Child’s friend insulted house

I think it’s normal and doesn’t mean anything much coming from an eight year old. I do think though that eight is old enough to be learning about tact and appropriate comments, but even of those kids whose parents have tried, there will still be many making mistakes at that age. Often that will be because in their eyes there is no context or judgment attached. Just observation and curiosity.

The house doesnot care
You should not either

" yes it is small so not many floors to hoover. We love it "

What's insulting about what she said? Some people do have small houses (myself included!) - it's no big deal.

I get how it's annoying @Spicychili but don't sweat it. Kids say what they see, and if your house and garden are small, she's doing nothing wrong by commenting on it really. It is a little bit rude though, but kids don't think.

I remember one of my friends came around to my parents house when we were about 7 or 8, (large council house, with a kitchen, utility, and a back hall, (as well as a front one) and a loo at the back of the back hall. We didn't go in - or use that part of the house that often, so mum didn't clean it more than 2-3 times a month.

My friend went to the loo in there, and later that day when a neighbour came to see my mum to drop off 3 eggs she owed her, my friend said (to my mum) 'Hey Mrs Typewriters, you have LOADS of massive cobwebs in your back hall!' My mum was LIVID. Especially as she said it in front of nosey, gossipy Hilda from No 3! 😂

Kids are such twats. 😆

Kids are ruthless at that age. My DD asked if her friend wanted to come to our house for dinner because her mum's dinners weren't very good. In front of the child's mum.

Tell your DD to explain to her friend that houses come in all different sizes and some people live in big houses, some in smaller ones, to look surprised and say 'didn't you know that?'

Well it’s rude as hell and she should know that. DD is 9 and knows that she’s lucky and not to mention anything personal about someone’s house, face, body. It’s called manners.

@ConfusedSloth makes a very valid point.

If you lived in a huge mansion, you wouldn’t have been upset if she had asked your daughter why she lived in such a huge house.

'Involved in the discussion?', how would you have got involved? It's 2 kids chatting. Your DD showed maturity by just brushing it off, that's exactly what she's meant to do.

This thread has been done so many times that whilst I wouldn't say it's 'normal', I'd say it's upset a few people enough to post about it rather than just brush it off.

Many kids haven't learned that there's another world outside their own bubble yet.

If she remembers this when she's older, she could well be mortified.

Take your daughter aside and explain this as a point of etiquette. Never comments on what people are wearing, their family or their home. It is just downright rude!

We got asked once by a visiting child (friend of daughter) where the playroom was and she was aghast that we did not have one. My daughter didn't notice/care.

I think it's just a case of kids without filter and as pps said- they don't know the sensitivities adults have around houses. I remember inviting a friend to stay and she said our house was 'so small'. She lived on a farm, so yes in comparison. One of DS1's friends came to visit and commented about ours 'well, it looks nicer on the inside than out ' (we had a skip outside). Another friend who lives in a flat (we have a mid-terrace) said it's a 'Mini-mansion' and said we must be 'posh' because we had pictures on the walls.

She's 8, and at that age, she's just stating a fact. If her house is bigger, she will presume that everyone's house is the same as her house.

It's a sore point for you, she isn't some kind of miniature Joan Collins passing judgement on your house. She's just observing something outloud.

We had similar from a 6 year old after a play date once. To her, the fact that we had one smallish tv and I cycled everywhere and didn’t own a car were evidence of poverty. The funny thing was that I’m pretty sure the child’s mother would have thought the same, only that she knew DH was a high earner (high profile job locally) and that I was an academic, so she knew we were comfortably off. We’d just moved to a village where there were quite strict LMC ideas about what wealth looked like, and it was hot tubs, Quooker taps, grey interiors, and being a SAHM with expensive hair and cars.

I thought it was hilarious. The child didn’t mean any harm, and the mother (who was well-meaning, but not the most imaginative) was having her mind enlarged by encountering the idea that not everyone spends their income the way she would.

She's just saying what is in front of her, she doesn't understand that a larger house signifies status and wealth, and that pointing it out can be an insult, it's not an adult's perspective. She's just literally saying it is small.

My own daughter once did this when we visited her friend's flat, we live in a small terrace house ourselves but she couldn't get over them not having an upstairs in their house. It sounded awful to adult ears and I spoke to her afterwards but of course she had no idea it was potentially sensitive, she was just comparing a with b.

That happened to my when my kid was 8 too. And it did stick in my head too. It has no effect on my child either at the time. It is rude to say that but either she isn't aware of that/hadn't been pulled up on it or she hears her parents talk like that about others. Could very well be the latter. My kid and this child are no longer friends now so there could be a possibility they will fall out later down the line.

She's 8

It’s just ignorance not meant to upset. My son was loudly intrigued that some houses were “joined together” at a few years younger than this. We live in the back of beyond and his friends lived in detached homes and he’d never been inside a semi/terrace house (which frankly was worth far more than ours). We explained and then blew his mind with the concept of flats 🤣🤣🤣

Try not to get upset.

She really wouldn’t have had a clue she was being tactless or rude.

In my experience children don't tend to comment or even notice the size of someone's house. They are more interested in their toys and what snacks are available.
It's an odd thing for a child to comment on but I would just either ignore it or just say something like there are lots of different size houses and this is our house. Your house is different

My DD had a playdate once...they were 5 at the time. The child was absolutely flabbergasted that we only had one car. They have five. Genuinely kept asking me if it was true we only had one car and why. They were genuinely baffled rather than rude or brattish though.

Kids are often rude because they don't understand what subjects are sensitive to adults!

You could just say something like 'yes Amy, our house is a bit smaller than yours but it's rude to make comments about people's houses when you are visiting them'

Some children are curious and just ask innocently.

In other cases, parents are idiots and it reflects on the kids.
I had a child over once and when the parent picked them up the first thing they said was “Oh mummy, they are poor!”. 🙄 The parent just smiled, didn’t correct them.

I’d say look at the parents and you’ll know which scenario it is.

You've been oversensitive. Kids are blunt, they say what they see. At that age DD asked me if we were poor because we only had one telly and Bethany's house had 4.