreatedausernameyippee · 29/07/2025 13:47

I don't allow people to sleep on my sofa. I provide beds (fold away, blow up, trundle). Sofas are for sitting on, not sleeping.
You sweat more overnight than you would just sitting on a sofa, you also move around and distribute your weight in ways that it isn't designed for.
You're right to put your foot down. Sofas are expensive and should last a decade, no need to speed up the wear and tear.

AnotherEmma · 29/07/2025 13:10

Are you looking for a bigger home?
If not perhaps start laying the groundwork now that MIL will no longer be able to stay overnight with dog once you have a baby, as well as 2 adults and a toddler, in your 2-bed flat.

whitewinespritzerandastraw · 29/07/2025 12:59

why didn’t you buy a sofa bed?

gamerchick · 29/07/2025 12:59

We sweat out half a pint of sweat every night and people are ok with that sinking into a sofa?

People are weird. Settees aren't meant to be beds. I'd be covering the bugger in plastic.

Original poster
Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 12:54

whackamole666 · 29/07/2025 12:51

Put the toddler back in your room for a couple of nights and give mil a bed

It’s only a crib in toddlers room, only just turned two. This is an option eventually once ready for a bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Starry4321 · 29/07/2025 12:52

mydamnfootstuckinthedoor · 29/07/2025 11:51

Give her your bed and you sleep on blow up bed in living room (assuming you won't both fit on sofa)

25 weeks pregnant with aches and pains. Prior to this toddler was in a next to me in our room as was still breastfeeding. And prior to toddler being born MIL was in bed in guest room which is now toddlers room.

OP posts:
whackamole666 · 29/07/2025 12:51

Put the toddler back in your room for a couple of nights and give mil a bed

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