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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed that I’m being blamed for this?!

86 replies

AngelaSnerkel · 28/07/2025 09:03

We (DH, toddler and I) went to a wedding with my mother last month. She drove to us, briefly came in for a cup of tea, and then we all went in our car.

Weeks later, she’s asked us to look for a set of keys she allegedly left on our hallway table. It’s keys to my grandparents’ house and she said she took them from her car and put them there for safekeeping.

The keys aren’t there and DH and I haven’t seen them. DM is now “very disappointed” in me for losing her keys and is going to draw me a diagram of the keys and where she left them so I can find them, and keeps messaging me to ask that I “look again properly.”

AIBU to think this is insanity?

OP posts:
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supersop60 · 31/07/2025 13:09

Did she find the keys?

LivelyJadeLeader · 29/07/2025 16:33

My mum did similar to me years ago, she lost a suitcase and convinced herself that she had lent it to me and that I must of lent it to my friend if I had lost it!!
I didn’t speak to her for weeks over it because I went mental at her about it because I knew I didn’t have it and guess what, it turned up in her house!!! Did I get an apology? No!

Stripeysockspots · 29/07/2025 08:34

Blame the local magpie

TheBewleySisters · 29/07/2025 08:32

Tell her to ask St Anthony, finder of list things.

CloverPyramid · 29/07/2025 07:25

upandleftthenright · 28/07/2025 12:47

Would you really say that though? Honestly? People are always advising direct confrontation on MN but in my experience that path always makes the situation worse and everyone falls out.

Show quote history

Would you really not say that? Sounds pretty spineless to me! I’m glad my relationships aren’t so fragile (or my confident so poor) that I have to pussyfoot around and not react when someone directly accuses me of something that was their fault.

OP wouldn’t be making this a direct confrontation, her mother already did that.

Purplecatshopaholic · 29/07/2025 07:14

NHSFifeStatementFinalFINALFinalVersionV9FINAL · 28/07/2025 10:14

Take detailed photos of your hall table, send them to her and ask her to circle the keys if they are in the photo.

Oh please do this!

PerfectTuesday · 29/07/2025 07:09

Why did she take your grandparents' keys with her to a wedding? Assuming she wasn't planning to pop in there on the way or she'd have realised on the same day the keys were missing. If they normally 'live' in her car she needs to search it thoroughly.

My tip on finding lost things is to look again in the first place you looked, but forensically. Not by any means foolproof but works more often than any other finding things method.

Ooodelally · 29/07/2025 07:00

upandleftthenright · 28/07/2025 12:47

Would you really say that though? Honestly? People are always advising direct confrontation on MN but in my experience that path always makes the situation worse and everyone falls out.

Show quote history

Yes, yes I would because she’s being completely unreasonable and keeping it going too - how long is the OP supposed to hear about what a disappointment she is for something she didn’t even do?!

Tweedledumtweedle · 28/07/2025 19:08

Send her a diagram of where you’ve looked

Terfedout · 28/07/2025 18:46

NHSFifeStatementFinalFINALFinalVersionV9FINAL · 28/07/2025 10:14

Take detailed photos of your hall table, send them to her and ask her to circle the keys if they are in the photo.

😂

FrivolousKitchenRollUse · 28/07/2025 17:52

NHSFifeStatementFinalFINALFinalVersionV9FINAL · 28/07/2025 10:14

Take detailed photos of your hall table, send them to her and ask her to circle the keys if they are in the photo.

Love it - an answer as good as your username! 😂

BogRollBOGOF · 28/07/2025 17:18

NHSFifeStatementFinalFINALFinalVersionV9FINAL · 28/07/2025 10:14

Take detailed photos of your hall table, send them to her and ask her to circle the keys if they are in the photo.

Note to self: whatsapp a photo of the contents of the shoe cupboard to my teenager the next time he's brewing to "not find" the shoes neatly stored on the shoe rack.
We currently have a temporary ceasefire after he was firmly told to stop being "performatively inept" yesterday morning...

If only there was a BAFTA category for "not finding the fucking obvious" Grin

Terrribletwos · 28/07/2025 17:17

AngelaSnerkel · 28/07/2025 16:30

These replies have made me laugh, thank you!

She hasn’t sent her diagram yet.

I hope she’s not losing her marbles, she’s only early 60s!

Oh well, not a serious post then?

Selfsetfree · 28/07/2025 17:15

She knows she has lost them but she seems to need to blame someone else. I would be sending her diagram straight back.

pikkumyy77 · 28/07/2025 17:11

NHSFifeStatementFinalFINALFinalVersionV9FINAL · 28/07/2025 10:14

Take detailed photos of your hall table, send them to her and ask her to circle the keys if they are in the photo.

This is exactly what I came to post.

YouBelongWithMe · 28/07/2025 17:10

A regular visitor to our household did this.

Asked me to check for her distinctive purse, was adamant it had been left. Was so disappointed I had been unable to find it and had had to cancel all the cards, there was cash in it, etc. I whatsapped several times and confirmed we'd hunted high and low, no purse found. A telling silence was the response.

Visitor came again, eight weeks later. Had found the purse in her own house...

labamba18 · 28/07/2025 16:40

Is she normally like this Op?

Rosscameasdoody · 28/07/2025 16:38

AngelaSnerkel · 28/07/2025 11:10

I mean, theoretically, yes, but it’s unlikely.

DC can’t reach on the table, so it’s only possible if the keys were knocked off the table onto the floor and she’s taken and hidden them without us noticing.

The table isn’t always the tidiest (it hosts post, sun cream, our keys and general life detritus) but I’ve checked it and underneath.

Show quote history

You need to tell her that if she was going to leave the keys there she should have told you so you could put them somewhere safer. It’s batshit for her to blame you - her keys, her responsibility. End of. Tell her she’s welcome to come and look for them but if they can’t be found it’s her own fault.

Original poster
AngelaSnerkel · 28/07/2025 16:30

These replies have made me laugh, thank you!

She hasn’t sent her diagram yet.

I hope she’s not losing her marbles, she’s only early 60s!

OP posts:
BippidyBoppety · 28/07/2025 16:22

I think I got to the fourth or fifth post and thought, (like others) they are in her glovebox. If you all went in your car it would be madness to leave them on your hall table.

Tell her you'll have a pray to St Anthony (Patron Saint of lost things) for the keys and to St Jude (hopeless causes) for her sanity. Might stun her into silence.

HashtagSadTimes · 28/07/2025 16:17

Do you have form for looking for stuff basically with your eyes shut?

As someone who is “better at finding things” than everyone else I live with, I’d have a lot of sympathy for your mother if looking for things basically involves shaking your head and going “I’ve looked everywhere”

TilerSwift · 28/07/2025 16:16

upandleftthenright · 28/07/2025 12:47

Would you really say that though? Honestly? People are always advising direct confrontation on MN but in my experience that path always makes the situation worse and everyone falls out.

Show quote history

But to give in to bad behaviour is to enable it to continue… You see it in family dynamics all the time, the ‘difficult’ one is never pulled up on their behaviour and eventually it’s like an out of control train, steamrolling everyone…

Spindrifts · 28/07/2025 16:15

Her keys, her problem. You are not five.

SarBe · 28/07/2025 16:13

You should reply with - Lesson learned, don't leave shit lying around someone elses house! 😆

Bournetilly · 28/07/2025 16:07

She’s being ridiculous. She should be disappointed in herself.

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