Individual savings for mat leave

This is a tough one OP - are you young enough to start again and still have children?
yes he’s in debt but that comment isn’t helpful. If he doesn’t think he can support you whilst you’re on maternity leave then how else can he help? Could be put a bit away to bolster your savings?
a lot of mums I know have had to save to cover their own mat leave - I don’t agree with it but it seems like women r expected to take the brunt of a lot of it these days! For some reason dads r becoming more selfish and not realising how little their lives are affected vs yours.
if you want children and you’re happy to be both parents at times, then do it, but do it for you and with low expectation of ur partner

The fact is he hasn’t reduced his own debt and expects you to fund mat leave. He’s not willing to contribute to the cost of his own child while you financially disadvantage yourself and pause your career? It won’t get better.

I had a husband like this. I used my savings to cover my maternity leave and my own mother helped with the mortgage. I was very much in love. We were divorced within six years and I was accused of financially abusing him because I didn’t give him enough money (I shared my entire salary). Post divorce his financial contributions have been breadcrumbs designed to keep the child maint service off his back and he resents that I kept the property I owned before we were married. I predict a similar outcome for you if you go ahead and have a baby

The debt isn’t a red herring - it’s a big red flag. You have said yourself he adds to it when he doesn’t have enough and the result is it hasn’t been repaid / reduced as it should have been. Assuming you have spoken about TTC previously and his comments now you would have to pay yourself on maternity leave I’m afraid he isn’t really taking this seriously or that into having a baby with you. If he were he would have moved heaven and earth to get the debt reduced and get you on an even keel finance wise for the future.

I was thinking the same. How old are you? I get that you want a child but could you possibly leave and find someone else? I know this sounds ridiculous but this debt is gonna follow you and hinder your life. Does he have relatives that might help now or in the future?

I’m so sorry but you can’t afford a child with this man. Childcare is insanely expensive and who will pay for that?

How much is his debt? How old are you both?

You cannot afford to have children with this man. You are about to seriously disadvantage yourself financially for the next two decades as he is got about to become more fiscally responsible.

You’re missing the point! You think that his debt is the reason why you will struggle financially while on maternity when in fact it’s the reason why you shouldn’t have a child with someone who isn’t financially responsible. You’ll be in debt for the rest of your lives, you might end up bailing him out whether you want to or not, which might cause resentment between you.

You’ve delayed TTC in order to help him out financially and he’s done nothing but make it worse. He will keep on doing this! This is not a partnership!

I think you need to work on paying off the debt first. Even if it means taking full control of all the money and giving him pocket money like a bloody child.

No baby until that debt is gone…that’s what I would say to him. And see how fast he works on it…that will tell you how much he wants a child

I wouldn’t have a baby with a man like that. He should be planning to cover your losses during maternity leave, not have you use your savings. He should also be covering his share of all maternity and baby related expenses, everything from maternity clothing to nappies to days out with baby.

it’s not just that he can’t afford a baby, it’s that he thinks it’s ok that he can’t afford a baby and that you will pick up the slack while also growing the baby.

I’m not really sure how to vote, so I haven’t. Your contribution during any mat leave may not be financial per se but it’s allowing him to advance his career whilst your career stalls. Why should you have to dip into your savings to make up the shortfall whilst also doing all the childcare?

I’d counter his ridiculous suggestion with ‘fine, my hourly rate for childcare is £xx, you pay half as it’s your child too and then we’ll see where we are’.

Alternatively, just do the easy thing. Have a joint account where all bills come out of and everything in there is ‘family money’. That’s what DH and I do. We each still have a separate personal account and give ourselves £250 a month to spend as we wish. Works well 🤷‍♀️

Not only should he be financially supporting you on ML, he should be paying towards the pension contributions you are missing out on on ML and the difference in contributions, including employer contributions, if you go back to work PT rather than FT.

Hi op you should not be responsible to pay for a baby yourself just because you save if he is spending more money than he should how does he think a child will affect both of you? Will he expect you to pay for the pram etc. kids are not cheap and if he’s struggling now it will only put more pressure on you both. I read on another post recently a woman was paying for everything for the kids down to clothes holiday gifts etc. this is a joint expense and if your considering child care definitely think hard before you go ahead. His debt sounds like he is reckless tbh.

I would not be having a baby with this man.

This. He can't afford to have children because he hasn't prioritised financial stability.

If you have children with him regardless, you have a lifetime of taking on someone else's responsibilities ahead of you.

There is so much more joy in parenting with an equal than a passenger.

I can tell from this response that you aren't going to listen.

Ddo not have children with this waster. Financially idiotic and thinks you should use your savings rather than he stops taking on debt and saves with you.

Suggest to him that you do Shared Parental Leave and he'd better start saving for his 6 months of it...

Do not have a child with him?
He already tells you you will do everything?

Try StepChange or one of the other debt support charities. If you want children together see if he can become committed to repaying his debt and reworking his finances to avoid accumulating more.

You’ll get paid in the first 6 months anyway. The fact is, if he’s got no money left after paying his 50% and debts, your 50% has got to come from somewhere and your savings are the only place. What’s the alternative?

(Obviously this is entirely separate question from whether it’s sensible to have a child in these circumstances, but simply just dealing with how you pay the bills in the first year.)

If he is in such financial straits now, it's pretty obvious he won't be able to pay for everything over your maternity leave-there's nothing much else he can do.

You can choose not to have a baby with someone so financially reckless though!!

How would he pay for nursery costs?!

Sorry I know it's old-fashioned to see men in the "provider" role but... yes, actually?

You don't need to rely on him 100% (impossible for many people anyway these days) but the whole point of having a partner is that he can carry the load and support you during what is likely to be the most vulnerable time of your life, pregnancy and your child's infancy. That could be sharing the load but he's proposing he takes none of it? Sorry, what?!

I think married couples should generally have joint finances and plan jointly, including potentially paying off past debts unequally, if that is what maximises the couple's overall financial success - it's telling that you are (sensibly) holding off from this with him already as you know he's still adding to it.

Either get to a point where you feel comfortable jointly paying his debts (and jointly paying for mat leave) - with whatever conditions on spending and aggressive repayment that would require - or trust your gut and don't have children at all with him.

Do not have children with this wastrel.

Don’t have a baby with a man who keeps increasing his debt.

This has disaster written all over it.

OP what has he spent on? It's different imo if you have to self fund your kat leave because he got made redundant and had to retrain, getting into debt...vs if you're having to do this because he wanted fancy new toys and was generally irresponsible

If you have very different attitudes to money I'd think very carefully about having a baby with him. It's one thing if he doesn't have much money to contribute to doing things with you, because he is financially irresponsible. It's quite another if he is happy to see your child go without (eg if its going to be you paying for uniform, clubs, extras...so that he can spend any extra cash on himself)