Child’s friend insulted house

My DC told her friends our house has 4 floors (not bragging, was explaining hide and go seek I think…) and they were all like WOOOWWEEEEE it must be a mansion. Reality: she goes to school
in an extremely wealthy area (most houses are £3M+). We have a perfectly nice house but it’s only 4 floors because it’s terraced whereas friends houses are all 2 stories but easily 2-3x bigger than ours and detached 🤷‍♀️. Kids have no idea what they are saying at that age and honestly no real idea of space. It’s not an insult.

At 8 it wasn't a perfectly innocent question.

One of ours had a snooty pal who once asked where our hottub was, I replied we didn't have one as they're a bit common. She knew what she was asking, sadly kids of showy off parents tend to follow in their footsteps with pa 'innocent' questions.

She didn't 'sneer'. She just asked why. You're assuming there was a nasty motive for the child's probably perfectly innocent question.

Reminds me of a child coming over, looking out to the garden and asking incredulously, "Is that it? Our garden is much bigger", followed by "Where's the playroom?". We had toys everywhere and lots of space, but they couldn't believe we didn't have one.

I'd asked the mum what food they liked to eat beforehand, and she said pizza. I had a newborn, so struggled with making several flavours of homemade pizza with salads to make sure there was a choice. Guess what, all refused! I offered alternatives, cheese and tomato sandwich refused because "That's not very healthy!". The child went home hungry.

Was still tearful the next day (newborn sleep deprivation), didn't host for a looong time after that!

I grew up in a small house, but no 8 year old ever said anything. Ever. My friends liked coming to my house because my mum was relaxed about having them around and made them feel welcome. When I was a teenager though - that was when the comments started. At an age when it was deliberately designed to hurt and belittle me. And when they should have known better. Horrible brats.

She's 8 not 3, she knew exactly what she was doing when she sneered at the size of the house and garden.

Just have a word wirh your dd, say you overheard and give her tips on a few retorts if this pal shows off again.

I see a few comments on here about terraced houses...I wonder if this is more of a thing outside London. Here in London, terraced houses are absolutely everywhere and are often worth an absolute fortune. They are not associated with being poorer.

Sounds like your house and garden are small, so whats the issue?

She was just commenting on the truth. Sounds like she has a big garden, not her fault.

A child came to our house once and looked in bemusement asking, ‘so is this a terraced house’? She had never seen one of those before as most of the kids at the school had huge properties. I did indeed tell her it was a terraced house. I felt like I had educated her 😂

ETA the kid was seven. I took no offence. Though I did worry if my children would be ostracised at school for being poorer. Thankfully their friends didn’t mind!

It's quite common as kids tend to say things as they see it. I was very embarrassed once when my son, though much younger at the time, kept asking why someone's bathroom was so dirty when they were within earshot!

A long time ago when I was a kid I remember the teacher asking us to count how many rooms we had in our homes. I lived in a two bed bungalow so I had the grand total of 5 if I counted the hall! When it came to my turn everybody was saying I’d got it wrong etc. I was mortified and clearly its one of my lasting memories.

I’d hope that teachers today have more sense than to ask kids things like that now.

Best comment I ever got on a play date was the other kid earnestly informed me that her mother had said that my dd was the worse behaved child she’d ever met 🙈

I was invited to a girls house when I was in primary school....I remember thinking they must be quite poor because they had a microwave in their living room and quite a large stain on the wall, almost like a burn mark, looking back maybe it was mould? I never said anything though as my parents were quite strict with me about manners and not making personal comments....I remember feeling a bit sad though rather than anything else.

My 6 year old said in front of a child and their mum :

"Mummy, can you believe it. The reason Sophie smells of chips is because she has chips every night. I wish we could have chips every night."

I actually died inside, and I can imagine the mum did too.

13 is old enough to know better. She wasn't asking why your house was small. She was saying it was and making you agree.

Completely different scenario to OP

It’s bad mannered even at that age. A school friend came round once when we were about 13 and the first thing she said was isn’t your house small, wish I’d told her not to be so bloody rude but I just felt embarrassed. So my kids were taught from a young age to never make remarks about the size of friends houses if they were smaller.

A friend of mine lives in 5 bed detached house and her son’s school friend said the same thing! (Turned out he lived in some kind of manor house!). She was pretty annoyed at the rudeness.

As someone who’s home(1 bed flat) , is smaller than most people’s… meh. All DD’s friends lived in 3 bed houses , some even in 5/6 beds. There were comments, sometimes even from adults like “how do you fit it all in?”. The main thing was that no one was actually snobby about it and kids actually loved coming over and it was the “gathering “ house.

A kid once asked me at pick up why "my mum and dad were so old" (parents in their 30s compared to my friends who, looking back was probs early 20s). I then asked my parents this completely as innocently.

Kids at this age say what they see, its nothing personal.

I don't think she was insulting it. It is just literally a fair bit smaller than other houses she's been to. That's not to say you shouldn't guide her towards saying things in a sensitive way. Or kind of deflect it maybe...

Something like 'people, houses, animals, everything comes in different sizes. You're small now but will get bigger. Some people and things are just meant to be small and will stay that way'.

Or 'its smaller because it's made of less bricks and has a smaller roof, and less bedrooms.'

I saw this happen. (Not about my home thank goodness) child A who lived in a large house in an unfashionable area asked child B who lived in a small house in a hugely fashionable area why her home was so small. (And she meant it unkindly).
I considered intervening but decided explaining to 8 year old girls why location made child B's house far posher than Child A's house was a conversation I wasn't willing to have.

This. She was making an observation and she didn't know it was rude. I can understand why you were slightly upset though.

I think kids from both ends of the scale just need direction on how to navigate stuff like this. Kid is 8yo and not an unusual comment.

how did you respond?

when dd was at primary we lived in a 3 bed semi and her best friends parents were multi millionaires who lived in an 8 bed mansion

dd once asked why we didn’t have as big a house as her friend. And I just pointed out that dd is lucky compared to others. Her house may not be a mansion but she has a bedroom and there’s always food in the fridge and we can afford heating, unexpected bills, etc. she seemed to take it on board.

But at 8 years old the kid probably doesn’t even understand that a smaller house is making a comment about money or having less or more. 8 is still very young where those sorts of calculations are concerned.

The poster who mentioned the rigid ideas around LMC status/status symbols has nailed it and I love that they are challenging the perception of what wealth actually is for these people!

This child hasn't been educated to understand what's socially acceptable to question or express or has learned these values from somewhere.

If they are otherwise nice, I'd just make sure my child understands their worth and value doesn't come from the home their parents have.

Unfortunately though, there always has been and always will be around home snobbery. There were (awful) kids at my school who wouldn't speak to people who didn't live on the right streets. Hopefully they've grown up to have better values.

One of DS’s friends had just moved into a leafy road when they walked down it as a class. When the boy proudly pointed out his new home (purchased for the best part of £3m), the classmate said ‘Oh that’s a small house’. The lad who made the comment lived in a 6000 square foot mansion nearby so it’s all relative. I’m just thankful they didn’t see ours! 😅. This was all relayed to me by DS who despite his tender years then was very careful around the subject of privilege and money as it had been drummed into him.