Child’s friend insulted house

When my son was about 5 he had a habit of commenting on how clean other people's houses were in a tone of absolute amazement which always made me feel the need to explain that we do also clean our house, honest.

Kids don't necessarily mean things in a bad way, they just comment on things they see are different as it's of interest to them.

I wouldn’t take the slightest bit of notice. Kids talk absolute nonsense sometimes.

I remember having my eldest child’s friend round once. He told me our house was small, our garden was small, he had a bigger goal in his house and he had a pool table at his nans house 🤷‍♀️

When my youngest son went to his best friends house he came home and said to me that he thought their house would have been a bit better as it was very small and not in a very nice place. I was like “well I hope you didn’t say that because that would be very rude”. He assured me that he didn’t.

Then he went to another friends house and came back and told me how their house was so much better than ours and they had a playroom, when I reciprocated the play date, ds said that he’d rather go to the other boys house as their house was bigger and better than ours.

I can say hand on heart that I’ve been in all of these houses (including my own of course). We all live in 3 bed semis, all the houses are the same size, standard and in the same area.

And that is absolutely fine. I'd probably, never invite the child back again tbh. Manners and kindness are important to me. Life is too short to have people around me and my children who don't share those values.
Children don’t always have the same manners when they’re out, they’re excited- they’re kids! Your own children and all of our children have probably said things at others’ houses but we don’t know because we’re not there and their parents aren’t going to tell us unless it’s something horrific!

At 8, they should have been taught, for quite some time that 'just commenting' is rude.

I went to a neighbour's house when I was eight and told them their house was massive and really nice because it had squishy, thick carpet, nice 'stuff' and smelled good. And they had toilet paper with roses on it and grass you could stand on.

They had the exact same house and garden size. It was just clean, furnished and not filled with clutter, assorted bits of broken furniture stacked up in front of one another, scraps of carpet, rusty bits of metal, broken glass and cat shit.

And that is absolutely fine. I'd probably, never invite the child back again tbh. Manners and kindness are important to me. Life is too short to have people around me and my children who don't share those values.

My son had a friend round at about the same age, and the friend asked why we didn't have a swimming pool or an Xbox. They're now 12 and that kid is turning into a bit of an arse - very aware that his family are much wealthier than most, and willing to crow about it.

I hope that while you now have a bigger garden, and presumably a bigger house, that you do not have a real tiger skin rug with head. How awful.

She's 8. My DD has a friend of around the same age who always says our house is messy, she's round a lot because her Mum throws her kids out for the day and doesn't let anyone in, so it makes sense her house would be tidy! I don't get my feelings hurt by small children.

Wow. You honestly get involved in 8-year-olds dramas? And would call a child a b*tch? I take it you are an adult? You are willing to write such things on a public forum? And then have the temerity to call out an 8-year-old's rudeness?

You’ve just reminded me that when we were newly living in London in our first jobs, and had a one-bed flat next to a halfway house, DH brought back his rather posh west London book group for a meeting. Two of them said ‘Can we see the rest of the flat?’, apparently labouring under the delusion that the floor above must also be ours. I had to point out that as they were sitting in the kitchen-dining-living room, and had left their coats in the bedroom next door, they had in fact already seen it apart from the bathroom.😀

I then had to console them for being terribly, terribly embarrassed.

My 8-year-old DS wouldn't think about house size being correlated with wealth (I don't think so anyway). It's possible your DD's friend does think that way, but equally possible it's a completely innocent comment.

I'd ignore it.

It's odd that she kept commenting on and on rather than just mentioning the size, but perhaps you're picking up on it more than normal as you're already sensitive to your house being smaller than others in the area. I'd just check with your daughter to make sure she hasn't been upset, if you think she might be. Don't bring the specific comments up directly but just ask if she had a nice time with her friend and let her tell you if anything's bothering or puzzling her. If not, let it go.

This reminds me of the time I had one of my godchildren round and she went out of the sitting room for a minute, reappeared looking aghast and saying “so you LIVE in JUST these rooms?”

It doesn’t matter how big your house is!

Course you can. Don’t be such a wet lettuce.

My son when to a new friends house and came back saying how enormous it was, with two kitchens, a pool and so on. He was about 7 at the time so it would not have surprised me if he had said while there ‘wow two kitchens and a pool that’s so cool’. He didn’t equate it with the family being very rich, he was just wowed by it (as well as the real tiger skin rug with head). I can imagine his friend coming to ours and saying our garden was tiny (it was then) and we certainly didn’t have two kitchens or a pool!
Saying things in a sneery way is different from saying facts and I expect an 8 year old is just commenting not judging.

You're being unreasonable. The child is 8, they're not insulting your house, they're just asking questions and don't realize it's rude nor intend for it to be rude. You're just feeling insecure and taking your feelings out on a small child.

One thing I don't understand: why is it an insult to say that someone's house is small if it is small. She must have also said something else that upset OP, surely?

Soontobesingles

diplomatically, as in ‘everyone lives in different houses’ and a shrug. If someone had said to me as a child ‘don’t be rude’ I’d have made excuses to not be near that parent again

You have just reminded me that I was asked about this by my friend's children. They were around 8/9, I think. They asked where my children and husband were. They were absolutely baffled. Perhaps I was one of the few of my friend's acquaintances who was both single and child free. Should I have taken offence at this? (I didn't)

don’t be such a wet blanket! Of course
you can teach other people’s children manners when they are in your home.

Yes of course, and I will always speak to my kids if they say something that could be construed as rude and I hear it or am aware. However I think OP shouldn’t take this to heart or as a criticism as it’s been said by a child not intending to be harmful.

You could just say something like 'yes Amy, our house is a bit smaller than yours but it's rude to make comments about people's houses when you are visiting them'

add the ‘but it’s rude’ bit and no matter what that child will never go near your child again- you can’t say stuff like that to other people’s children, you’ll embarrass or terrify them!

Nah. Its rude and should be pointed out as rude. If they don't mean it with malice, that's great. But their parents are not teaching them manners.

Oh I don’t think it’s always innocent.

a friend had a DD who could be a right little bitch at 8- constantly looking down her nose at others. The family is wealthy and the 8 yr old was very status aware. She could also be quite manipulative and liked playing Queen bee with other girls. It made me relieved my son just played with her brother so didn’t get involved in the games.

its the kind of thing young children like to say - my house is bigger than yours.

I wouldn’t bother but make sure your DD knows that it doesn’t define her and its a choice that adults make.

my home is smaller than DBs but worth about 4x his because we live in different areas.