Child’s friend insulted house

Kids say what they are thinking with no filter at that age. I know a family where one of their DCs won’t ask friends for sleep overs/ visits for the opposite reason, as their house is big and the DC is embarrassed when people comment on it so doesn’t want anyone else over. Everyone wants to fit in and I don’t know what the answer is because you can’t shrink or make your house bigger

This scenario bothers me too! We live in a 4 storey Victorian end terrace with fairly small garden but lots of DD’s friends are in detached new builds. This is my choice but I worry about the comparison even though value wise they are on a par and ours is actually quite big.

Kids say stupid insensitive things. So do adults. There are worse and more insensitive comments to hear. Some people are mean. It's a life skill to deal with the assholes and ignore them. It's lesson which is hard to learn but once learnt is good for self esteem and makes it easier to be happy.

Kids just say what they see.

DD when 8 commented on meeting friend’s Dad “oh I thought he was your Grandad”. The Dad in question was mid 50s but did look much older with a head of grey hair. The family were very cross. No matter how many times I apologised they still held a grudge.

Agree.

I had very similar from dd friend who lives just down the road in a similar house. But it was mocking dd at school after a play date. Only difference is her mum has a BMW 4x4. I suspect the girl overheard a snooty comment from someone else as we don't have a flashy car. We have the same type of house at the same price point.

But then again that friendship group was also debating why dd had primark Disney pumps at 7. All very materialistically odd at 7. Asking why Primark shoes. Who the geff knows brands at 7?

We're the 'poor' ones out of DSs (8) friends. We have a 3 bed shabby semi whereas they all have 4-5 bed detached, very modern and insta-style houses.
Yes they've made comments about this as they all clearly notice the difference, but it doesn't stop them liking coming round or playing with DS.
Try to keep it in perspective, they're commenting on what they see.

When my son was younger and I told him his friend was going on holiday on a plane he said aww haven’t they got a car 😂

Other kids and my own kid often say our house is small compared to other people. It's cos it's a bungalow with attic conversion, square foot it's probably the same as theirs.But they are Victorian 3 storey houses around us. I've also been asked by other kids why my children's bedrooms and bathroom are downstairs etc . Kids just like to compare , they don't even mean it badly. I just say - cos we like it like this.

I haven't read the full thread, but I think the messages young children get around money can be quite confusing. They read stories about characters living in castles and palaces, watch historically-set TV and films with completely inaccessible lifestyles (Ponies? Servants? Boats? Private islands? 😂*), may overhear their parents talking about not being able to afford certain things, then are also asked to take part in fundraising activities at school to help out less fortunate people. Go figure! When I was teaching, a 'Wear Football Strip for Shelter' day rather ground my gears as a significant proportion of the families at that school lived in social housing and a number of recent-arrivals to the UK were only temporarily-housed themselves...

Children are innocent and only know what they know. I found it helpful to a) be quite honest with my DC about our financial position relative to others and b) also convey the social rule that, in general, it is best not to talk about money. At a young age I said that people were 'shy' about talking about money, which seemed to give the right message.

*I know that there are lots of different lifestyles represented on Mumsnet so await someone forging onto the thread to tell us that their groom regularly takes their children's ponies over to Kirin Island to let off steam and kick up their heels and that it is sheer reverse snobbery to say that this is anything other than a perfectly ordinary way to live, but for the average UK family in the early 21st Century? No.

😂

Well, does the house feel insulted?
Because remember, offence is taken, not given!😂

shocking isn’t it? Expressing an honest opinion on an anonymous forum!

calm down and don’t get your knickers ( and your pearls) in a twist.

the child was a brat. And ‘bitchy’ was exactly what the behaviour was.

i didn’t get involved at all. Was just my observation as she caused chaos at every get together. There was always one girl out of the group coming to parents crying and upset. This 8 year old was always at the centre of the drama.

obviously children are all farting rainbows on the pink cloud you live on, but meanwhile, on planet earth, children have a range of personalities. Some are more likeable than others. Like all people.

also, are you an adult? You sound like someone trying to impersonate one, but getting it wrong.

My daughters friend asked why our dining table was in the living room, probably around the same age. I thought it was funny and laughed about it later with her Mom. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

My son went to private school and even there they didn’t like other kids boasting about their wealth and the ‘stuff’ they had. Not all the kids (including mine) were rich (this was before vat and price hikes). The boastful ones were not well thought of.

Objectively, you did say your house was smaller than other homes so she wasn't wrong. Instead of projecting malicious intent on an 8 year old ("insulted" your house) you have to accept that you do live in a smaller home and it's ok. Our flat is also small but perfectly laid out and we invested more in appliances & location than just living space. I'm the first person to tell others that our home is small but works great for us, and DD is well aware that we can't have big parties at home because it'll just be chaos.

That is just sooo adorably hilarious lol! Like something out of Outnumbered 😅

Wouldn't bother me at all. Children only know what they know so she knows what her house is and stayed a fact, to her it's small. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it, houses just come in different sizes which shel learn.

Wow, didn’t expect there to be so much traffic on this. I personally can’t see any problem at all. It’s an 8 year old who of course is going to be curious if they’re used to their personal circle having mainly large houses. From OPs post, all child did is ask her friend why. She didn’t insult anyone. So I don’t understand those responses calling the child ‘rude’ and they wouldn’t invite them back?! Essentially punishing them for being a curious child?!

Also, OP needs to grow a thicker skin if she’s getting hurt at such tame Qs. Girls especially can be incredibly spiteful and manipulative from tweens onward and she’ll need to be able to offer measured and calm guidance when her DD inevitably comes to her with at least one or so issues as she’s growing up.

Asking an 8 year old to be grateful is putting an older head on young shoulders. Aren't you supposed to be a parent. FGS children say all sorts of things, get over it, they are children

You’re not unreasonable to feel a bit upset, but 8year olds often don't have much of a filter, and the size or otherwise of your house is not a reflection on you personally, so don’t take it to heart.

Just to wade in, I went to a London private school, back in the days of assisted places. This meant that there were girls from a VERY broad range of families in different income brackets...

I feel a bit silly admitting this, but I actually didn't make the connection between house size and wealth for years and years. Even as an older teenager I didn't really compute it - I thought families would choose to live in bigger or smaller places because they wanted to 😝 I can't remember when I realised tbh.

I do think it was an easier time because none of us had phones or anything, we all wore a uniform so we weren't thinking about clothes etc - so less opportunity for kids to 'show' how wealthy (or not) they were. I was being a bit dim but it's just illustrative to show how kids aren't really making those connections -particularly not aged 8!

I re bet years ago a much more wealthy friends mum drove me home . I lived in a tied house as my mother worked on the estate. When I pointed out where to stop, she stared at the house and said ” you live here?” In an incredulous tone of voice. I just wish I’d been able to think of a sharp retort! Perhaps I should have said” yes, it’s amazing how one can live in such a hovel!”

That depends on what you are comparing @Username0900

If I was the parent of one of your children’s friends, I absolutely would not give a shit about what size your house is.

I’d give a shit that my child had made a friend who was kind and fun and when they visited your home, were welcomed and looked after when in your care.

Anyone who thinks differently is incredibly shallow.. and who gives a shit what a shallow person thinks??