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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not see the practical point of getting married?

206 replies

Queenofswords88 · 28/07/2025 17:53

My partner and I are in our thirties. We’ve been together many years and own a house together. We’re also hoping to have a baby together (currently going through fertility issues / treatment).

We’ve talked about marriage plenty of times and he’s always made it clear that he would marry me in a heartbeat if it’s something I wanted to do, but it’s not something he cares about enough to push for. I’m not convinced marriage is for me, for various reasons including expense/stress of a wedding and a feeling that the institution is outdated/anti-feminist.

My partner works full time in a good job. I earn significantly more than him even though I work part time in a flexible role which would accommodate having a child. I have more in savings, pension and investments and more equity in the house we share.

I hear a lot of blanket advice, especially on Mumsnet, about it being essential to get married before having a child. In my circumstances, I can’t think of a single practical reason why that’s the case. AIBU?

OP posts:
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CatRescueNeeded · 28/07/2025 18:04

If you don’t want to have a big wedding/marriage then why not get a civil partnership instead? All of the same legal protections but none of the religious/institution bits

cheddercherry · 28/07/2025 18:03

There are tax advantages to being married (and as first post mentions why can’t you just legally go get married and not have the expense of a wedding). Like above said when things go wrong it’s often a simpler process to deal with if you’re married rather than cohabiting e.g. if you died unexpectedly it’s far simpler as a spouse to sort the estate, inheritance and property rights. Plus there’s benefits to pensions etc. Sounds rather morbid but it’s just a sad fact that things could be much harder in a crisis when you’re a partner over a spouse.

Original poster
Queenofswords88 · 28/07/2025 18:03

SylvanianFamiliesBalcony · 28/07/2025 17:57

Marriage doesn't really impact much until sht hits the fan and then you'll realise how important those legal protections are.

If you're earning more than your partner but a fair bit, wouldn't you want him protected in the event that you split? For you to have a legal responsibility towards him as a relative, rather than solely a responsibility to your shared child? Wouldn't you want to ensure if you split, he is taken care of? That he has a right to a share of the assets you've built, together?

It doesn't have to be expensive, we got married for around £400 including all three rings and the ceremony and dress. And it's only anti-feminist if you want it to be. It can be, should be, an equal partnership.

Thanks for this, it’s actually really thought provoking.

In terms of making sure my partner were taken care of if we split, I think that should be covered as things stand. We have a declaration of trust setting out how we would fairly split the equity from the house and we have joint savings which would be split 50/50, as well as our own savings. Although I am lucky enough to earn more, he earns a good salary on his own.

OP posts:
KnickerlessParsons · 28/07/2025 18:01

Inheritance tax for starters. Spouses don’t pay IT on money inherited from their partner.
Spouses are also each other’s NOK automatically.
Loads of other benefits too…

Kinneddar · 28/07/2025 18:01

I can’t think of a single practical reason why that’s the case

Seriously? For financial security. If something happens to you as nok he inherits your estate, pension, death in service payment (if you have one) If not he could potentially lose your house. And vice versa. Wouldn't you want to ensure he's looked after if you weren't here as opposed to your siblings or other nok

If one of you is involved in an accident or is unable to make medical decisions it would fall to your parents or siblings.

You dont need a wedding. You can just go and do the paperwork on your own or with immediate family and friends.

SylvanianFamiliesBalcony · 28/07/2025 17:57

Marriage doesn't really impact much until sht hits the fan and then you'll realise how important those legal protections are.

If you're earning more than your partner but a fair bit, wouldn't you want him protected in the event that you split? For you to have a legal responsibility towards him as a relative, rather than solely a responsibility to your shared child? Wouldn't you want to ensure if you split, he is taken care of? That he has a right to a share of the assets you've built, together?

It doesn't have to be expensive, we got married for around £400 including all three rings and the ceremony and dress. And it's only anti-feminist if you want it to be. It can be, should be, an equal partnership.

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