AIBU to tire of moral superiority around meals?

And this is why the obesity levels are what they are. “Don’t judge me!!!” Sure.

Frozen food a couple of times a week is fine. Ready meals and take away once in a while won’t kill you but personally I don’t eat them and I wouldn’t let my kids have them regularly. We maybe have McDonalds once every couple of months but we’ve not had ready meals in years and my son had his first KFC a few weeks ago on a school trip- he’s 14!

I don’t agree with judging anything TBH but the food we feed our kids in the UK is horrific compared to most places where simple cooking from scratch is the norm. Where fish, fresh veg, pulses, grains and salad are routinely served to little kids who enjoy them. Working hours, relentless advertising of utter shite and child poverty have all had a huge impact. Some people in the UK have no clue what balance is.

So I don’t agree that it’s better to bung a ready meal in the microwave and spend time with the kids TBH. By all means get them to help you cook (and surely in most cases it’s fine to do both) but one of the most important things you can do as a parent is feed them good nutritious food and teach healthy habits around food.

Why do we have such low expectations of parents? Do we really need to lay on cooking classes when they can literally look up anything on the internet?

Yes, I do judge parents who feed their children a poor diet. Because it’s the rest of society that has to deal with the fallout.

I agree that children need to be given nutritional food, and there needs to be balance.
I hate cooking but had 4 kids alone. I could not afford microwave food or takeaways so always cooked and still cook from scratch. Most things I make can be ready in 20 mins. It takes no time to prep a few veggies cook rice or pasta. Mexican food takes literally no time. I don't do pies, or roasts too much effort and oven time, slow cooker my son doesn't like says it tastes of tomato even when there aren't any.
Crap food doesn't necessarily mean overweight kids, the four neighbours kids have a terrible diet and they are all very slim but have multiple illnesses and always off school but that may not me linked. I certainly wouldn't criticise their mum.

Meh we have a takeaway most weeks, I couldn't care less if it only takes 10 mins to make something healthy, I don't want to cook I don't want to wash up and we enjoy it. We have freezer shit a couple of times a month as well. But right now i have dough in the machine to make rolls for lunch and I'm about to make a pesto & sundried tomato wholewheat pasta salad to go in the fridge for grab and go lunches, there's loads of fruit and salad in the fridge and I'm making curry from scratch for dinner. Its all about balance! Oh and i really quite enjoy a microwave curry as well the m&s ones are lovely!

I feel very guilty that my diet is healthier than that of my children. I do try but when they’re asking for their 15th snack of the day it’s easier to let them have the biscuit or chocolate they really want rather than trying to make them have something else. Their lunches are ok, although dc3 (fussiest child) has too much of a reliance on ham as a protein. They often have a sandwich/wrap/crackers, carrot/cucumber/peppers, some Greek yoghurt, and some fruit. So not perfect with shop bought bread or wraps, but not terrible. Dinner is usually home cooked, lots of different veg, very little ultra processed. Sometimes oven chips. More rarely breaded fish. Very rarely chicken nuggets. They last had a McDonald’s in May, but are likely to have one or similar on Thursday because we’re going on holiday straight from work and sometimes it’s just easier to stop on the way to get something! We probably average one takeaway a month which is more than we used to. We have an excellent Thai and an excellent Bengali restaurant which both serve amazing fresh tasting food so tend to use those although they’re probably still not at all healthy!

Breakfasts are terrible, scotch pancakes with honey or nutella (and Greek yoghurt), cheerios, cornflakes, granola, bagels… I tried for a long time on this but unfortunately 3/4 of my children would prefer not to eat breakfast at all and honestly on a busy weekday morning where I’m trying to get everyone out of the door on time I’ve given in and let them have whatever they’ll eat. They do eat eggs but not every day. The other child eats porridge and fruit though!

Then they snack on shite. They do have fruit, veg, nuts but then they also have popcorn, biscuits, chocolate…I don’t buy sweets but we seem to have a never ending supply in the house from school fairs, Halloween, people’s birthdays at school, Christmas at school so they do eat a small bag of sweets at least once a week. I don’t know, maybe me restricting it is part of the problem? Maybe if I let them just eat it when they got it instead of restricting it to one chocolate thing a day or one thing of sweets they’d go off it? (And it would be gone and we wouldn’t still have chocolate Santas in the house in July).

I don’t judge others but I do judge myself. I can cook, I can afford and have access to the ingredients to cook. I know what is healthy and what isn’t. I know that nutrition is important. I started off giving them only nutritious food.Yet I don’t have the energy to constantly battle with my children over what they eat or to come up with healthy offerings and so I let them eat more crap food than I would eat myself. And I judge myself for that (and for buying the packaged snacks) and feel like I’m failing them and not doing the best for their bodies.

Nothing wrong with quick meals - especially when people are working, kids have school/activities.

Term time is manic in our house so we do have quick meals a lot during the week. We don't have takeaways and don't do ready meals apart from a very occasional cook curry.

We might have things like homemade veg soup (made in advance), omelette with veggies in (DS likes fish fingers and peas in his 😂), baked fish with vegetables and new potatoes to minimise prep etc.

So, we make sure we eat well but minimise the prep time on some nights. I am lucky though because DS eats anything so its easy to make sure he has a good diet.

I don't use ready meals but use convenience things like sachets of lentils and rice, hot smoked salmon, marinaded chicken, to save a bit of time and generally cook things which are quick and easy. Closest we get to a ready meal is fresh filled pasta & pesto. We have plenty of veg and fruit. DDs love salad and make their own breakfast bowls with fresh/frozen fruit, granola and yogurt. Fish can be expensive but it's so quick and easy. A couple of meals a week are basically fish/meat, small potatoes roasted in the air fryer and veg. In winter I make more soups, stews, curries, dhal, chilli, shepherd's pie.

I mentally tick off DC’s five a day and things like this every day but I’ve recently stopped seeing a couple of mums (never used to meet up with the dads before anyone says “What about the dads?”) from my NCT group who are obsessive about their kids not having lots of different things ever: UPFs, sugar, seed oils, screens... They were also anti medication and certain vaccines. We just didn’t gel beyond the fact we had our kids the same time. I feel happier not seeing them so much. I like to think I’m pretty confident in the choices I make as a parent most of the time but I did often second guess myself about the diet stuff eg if I let DC have a scoop of icecream after a restaurant meal.

Sometimes I just cannot be bothered thinking of and cooking another meal. I don't often have takeaways and my daughter doesn't enjoy them anyway, but I do have a freezer and I sure as hell use it. It's not just about time either, it's what I can afford, what's there on any given day relative to when I done the shopping, what she likes, how much time we have in between finishing work and getting to her club. I'm also trying to expand her tastes a bit more when I get the chance but honestly, I just do my best and that should be enough with what I've got and that should be enough for people it's really got nothing to do with. Nobody has ever given a fuck what her dad gives her to eat.

If in doubt, blame capitalism! 😂

Do people not realise though how dangerous ultra processed food is to our bodies? Especially young children’s who are still developing and need nutrients to grow? I’m no food snob and have lived hand to mouth sometimes, working full time with three under three so I get the juggling act, but big companies and fast food outlets aren’t there to make life easier, they exist to get us to consume so they spend millions upon millions developing addictive convenience foods cheaply and deliciously so they can hook us in and maximise profits. They bung all manner of dubious chemicals in products to try and make us eat as much of it as possible. Read about the formula milk scandal or the floating nestle shop in the rainforests as just two huge examples of the devious and somewhat scary tactics and you’ll begin to understand why we have an increase in all types of cancers across the board, eating disorders, neurological conditions and obesity. It’s because we are consuming all types of preservatives and additives in quantities that literally make them simultaneously poisonous and addictive.

Your whole post is about women/mothers and no mention of the men at all. Why is that?

Virtue signalling is everywhere. I have a suspicion that those that talk loudest about their healthy cooking routines are secretly buying a lot of take aways. I could be wrong.

Everyone knows it’s undoubtedly healthier to eat salmon and brown rice with broccoli than a pizza but a balance of healthy and convenience foods is going to be fine. My first child had the perfect diet until she went to school. I couldn’t breast feed and went a bit ott on compensating. Second child came along and they don’t like the same stuff at all and both are stubborn enough that they won’t eat so if I have an evening of chicken dippers and chips to save my sanity then I don’t worry too much otherwise I’d be like a restaurant.

child 1: loves egg, fish, veg and rice but not shellfish. Very happy with a simple protein plus type meal. Hates pasta, yogurt snd soup and anything tomato based.

Child 2: loves pasta and soup, not big on meat but likes shellfish - now won’t touch egg. Loves yogurt and fruit- not so good with veg.

With one of them, it would be quite easy to plan to be UPF free etc but with both having opposite tastes, logistics for meal times are just more challenging.

Yes we do sometimes do organic baked beans but I'm not a fan! We just avoid foods. So we have a restricted menu and eat a lot of Mexican food using coconut yogurt (they have soy allergies) instead of sour cream and just dont have cheese. It gets dull though.

But I do work 50-80 hours a week..dh is full time too so I sure has hell am not spending my weekends making cashew cheese rather than out with dc 😅

Thing is the OP starts off bemoaning judgement around food, but then criticises women (just women of course) for ‘fussing’ and missing ‘quality time’ with their children for ‘perception’ so throwing out plenty of judgment. Why can’t we just do our best and have confidence in our own choices (or work towards different ones if we want) without the need to justify them by bringing other people down.

Look around you, do you genuinely think most people in the country are eating healthy meals with the occasional take away?
’Being kind’ about people’s food choices clearly hasn’t worked has it.

Chicken breasts have less fat and fewer calories, but I agree that thighs are usually the tastier choice.

And it's no surprise that the most popular breast dishes (like Chicken Kyiv and cordon bleu) add a lot of fat to compensate.

Tbf chicken breast cooks quicker, however I agree thighs have more flavour.

Did anyone see a thread a few months back where it was discussed how many times a week the children had fast food/takeaway, crisps and chocolate.

99% of the response were. McDonald’s twice a year. Maybe. Chocolate. Never. They don’t like it. And crisps. Two bags a week.

It made me feel like the unhealthiest person on the planet.

I do love cooking and I am privileged that most of time, I do have the time. And I have always been mindful about using fresh ingredients and avoiding UPFs. But there are some days where I cannot face putting knife to chopping board and I can't get away with a ready meal, not even the posh ones because the DCs think they taste weird.
And on those days it's a chicken in the oven, jacket potatoes, and steamed tenderstem broccoli. I appreciate it's not the quickest cook time, but zero effort required. And I always have pots of smooth home made tomato and vegetable pasta sauce in the freezer for the days where I just cannot be arsed.

They want to be perceived as ‘good’ mothers when children care more about quality time with their parents.

What children care about isn't the only metric for what's good for them.
It really doesn't need to be either/or, unless you're super-broke or otherwise really struggling (I have been there.) Fresh food can be very simple especially for kids. Our breadmaker has made fresh non-upf bread super easy and that, raw fruit and veg and a bit of cold protein is fine by me for a kid's meal. (That's mostly not what what we eat. But it can be.)
I give my kids rubbish sometimes. Most of it is from scratch. But I have one picky kid and he eats more potato smileys than the other one for instance. We live in a hot country atm and they get more sweetened drinks than they should because I'd rather that than dehydration if they're being stubborn about drinking water and milk. You do what you can. We're vegan and judgement from people about my kids' food bounces off at this point because I have heard it all. They eat well. The occasional less-optimal foodstuff doesn't ruin that. But I think decent food is just as important as quality time tbh.

@Stripeysockspots sounds difficult. I don't stress at all about some stuff that is technically UPF eg plain unsweetened soy milk and yoghurt. I think you have to consider its role in the diet, whether it is hyper-palatable and leads you to overeat, just how much crap it actually has in it etc. (I have never been able to have dairy, don't have a serious allergy but it makes me feel sick and always has.) We have amazing Mac and cheese using DH's cashew cheese that he makes and is def not UPF but also very much not quick lol. If I were to chuck a potato in the oven (which I never do tbh, it doesn't feel that quick/easy to me) I'd probs put a decent quality baked bean on it, like Duchy Organic.

I do have to say that a lot of the examples of easy meals (including my own in my earlier post) are not great for allergies. My dc have milk and egg allergies so 90% of the suggestions on here aren't doable or you add in non dairy subs that are upf.

It is doable to eat fresh and healthy but it costs more to make the food nice. So you might need to focus far more on spices and freshness if you can't use feta or tatziki with your Greek style fresh wraps. You can't make Macaroni cheese, lasagna, any quick egg dishes (I can for one dc but not the other). People say just chuck a potato in the oven but then what do you have on it? Dry tuna? Which you're then told is full of mercury. It's much much harder and more expensive.

Never have take-aways here. They're not even convenient for me since I don't drive.

But if I'm not in the mood for fancy cooking, I quite often have quick home-made one-pot microwave meals, using a little fresh diced veg (e.g. onion, capsicum, zucchini - takes all of five minutes) along with frozen veg (e.g. peas, carrot & corn), some tinned beans (kidney, butter or four bean mix, not the baked beans in that overly sweet sauce), little splash of olive oil, some seasonings, mix and microwave for four minutes.

For extra protein, add a couple of eggs or some diced chicken, ground meat or the occasional sliced sausage. Very quick, cheap, tasty and nutritious meal.