Child’s friend insulted house

Time to teach your own DD about money, wealth and values I think. My husband and I recently had this conversation after he spent the day with his very very wealthy friends and their children. Big beautiful house with a pool, then out to a shopping centre where the friend’s children were gifted various expensive items and allowed very expensive snacks from the stalls and so on (husband said the friend did offer to buy our DD snacks but DH declined due to not wanting ‘charity’). DD got a bit upset and asked why she couldn’t have/didn’t have what they do. She’s 3. My husband wanted to stop seeing that friend because it had upset DD, but I said we have to just explain to DD that they are rich and we are not. In a factual manner. When she is a bit more capable of understanding we will teach her that there is no shame in choosing a less affluent lifestyle/job that doesn’t pay as well, and that she has benefits they don’t (like a stay at home parent, involved grandparents etc).

Me too!

My sons friend said our house was messy. He isn't wrong. We have far outgrown our house but can't afford to move so it's cluttered. I couldn't argue against it so I just brushed it off. I was mortified though

Re your last sentence, it’s then the parent’s job to tell them when they’ve said something rude and why it’s rude. It should be a learning moment.

Oh God, I still remember a friend of Ds's saying ' your house is lovely and messy, it's a bit mad isn't it'?
I was very harrumph.. messy?? How very dare he, but, looking around, there was crafting stuff everywhere, buckets full if craddies waiting for release, and loads of sarnie making stuff on the bench.
It WAS messy, he was right, but it was also a happy place that numerous 12 year old boys congregated during school holidays.
It wasnt the biggest, it wasn't the poshest, and it clearly wasn't the tidiest, but by God, it was a happy house.
Kids just state facts, there is no filter - just agree with them when it's true, and correct them them when it's crap😅

Posters who take offence at a comment made by an eight-year-old child need to grow up and act like adults rather than children.

100%. I teach manners from the go. Being kind is important and to be honest, I think 8 is way above and beyond to make a derogatory comment, however unconscious that is. I would have told a 3 year old that it was rude, let alone an 8 year old. Especially a child who is privileged.

I’ve had it from my friends daugther. They live in a much bigger house so I didn’t mind. I’ve also been told my house was messy when it was indeed messy due to having come back off holiday and clothes and washing everywhere. I just laugh it off. My kids have said mortifying things as times, kids just don’t realise what’s rude sometimes.

This happened to me last week. It really hurt my son's feelings. He is 7. I did speak (gently) to the other child and said what he had said really hurt the feelings of his friends and it was not very kind. I obviously mentioned it to the mum at pickup as well. My kids live in an area where many of them have very large homes. I am of the 'it takes a village' kind so if any child in my house or in my care says something hurtful/unkind I speak to them about it. I treat them as I treat
my own when they are with me which means I will correct any unkind behaviour. I'd expect the same from any parents my children are with.

I don't think it matters how old they are, or what they mean by it. If something they say comes across as unkind and hurt someone else's feelings, it is the adult's responsibility to teach them differently, in my view.

Being kind matters.

Passing comments can still be rude. The thing is, at what age do you teach your children what good manners are?

I might be in the minority but I had this from girls same age with my DD, they said it with utter contempt. told me there was no way they'd go upstairs to wash their hands as we should have had a downstairs cloakroom for them, and then complained we didnt have latest tech for them to play with. Made my DD feel bad and then they'd won, you could see they were happy with the outcome.

I think it's naive to say that they are merely stating facts, I think it's a form of bullying. I'd say if the house is that small they'd best not come back!

We had it from a 12 yo at the weekend.. he was saying someone we knew had a small house and one of my kids invited it by saying is it bigger or smaller than our house and he said oh no it's bigger than your house..

Our house is 4 bed detached on the edge of a village with river running through the garden and two per sheep.. but he admittedly lives in a bigger house.

it's not intended with malice. They don't mean to be rude. They are just stating facts..

She was just mentioning what she noticed . Around that age my niece used to wonder with some concern where my house and husband were.

When DD was the same age she had one playdate where the girl told me how small our kitchen was and one playdate with a boy who was amazed at how big our house was (he was also impressed that we had sprinkles on icecream though) - it is all relative.

The girl who commented on the smallness of our kitchen had just had theirs done though - and the loft. I suspect her parents had talked a lot about houses and room sizes over the previous 18 months!

She's 8. She probably has little concept that spending power is different for different people, or how much things cost.

One of my DD's friends stood in my front garden and said it was a bit overgrown. Another complained about the food. They don't have a filter and don't mean it the way an adult would. I would let it go, you can't get offended by what kids say at that age.

Dds current best friend is oligarch rich and the sweetest most appreciative teen ever. Spends a lot of time at our house hers is too huge to be homely.

I do remember dds friend saying “gosh what an odd cake” at one of her birthday parties as I came out carrying it😀. She was a lovely girl and to be fair it was an odd cake! She didn’t say it in an unkind way but was funny and got bought cakes after that as cake decoration is definitely not my forte!

I live in a small 2 bed bungalow, and DD's friend kept banging on about how much she loved it, so tiny , so cute . She lived in a massive 4 bed house with massive garden.

She thought she was being nice....

She also told DD she felt sorry for her because I only bought her Adidas trainers and not Nike. I told her that we don't follow brands, they are a waste of money and DD understands that she can buy 3 times as much by not wearing brands.

I remember when I was a teen, saying to my friends mum - if I won the lottery I would buy a little house like this, but I'd do it up really nice.... I meant that I would do it up so one room a bedroom, one room a library, one room a dressing room, turn the bathroom into a shower room, put a swimming pool in the garden etc, but it came out completely wrong

Years ago I was talking to our NDN over the fence. The child she was holding was about 6 or 7. He said ‘God, why is your garden so small compared to ours?’ I laughed and said ‘you need a bigger garden to do your football and cricket, there’s only two of us!’

His mother was mortified. I wasn’t. We were childless and in our early 30s, they were maybe ten years older with young kids. It wasn’t our forever home which is maybe why I took the comments with a pinch of salt.

For your child’s sake you should say something like ‘people choose where to spend their money. Some people choose to spend it on their house. And different people have different amounts of money. But questioning other people about money and where they spend it is not considered polite in this country ’ and leave it at that. But with a kind smile. So it’s not a telling off. Just information

Pretty sure my DDs at 8 knew what was and wasn't rude. Don't underestimate her knowing full well she's being goady or showing off...this is the age when they start to figure out how to use social situations to one up the other, but don't have the sophistication to couch it in subtleties.

Our next-door neighbor kids were like this, and, surprise, surprise, they are now rude and condescending teenagers. It's learned behavior.

The last option is the closest to what I would have told my children to say, but more along the lines of ‘that’s very rude’. Because it is. My youngest would have said it without any prompting to be fair. He was always more tuned in to people’s intentions than his brother. And I do think, at 8, there is likely to be ill intent.

I thought my best friend's parents were posh because they sometimes had squirty cream on their (instant) coffee.

She's 8.

That's all there is to it.