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Original poster

Should his girlfriend pay rent?

113 replies

bluedelphiniums · 28/07/2025 19:06

My son is hoping to buy his first house, and to move into it with his girlfriend. They split up for a few weeks last summer but are back together now and seem happy. The reason I mention that is because I have advised him not to get into a shared mortgage with someone if there's any prospect of their relationship not lasting, as it complicates things. He earns quite a lot more than her, but is stretching himself financially to get the mortgage he needs to pay for the right house which he views as a longterm investment. I asked him if she was going to pay rent and he said he thought she'd just say, if she has to pay rent then she might just as well put herself on the mortgage and buy the house with him. Is it unreasonable to expect her to pay her own way? She is currently paying monthly rent, same as him, at the house they live at. I don't think she should be expecting to pay nothing and effectively to live for free. Does anyone have experience of this situation with their own children? TIA.

OP posts:
JHound · 28/07/2025 21:00

Does she get her own room and will be viewed as a tenant?

I don’t get paying my partner rent. I would prefer to live separately.

youalright · 28/07/2025 20:59

Frequency · 28/07/2025 20:22

I have daughters, and I would strongly advise them against staying in a relationship where their "partner" asks them to pay towards an asset they will never own, not to mention the risk of them becoming suddenly homeless if their partner cheats.

She either goes on the mortgage, or they live separately; anything else would be madness on her part, even living there for free leaves her at risk of becoming homeless.

Exactly this its such a vulnerable position for her to be in.

Coconutter24 · 28/07/2025 20:57

cringforyou · 28/07/2025 20:49

I don’t think anyone has suggested the OP sedate him and force an intervention.

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I never said anyone suggested an intervention? That literally makes no sense.

fthisfthatfeverything · 28/07/2025 20:53

She could not the groceries or something else?

Tiswa · 28/07/2025 20:53

He shouldn’t buy somewhere that is a stretch just for him because even though yes if they split he can make her leave if they split she can just go and leave and leave him with a mortgage

personally in these situations I recommend separate legal and financial advice and advice together

ExtraOnions · 28/07/2025 20:51

Maybe he should just buy a smaller house, so he can afford it on his own

cringforyou · 28/07/2025 20:49

Coconutter24 · 28/07/2025 20:47

And OP has given him advice, it’s now up to him what he decides to do

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I don’t think anyone has suggested the OP sedate him and force an intervention.

Hodgemollar · 28/07/2025 20:49

It’s not really anything to do with you, your son isn’t losing out by paying the mortgage of his own home.

ANiceCuppaTeaandBiscuit · 28/07/2025 20:47

ConfusedSloth · 28/07/2025 19:43

And what if he were your son? Would you want his girlfriend to profit from having a boyfriend - because not paying rent, getting a house you haven't paid for or getting cheaper living because your boyfriend has money is "profiting" from having a boyfriend.

We all want what's best for our child. We'd all love our daughters to be given free houses. That doesn't mean it's fair and it's certainly not normal to expect OP prioritise the girlfriend over her own DS.

Maybe DIL wouldn't forgive OP for prioritising her own DS when giving advice but maybe the DS wouldn't forgive her if OP gave him bad advice to prioritise his girlfriend instead of her own child. I'd be furious if I got burned because my own mother gave me advice that benefitted DH and not me.

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If it were my son I’d say exactly the same thing. Protect your deposit absolutely, but if it’s to be your girlfriend’s home and you see a future together then treat her as a partner, not a lodger, and if you can’t do that then she’s probably not the right one for you.

Coconutter24 · 28/07/2025 20:47

cringforyou · 28/07/2025 20:21

How do you think people learn? Either by fucking up or by getting advice

Property ownership is too big an issue to fuck up on if you are lucky enough to have people to advise you

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And OP has given him advice, it’s now up to him what he decides to do

Sporadica · 28/07/2025 20:44

My son is hoping to buy his first house, and to move into it with his girlfriend.

Why? If he wants to buy a house on his own, he should do that but if he also wants to live with his girlfriend it would be better for him then to either treat the house as an investment and stay where they are, move into another rental, or live separately. If he wants to buy a house with a partner, but doesn't feel satisfied that she is the right person, then perhaps the relationship has run its course. It sounds like their needs right now are incompatible; whether they rent or buy or some combo, he can afford and wants to pay significantly more than she can. They need to decide together what to do; it's not really up to anyone else. And there's always a possibility that a relationship won't last; by your logic there would never be a shared mortgage.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/07/2025 20:36

bluedelphiniums · 28/07/2025 20:33

LOL. You can dislike my son all you like - athough I wasn't aware you knew him? She is pushing him to buy this house as she loves it, but he is concerned it's going to be too much of a financial stretch. My gut reaction to hearing that was...why should she live rent free (not a normal position for any earning twenty something to be in) when he is taking the financial hit. I didn't see it as her 'paying off his assets', as PPs have suggested, more that they want to live together, he wants to invest in a property and therefore it seems only fair that she should contribute to the cost of the house. I too have a daughter and I wouldn't expect her boyfriend to provide her with a rent free house when they're both trying to build up their life financially.

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I cross posted, so hadn't read this before my last comment. If this is actually the case then, really they should get a joint mortgage, OR your son should tell his GF he cannot afford to over leverage himself buying a house that she wants.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/07/2025 20:35

I was in girlfriend’s position when I was younger.

I said to my then boyfriend, fine buy the house on your own but I’m not going to move in and pay you rent. To me it seemed like an unequal relationship. I was happy for him to go ahead but I wasn’t going to move in with him.

After a short period of time - maybe a year or two - we then got engaged, and I was also in a position by that time to buy a house with him. We did end up getting divorced many years later but honestly I wonder whether, if I hadn’t said that, I might have ended up as one of those women you see on here who spends years paying into a boyfriend’s mortgage, having kids, and then ending up with nothing when they split.

Mrsttcno1 · 28/07/2025 20:34

bluedelphiniums · 28/07/2025 20:33

LOL. You can dislike my son all you like - athough I wasn't aware you knew him? She is pushing him to buy this house as she loves it, but he is concerned it's going to be too much of a financial stretch. My gut reaction to hearing that was...why should she live rent free (not a normal position for any earning twenty something to be in) when he is taking the financial hit. I didn't see it as her 'paying off his assets', as PPs have suggested, more that they want to live together, he wants to invest in a property and therefore it seems only fair that she should contribute to the cost of the house. I too have a daughter and I wouldn't expect her boyfriend to provide her with a rent free house when they're both trying to build up their life financially.

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That’s great- but if she’s contributing then she has a claim on his house. And your whole argument against her going on the mortgage was to protect the asset, so… which is it?

ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/07/2025 20:33

Your son does have a point, if she's paying rent, he may as well buy the property with her and have her on the mortgage. Also, by paying rent, she could go for a claim on this asset if they split up. It's actually better financially for your son if she does not contribute towards HIS mortgage. Also, I don't mean this to sound harsh, but it's not really your business, and your son does sound sensible. Do you not like his girlfriend? @bluedelphiniums

I posted my own experience with this above, (I was the GF who moved in). I think if you push this, you'll only push them into a shared mortgage (if they pay any heed to your interference).

Original poster
bluedelphiniums · 28/07/2025 20:33

Rainbowqueeen · 28/07/2025 20:22

The issue here to me is that you say he has to stretch to buy the property he wants. So it sounds like he can’t do it without her contributing. Essentially then he is using her to build up his own assets.

i would feel differently if he was buying a property he could comfortably afford on his own. But right now I don’t really like your son and his attitude towards someone he calls his partner and I think she should live separately and focus on building up her own assets.

LOL. You can dislike my son all you like - athough I wasn't aware you knew him? She is pushing him to buy this house as she loves it, but he is concerned it's going to be too much of a financial stretch. My gut reaction to hearing that was...why should she live rent free (not a normal position for any earning twenty something to be in) when he is taking the financial hit. I didn't see it as her 'paying off his assets', as PPs have suggested, more that they want to live together, he wants to invest in a property and therefore it seems only fair that she should contribute to the cost of the house. I too have a daughter and I wouldn't expect her boyfriend to provide her with a rent free house when they're both trying to build up their life financially.

OP posts:
MounjaroMounjaro · 28/07/2025 20:25

I would tell him that nobody should live rent free. It's completely unfair that she should move in and just pay half the bills. If he thinks she'd rebel and rent her own place if he suggested she paid rent, then that tells him everything about how she sees their relationship.

Personally I think he should rent a room to a friend rather than get mixed up in having a girlfriend live there with him.

Mrsttcno1 · 28/07/2025 20:24

I wouldn’t be paying rent to him unless he was going to also give me an interest in the asset if I was her. And if I was him and I wanted to protect my asset I wouldn’t take a single penny of rent from her so that she can never make a claim on the house.

JLou08 · 28/07/2025 20:23

I don't think she should be expected to pay rent when she has no rights over the property. Paying her share of all over bills if fine but I don't think she should be paying towards the mortgage if she isn't going to be named on it. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and your son contributed to his partners mortgage then the relationship ended and your son walked away with nothing? Not even the legal notice period landlords have to give.

Rainbowqueeen · 28/07/2025 20:22

The issue here to me is that you say he has to stretch to buy the property he wants. So it sounds like he can’t do it without her contributing. Essentially then he is using her to build up his own assets.

i would feel differently if he was buying a property he could comfortably afford on his own. But right now I don’t really like your son and his attitude towards someone he calls his partner and I think she should live separately and focus on building up her own assets.

Frequency · 28/07/2025 20:22

I have daughters, and I would strongly advise them against staying in a relationship where their "partner" asks them to pay towards an asset they will never own, not to mention the risk of them becoming suddenly homeless if their partner cheats.

She either goes on the mortgage, or they live separately; anything else would be madness on her part, even living there for free leaves her at risk of becoming homeless.

cringforyou · 28/07/2025 20:21

Coconutter24 · 28/07/2025 19:33

If he’s old enough to buy his own house he’s old enough to decide if he wants his girlfriend to pay rent or not

How do you think people learn? Either by fucking up or by getting advice

Property ownership is too big an issue to fuck up on if you are lucky enough to have people to advise you

Purpleturtle45 · 28/07/2025 20:17

ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/07/2025 20:03

When I moved in with my boyfriend (now DH), we agreed that he would continue to pay his mortgage as it was his property, and I'd pay 50% bills/food. Then we agreed that I'd save what I wasn't paying towards a roof, and those savings would be used towards a deposit on a family home once we got married.

Worked out well for us.

For transparency, I also owned my own property which I had moved out of (and then let) to move in with him. At that time though I was making a loss on that due to the market at the time, so I did have to top up my mortgage payment & maintenance with my salary.

This sounds like a great compromise.

TaupeLemur · 28/07/2025 20:16

IhadaStripeyDeckchair · 28/07/2025 19:16

He needs to involve a solicitor and have a legal agreement in place clearly stating that she does not have an ownership stake in the house and how much rent she will pay and share of bills and how any increases in rent will be calculated.

It's increasingly common for people to protect their property legally because it's such a huge investment. Statistically a relationship is more likely to break up than stay together so protect your assets.

Yup, a proper agreement needed. He can charge her mates rates but it needs to be clear what she is and isn’t paying towards.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 28/07/2025 20:03

When I moved in with my boyfriend (now DH), we agreed that he would continue to pay his mortgage as it was his property, and I'd pay 50% bills/food. Then we agreed that I'd save what I wasn't paying towards a roof, and those savings would be used towards a deposit on a family home once we got married.

Worked out well for us.

For transparency, I also owned my own property which I had moved out of (and then let) to move in with him. At that time though I was making a loss on that due to the market at the time, so I did have to top up my mortgage payment & maintenance with my salary.