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Original poster

To be annoyed that I’m being blamed for this?!

86 replies

AngelaSnerkel · 28/07/2025 09:03

We (DH, toddler and I) went to a wedding with my mother last month. She drove to us, briefly came in for a cup of tea, and then we all went in our car.

Weeks later, she’s asked us to look for a set of keys she allegedly left on our hallway table. It’s keys to my grandparents’ house and she said she took them from her car and put them there for safekeeping.

The keys aren’t there and DH and I haven’t seen them. DM is now “very disappointed” in me for losing her keys and is going to draw me a diagram of the keys and where she left them so I can find them, and keeps messaging me to ask that I “look again properly.”

AIBU to think this is insanity?

OP posts:
BigDayForTheWomen · 28/07/2025 16:06

I wonder if DM’s memory is not what it was. I have episodes of being absolutely certain that I left something in a particular place then remembering hours or days later that I moved it. If this keeps happening you might suggests she talks to a doctor.

Rainbows41 · 28/07/2025 16:05

The mere fact that it took her weeks to remember she left them there says it all...
Marbles lost.

user1492757084 · 28/07/2025 15:52

Borrow a metal detector and use it near mother's car, house, drive etc..
Could she have left them on the table at the wedding venue?

steff13 · 28/07/2025 15:49

It's crazy that she's blaming you. But I do kind of love that she needs to draw you a diagram because apparently she thinks that you don't know what keys look like.

Ohnobackagain · 28/07/2025 15:48

She probably didn’t put them on the table. If they were in her bag, might be under her car seat/in the kerb having fallen out/under a chair or sofa somewhere. Fine to ask if you have seen them (maybe check all your bags in case someone else picked them up and dropped them somewhere thinking they were yours). Absolutely not ok to accuse/blame you!

MounjaroMounjaro · 28/07/2025 15:34

So she drove to yours, put her own car keys in her handbag and took out the other set of keys and left it on a messy table? Why would she do that? If she wanted to leave them there for safekeeping why leave them on a messy table?

StillTooOldToCare · 28/07/2025 15:32

Clear off the hall table outline a space with crime scene tape - take photo of image and send to your mother. With message about you really hope in future she remembers where she put things, and you and dh were just discussing how you both hope this isn't the first sign of dementia.

gotmyknickersinatwist · 28/07/2025 15:29

What age is your mum? How often do you see her?
Is she generally forgetful, or have you noticed her becoming forgetful?

If she is starting to become forgetful, she may well have noticed herself, & could well be feeling worried or frustrated.

But of course, only you know if her words & behaviour over this fit with how she normally is!

Imisssleep2 · 28/07/2025 15:22

Any way you could subtly look at her house/in her car? Although if you find them she'll prob say you found at yours and making up finding them in her car from what you have said so far.

It's an odd thing to do without at least communicating it to the people who live in the house you leaving the keys

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 28/07/2025 15:21

Op this brings back some awful memories.. As a dc my dm used to blame me for things going missing.. Her things like make up, clothes etc.... She was a single dm and I was an only dc... She absolutely must have fabricated stuff to have a go at me for..
Is your dm annoyed about something else and just needing a reason to have a go at you?
Ime it would have been me /my dc out shining her at an occasion for example...

Imisschampagne · 28/07/2025 15:16

NHSFifeStatementFinalFINALFinalVersionV9FINAL · 28/07/2025 10:14

Take detailed photos of your hall table, send them to her and ask her to circle the keys if they are in the photo.

Love that.

OP - your mom sounds batshit crazy. Does she often blame you for her own faults?

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/07/2025 15:14

"she said she took them from her car and put them there for safekeeping."

'Really, mum? Without telling me that that was what you were doing? They're not there and I frankly don't believe they ever were! Stop blaming me for YOU losing keys, and start looking elsewhere - like where you ACTUALLY left them.'

She'd be getting very short shrift from me. She needs to start looking for the keys herself, or they will forever be lost where she left them.

HG1984 · 28/07/2025 15:14

Tell your Mum the keys must have been sad that she left them and gone to look for her. Seriously, she’s lost them 🤣.

Terrribletwos · 28/07/2025 15:13

Well the fact that she finds you "disappointing" because you haven't found the keys is a concern. Most folks would not react in that way. Does she usually react like that?

Fliss1974 · 28/07/2025 15:10

My mil does this alot. Have you checked she's not put them in the car she went in with you. My mil has a big habit of putting her keys in the pockets on the car doors and forgets them. To the extent she's been dropped off somewhere and have to drive back to give her keys.

Contrarymary30 · 28/07/2025 15:07

Hilarious 😂

spoonbillstretford · 28/07/2025 15:05

That's very annoying of her.

DD1 once hid keys I'd set down for five minutes when she was 18 months old, then of course had no idea where she had put them when asked. I found them a few weeks later in a kitchen cupboard.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 28/07/2025 15:05

She's lost the keys and wants to blame you for some reason.

She's barmy. If she'd really left them where she said, she'd have told you at the time, surely? At the very least you'd have noticed them.

AllotmentHappy · 28/07/2025 15:04

Why would she wait weeks to ask about them? & why would she leave them there and not tell you? Shes clearly lost them & shifting the blame onto you.

LittleBitofBread · 28/07/2025 15:01

Missedthis · 28/07/2025 09:10

We’d love to see the diagram though!

Came on to say this!
She's clearly lost them somewhere else and is shifting the guilt onto you.

Delphiniumandlupins · 28/07/2025 14:58

Can she come back to your house and look for them? Would you mind if she did? (I think I would find it intrusive.) It seems odd to leave them in your house rather than in her car, glove box or similar.

Lurkingonmn · 28/07/2025 14:46

Is she on a device that could facetime or video call of some sort? Obviously, you haven't lost them and it's not your responsibility but it might help to show her. If she's nearby she could pop in and look for herself.

MassiveBackstory · 28/07/2025 14:40

NHSFifeStatementFinalFINALFinalVersionV9FINAL · 28/07/2025 10:14

Take detailed photos of your hall table, send them to her and ask her to circle the keys if they are in the photo.

I love this.

Mh67 · 28/07/2025 14:38

Kids love keys maybe the child has moved them

DonnaSueWeloveyou · 28/07/2025 13:17

NHSFifeStatementFinalFINALFinalVersionV9FINAL · 28/07/2025 10:14

Take detailed photos of your hall table, send them to her and ask her to circle the keys if they are in the photo.

😆