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Original poster

To wish I’d said something to this charity shop worker?

112 replies

lostalil · 28/07/2025 16:32

I was in a charity shop today with stepson aged 5. We spent about 10 minutes looking in the children’s section at books then wandered round to the clothing. He wasn’t being a nuisance at all, I’m genuinely the first to pull him up on any misbehaviour or cheekiness.

He’d sat on a dinner style chair, not one for sale, and I looked down for about ten seconds at a clothes rail but he was still in my line of sight. The till was behind me and I glanced back to see the shop assistant giving him daggers, a real dirty look. Glanced back and DSS is just sat on the chair. I walked over to the lady working and the conversation went like this:

Me: Is everything alright?
Her: What’s the matter?
Me: I’m asking if you are alright?

She’s just glaring at me, giving me daggers.

I ended up just walking out, I’ve encountered her before whilst shopping alone and she’d been very abrupt with me at the till to the point I come home and complained to DP. I was expecting her to tell me what he’d done.

I hadn’t let him run riot, he was about a metre in front of me but I’d taken my eyes off him to glance down for no more than 10 seconds.

I heard another assistant turning away a donation, saying they’ve just got no one buying at the moment and they’re overrun with stock. I don’t really feel like returning either to be honest.

Was I unreasonable or was she?

OP posts:
Original poster
lostalil · 28/07/2025 17:22

MrMucker · 28/07/2025 17:16

Really? Another "help, someone looked at me the wrong way and its stopping me live my life" thread?

I just don’t think it’s very kind to full-on scowl at a child to be honest. I see plenty of children about who could probably do with being corrected but it would never occur to me to glare nastily at them?

For one, if the child doesn’t know what it is they’re doing wrong, how is it helpful? Had she had mentioned it to me when I walked over, I could have stopped it and explained to him.

And two, if it’s not dangerous, I don’t believe it’s someone else’s place to discipline?

OP posts:
CherryYellowCouch · 28/07/2025 17:16

lostalil · 28/07/2025 17:02

I was cheery with her though! I went over smiling and asked if anything was wrong? For her to bark at me “what’s the matter”.

Maybe I was confrontational, I went over to ask if everything was okay. Would it not be at this point you’d expect them to say either, yes all good thank you or no actually he shouldn’t be sat there or whatever🤷🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

Me: Is everything alright?
Her: What’s the matter?
Me: I’m asking if you are alright?

Obv written word doesn't always convey tone but this doesn’t sound friendly. And if she wasn’t glaring at your child then quite reasonably she’d have been confused and a bit abrupt in responding to what feels quite confrontational.

She didn’t tell the child off, she didn’t complain to you about his behaviour or yours, so from her perspective it’s quite possible she had an entirely inexplicable interaction with you.

MrMucker · 28/07/2025 17:16

Really? Another "help, someone looked at me the wrong way and its stopping me live my life" thread?

Original poster
lostalil · 28/07/2025 17:13

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 28/07/2025 17:11

Yes. It’s a non event, I assume you are not married then.
You leapt to a negative conclusion and were rude bc a shop assistant looked the wrong way at a child you were looking after.

Show quote history

You’re the charity shop volunteer, aren't you?GrinGrin

OP posts:
333FionaG · 28/07/2025 17:13

Charity shops where I live are turning away donations of books and clothes, they are swamped. All they want is bric a brac, pictures, ornaments, that sort of thing. Even the shop selling clothes for £1 an item (the local hospice shop) is struggling to get rid of the huge volumes of clothing donated.

This woman appears to dislike you for some reason. Were you confrontational when you spoke to her? You sound a bit aggressive.

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 28/07/2025 17:11

lostalil · 28/07/2025 17:04

And that’s what you’ve taken from this?🤣

Show quote history

Yes. It’s a non event, I assume you are not married then.
You leapt to a negative conclusion and were rude bc a shop assistant looked the wrong way at a child you were looking after.

Deadringer · 28/07/2025 17:10

Much ado about nothing. Yabu

MrsSunshine2b · 28/07/2025 17:08

Maybe she just has RBF. Maybe you're not good at interpreting facial expressions. You were the one being unnecessarily confrontational. Most charity shop workers are actually volunteers and a lot of them have learning difficulties or similar so would find it hard to do paid work, so yes, sometimes you do find that you don't maybe get the same customer service as you would in other shops. You can always choose to go and pay double for new goods somewhere else.

As for turning away donations, they can only store what they have room for. They are not being rude or unreasonable to turn away donations.

Original poster
lostalil · 28/07/2025 17:06

Dontlletmedownbruce · 28/07/2025 16:59

So you approached someone asking if everything was alright because you didn't like the expression on their face. That is quite and forward and aggressive thing to do. And now you are leaving threatening never to return because they didn't tell you what was wrong? Sorry but you are way out of line, this woman didn't say anything to you or the child but you are still offended. Ridiculous behaviour

No, what is aggressive, is to scowl at a child who was doing nothing wrong.

Would you be happy for a stranger, to do this to you or your child? It’s passive aggressive and rude. She could have very easily have used her words.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostalil · 28/07/2025 17:04

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 28/07/2025 17:03

How long have you been married to the child’s father? If not married, there is not step child, You are trying too hard to make a point of how important the child is to you, it’s not necessary and you were very rude.

And that’s what you’ve taken from this?🤣

OP posts:
Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 28/07/2025 17:03

How long have you been married to the child’s father? If not married, there is not step child, You are trying too hard to make a point of how important the child is to you, it’s not necessary and you were very rude.

Original poster
lostalil · 28/07/2025 17:02

CherryYellowCouch · 28/07/2025 16:55

Nope, I tend to smile cheerily at them. Often them smile back.

Not everyone frowning is frowning at you. Even if they appear to looking in your direction. You seem a bit confrontational.

Show quote history

I was cheery with her though! I went over smiling and asked if anything was wrong? For her to bark at me “what’s the matter”.

Maybe I was confrontational, I went over to ask if everything was okay. Would it not be at this point you’d expect them to say either, yes all good thank you or no actually he shouldn’t be sat there or whatever🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Dontlletmedownbruce · 28/07/2025 16:59

So you approached someone asking if everything was alright because you didn't like the expression on their face. That is quite and forward and aggressive thing to do. And now you are leaving threatening never to return because they didn't tell you what was wrong? Sorry but you are way out of line, this woman didn't say anything to you or the child but you are still offended. Ridiculous behaviour

Toomanywaterbottles · 28/07/2025 16:58

You sound completely batty to me, and rude.

ChloeCannotCanCan · 28/07/2025 16:57

Why are you giving this woman, who did nothing except look at you in a way you have interpreted as ‘daggers’, so much headspace - just move on!

As for the assistant turning away a donation - I don’t know why you also have a problem with that. Charity shops often have limited space for stock, if they are full they can’t safely accept more. It’s not a tardis…

SilkCottonTree · 28/07/2025 16:56

You sound really affronted by this, is there more going on in your life that is making you extra sensitive? Most people would have just shrugged and forgotten about it by a few minutes later..

CherryYellowCouch · 28/07/2025 16:55

lostalil · 28/07/2025 16:39

Would you not ask someone who was scowling at you if something was wrong?

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Nope, I tend to smile cheerily at them. Often them smile back.

Not everyone frowning is frowning at you. Even if they appear to looking in your direction. You seem a bit confrontational.

Original poster
lostalil · 28/07/2025 16:54

Jackfruit82 · 28/07/2025 16:47

So why say you’re thinking of not returning? 🤷‍♀️

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Because I shouldn’t be made to feel on edge & as though I’ve done something wrong for having a browse, surely? 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’ve donated there before and I often go in a buy bits. I don’t fancy getting scowled at, or having 5 year old child scowled at. You wouldn’t expect to have someone give you daggers in Tesco, would you?

She could have very easily have brought it, whatever it was, to my attention.

OP posts:
DriveMeCrazy1974 · 28/07/2025 16:52

Are you sure she's a 'volunteer' and not carrying out some kind of unpaid work for probation?! I've known people who have had to work in charity shops because they've broken some law or other! It'd explain why she's not there that often and why she looks grumpy!

Jackfruit82 · 28/07/2025 16:47

lostalil · 28/07/2025 16:37

I love the shop🤣I’m in there all the time because it’s a 5 minute walk away. I’ve only seen her in there twice, the other staff are lovely.

So why say you’re thinking of not returning? 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
lostalil · 28/07/2025 16:44

mondaytosunday · 28/07/2025 16:38

Maybe she just doesn’t like kids or has had a bad time with them in the shop so was anticipating?
My DD loves charity shops but would agree with you that many of the people that work in them seem particularly miserable and not at all helpful. And I know many are volunteers but that doesn’t excuse it. And the reason they aren’t shifting stuff is they price things too high.

I agree with you completely. The shop is quite kid friendly though to be honest. There’s always plenty of children in there and even a sign encouraging the children to play with the toys. We’d already been round the other section to look at the books and not made a mess or even touched the toys.

She probably is a volunteer, but agreed, it doesn’t excuse it.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/07/2025 16:42

I can’t think it’s anything other than a “resting bitch-face” as you say. She might just have an angry looking face.

Lots of people who work in charity shops have additional needs too, so could be that?

RimTimTagiDim · 28/07/2025 16:41

It's amazing how many people on MN are always experiencing dirty looks from strangers when doing nothing to warrant it. Never happens to me.

Original poster
lostalil · 28/07/2025 16:40

lostalil · 28/07/2025 16:39

Would you not ask someone who was scowling at you if something was wrong?

Show quote history

I asked her if everything was alright and she responded with “what’s the matter” abruptly🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
lostalil · 28/07/2025 16:39

TheCurious0range · 28/07/2025 16:38

So she didn't say or do anything, you perceived that she looked towards your step child with a look you didn't like and you felt it was necessary to confront her? I don't think she's the problem.

Would you not ask someone who was scowling at you if something was wrong?

OP posts:
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