To wish I’d said something to this charity shop worker?

This is the second non issue thread I have read in a short time...
How do you know the chair was not for sale or going up for sale? A charity shop near me oftern sells settees, regularly I see customers stopping on them for a rest. Thease are normally settees which have the sold sign on them. I would never buy one from there due to the many customers who plonk themselves down even though they are sold. Yes, I know they are already used items of furniture, but something about countless random people putting their backsides on them irks me.

Exactly what I was thinking as I read it... additional needs.

To be honest, I work in a charity and we hate turning donations away
It's so generous of people to give things to us, but sometimes we just have to.We always apologise though and explain why.
As to the volunteer behind the till, maybe she was bored or didn't want to be there.
Believe it or not it's hard work, and I'm wiped out by the time I get home.
I am 74 though.
I love it, and find it easy to be chatty and friendly but we're all different.
I do agree with you though that she should try to have a better attitude.

So in other words nothing happened.
I have terrible resting bitch face when I’m thinking which could be misinterpreted by someone whose direction I was was generally looking in as a scowl.
Given the child was apparently doing nothing and she said nothing was wrong I fail to see what the issue is and why you would assume there was an issue.

Volunteer. That's the word you're most likely looking for. Not worker.

Anyway, it's you being unreasonable. Whether she was scowling or not, you escalated by confronting her when you could have just left it. Not everything in life has to be a battle.

Complete Non Event 🙄

Please shut up. And look up the word "subjective."

It is NOT gaslighting, for a start, disagreeing with someone online isn't gaslighting

It's also not calling OP a liar, it's asking her to reconsider whether maybe, just maybe, she was misjudging this woman she's seen precisely ONCE before and had taken a disliking to

She doesn't KNOW the woman.

Please remember that many charity shop staff are volunteers, and often have SEN, and are building their skills to enable applying for paid employment.
Could that be the case?

She doesn’t “know” the woman at all

because she may have been looking at her DSS a bit grumpily

There it is again, gaslighting the OP and calling her a liar. The OP knows the woman. She knows what she looks like. She said she glared angrily at her ss.

Were you there? No. She was. This is her experience. Why are you calling her a liar? Why not believe her???

Me: Is everything alright?
Her: What’s the matter?
Me: I’m asking if you are alright?

You should have been more explicit. She was probably thinking "Why is this random weirdo who seems to have beef with me asking whether I'm alright with ZERO context?"

I have a rather stern neutral face (see username), and in the couple of weeks I've had two incidents of 'concerned' people asking me if I'm alright because I had an 'angry' face. As far as I was aware, I was wearing a neutral expression and and certainly wasn't angry or upset.

Having your facial expressions scrutinised by strangers isn't the greatest, OP. Even worse when they give you absolutely no context as to why they're asking such strange, random questions.

Anyway, too late say anything else to her now. I mean I guess the shop is closed. Your only possible comeback at this point is writing a facebook status update. Something cryptic but pointed enough that she knows it's about her. Maybe "sick of haters" or perhaps "no more drama, just me and the kids now".

This is crackers. Nothing happened apart from you randomly asking her if everything was alright and if she was alright. She probably thought you were on day release.

Jesus Christ I swear Mumsnet is like an alternate universe, squaring up to charity shop works for a dirty look is just wow

Nor me

🤫

So…. It’s a bluff when you say you’re thinking of not returning?

Oh please fuck off with your "sisterhood" bullshit

People can suggest that there might be an alternate version of what happened.

OP is hardly lifting other women up either is she? Accusing this woman of being aggressive and bitchy because she may have been looking at her DSS a bit grumpily

"Always believe women" is both contradictory when women can have different stories and also insulting because women can and do lie and acting like they don't is just wrong

Ahhh, so she's barking now!

Maybe you just have a habit of over exaggerating things.

This is what really upsets me about women. We are often our own worst enemy. Instead of empathising and lifting each other up, people like you gaslight the OP, trying to make her doubt what she saw with her own eyes. We whinge about men not listening or believing women; why should they when fellow sisters don't even believe each other? The OP was there. She isn't crazy. She saw with her own eyes, what she saw. Why make out like she is lying or you know what she saw and experienced better than her? Were you there?

OP next time you go in there I'd have a word with one of the nice ladies and point out that this woman is hostile and abrupt and makes you feel uncomfortable to shop there. If she's like this with you, she would be like this with others. Hence the reason sales are low. They have the right to have a heads up on her and her behaviour.

Don't go back; that's an absolutely your right and not unreasonable at all. However, I think it's really easy to misinterpret someone's affect or facial expression. If she had said something negative to or about your stepson that would be different but I couldn't blame her for looking (and wouldn't have aggressively approached her about it especially as it sounds like your stepson wasn't bothered). If she were here telling the story, I suspect most people would say that she was not being unreasonable and you were.

Well you should have said so at the time then. There's not much point in carrying on about it later.

most people in charity shops are volunteers, they are often disabled or have mental health problems and are volunteering there because they don’t currently have the skills to work.
People have to volunteer is charity shops as community service as well so not their choice to be there.