DH overreacting over

You're painting your husband as a controlling man, which I don't doubt you know will get you a degree of support on here.

However, maybe if you had been the one to tell your husband what had happened, the two of you could have talked it through like adults and agreed as a team how to proceed. Instead, he hears it first from his child that her grandad hit her. I don't blame him for the way he responded. As to making a molehill out of a grain of sand, you are making a grain of sand out of a mountain. Your father hit your child. It doesn't matter why. It doesn't matter that he claims to be remorseful. He hit your child. The first your husband should have heard about it should have been you calling him to tell him you were on your way back home.

Honestly, my husband is the calmest, most chilled and least controlling person I’ve ever met and I can say for sure that if this story had been relayed to him by or about our daughter, he would have been on the first flight to wherever we were and taken her home himself if I hadn’t already left. And this is a man who has never told me what to do, in the whole time we have been together.

You are hugely minimising and I feel so sorry for your children. Nobody puts their hands on my children, ever.

Two seperate issues going on here.

1. the hit. You are in charge and your husband is disrespectful to not leave this to you. ‘So my plan is to stay the planned time, but make sure I am always with the children too when he is. Sophia wants to stay too.’ End of discussion.

1. issue 2 is you not getting a break. Why does your husband not do 50/50 parenting and housework when he’s not at work? That would be an equal, normal relationship.

now that he’s booked the flights, you’ve surely lost money either way? There’s now 2 flights home booked for you all, you can only be on one. I would take your original one.

I’d stay but no longer see the grandparents for the rest of the holiday and then assess when you’re at home. You’ve already made your mind up though by loading your post with all the upfront information to slant the view towards your own in an effort to distract from the situation your children have been put in.

if anyone threatened violence or carried that threat out in my daughter they would not be seeing her again.

I don't think he is over reacting..as others have said how would you feel if DH had taken the kids to his parents and your 5 year old called you and said FIL had clipped them round the back of the head. You would be fuming.

The update of him being early 60s makes it worse. I was expecting someone much older with little tolerance of children. This isn't that old and if he is this snappy already then I wouldn't be wanting to leave the children with him or planning such long breaks to visit in the future. Clearly he is not used to children being around for any length of time and I am guessing finds the noise too much (even if they weren't being that noisy, to him it would be more noticeable as he isn't used to it).

You seem to have a problem at home. I am guessing DH is the one to provide you with things and the main earner and your part of the deal was to provide childcare and looking after the house. As others have said, what are you doing when they are at school? You work part time so assume you have some time to yourself then.
What time does DH have? If you drop in that he works all week then goes to hobbies at the weekend, then this is what needs addressing. You need to be more vocal to him about sharing responsibilities at home, although I am wondering if this will be one of those scenarios where it's another man not fussed about having kids but persuaded into it by the wife who says it won't change things.

Ah but he's never hit his other grandkids, just her child.. alls good! 🤨

How so?

But there’s also a risk that DD learns that if she tells her parents about bad things that happen to her then she and her sister get punished and holidays are cancelled. So if something else or worse happens in future, she might be inclined to keep it a secret.

The most important thing to do here is ask DD what she wants. She’s the victim here and you should make sure she feels heard, supported and not punished. And that she can change her mind and go home at any point if she asks to.

I agree if you want to stay stay.

because actually it is yiur husband who comes across worse in this than your Dad in terms of behaviour

@Whaleandsnail6 the grandfather is remorseful. I would have watched carefully how she was with grandad to see if there was any sign of fear or she was shocked rather than hurt. No reason why she cant leave the children with their grandmother.

I never understood why people expect me to pussyfoot around someone sleeping on the sofa in a communal room. If that person is tired, they should have gone to bed for a quick nap. End of.

Only you know your dad. DF smacked DD1 once when she was 3, in context he did maybe once or twice hit me in my entire childhood, and he had a lovely relationship with DDs. DH certainly didn't react badly about it. Do what you want and think is best not what DH says and have it out with him later.

Difficult as it is your DH is right. He is acting on every instinct in his body and won’t be able to hear anything that you have to say. I am not a parent myself but from observation when it comes to safeguarding children many parents have this visceral response to protect their children. No amount of time or money lost to the holiday will matter to him. And probably quite rightly so.

Also , in the husband's defence, he didn't hear about the smack from op. He heard about it from his child. I understand his sudden reaction to the situation in wanting his kids home

In his eyes, is he thinking op was not going to tell him?

I wouldn't be happy if I was the other parent in this situation...my child has been hit by my inlaws, in another country so I am not there and my husband didn't even tell me?

What a ridiculous overreaction. People make mistakes. It isn't right to flick a child over the head but it's not worth cutting all family ties over, teaching the children in the process that speaking out leads to them missing out.
The level of self righteousness on this thread is on a different level. The OP has her own accomodation there and grandad works and therefore does not need to look after the children again. The kids are not that young anymore and clearly able to speak up. It makes no sense to lose out on the rest of the holiday over this. The husband is a controlling twat. If he was so worried about his child it's a flight for him to join them that he should have booked. If he can't afford that due to work he needs to trust the children's mother to protect them adequately.

And yes of course her DH should have discussed it with OP first.

@Bansheed massive difference between a 5 and 15 year old. Plus an accident in a dangerous situation vs a primary age school child dropping something.

It's really easy for a adult man to injure a child, when hitting them on the head. I worked on elderly care and came across a few people permanently injured by 'a clip around the ear'. The OP is minimising this and that's concerning. The fact that the parents are early 60's actually makes it worse. There'll always be people who won't see this as an assault. It's an important lesson to teach a girl, physical assaults are never ok, it doesn't matter who the perpetrator is and how much they say they love you.
Would it be ok for the DH to turn up and smack the Grandfather around the head?

Everyone saying if they were dh they'd do the same is alarming, and I don't think true because they then follow up with; I'd tell dh he needs to etc. The difference is huge. He's decided what op's doing and that's that.

A hit can be described in 5 million ways, a swipe, a slap, a smack, all will be interpreted differently to the person who's present. If DH told me FIL had hit one of the kids (I'd be shocked) I'd be furious, but I think I'd go by DH's assessment of the situation, I trust him.

I think this highlights trouble in your marriage because either he doesn't trust you, or doesn't think your opinion is important.

Of course they are at risk, they don't need to be staying with them for this! I can't believe the amount of people here minimising a child being slapped for dropping a remote! This man can't be trusted

"listened to my dad’s version of the story and to me it sounds as a flick, as something you do without malice."

Wtaf?! Talk about minimising!!
A flick without malice? What are you on? It's physical violence towards a child!!

They are not "at risk", they are not staying with the grandparents.

And I would imagine any decision has to be made with at least a discussion beforehand. What the husband did is pure 19 century.

I think this is what it boils down to. OPs husband reacting that way rather than discussing it with OP and agree on a plan together he has made himself look like an unreasonable, controlling twat so it has now basically become a situation where two unreasonable men are trying to assert some kind of dominance and OP is stuck in the middle. OPs dad did and awful thing which would be hard to forgive, but OPs H was an idiot for just deciding above OPs head when she was flying back. It cannot be solely his decision.

He doesn't want his child to be placed at risk. Sounds like a normal parent to me.

as you have said you dont stay with your parents for the holiday and only visit them, I think your husband is way out of order for cancelling 2 weeks (!) of holiday. Also, for getting you tickets without asking you. Tell him to fuck off and that you are fully capable of protecting your kids - and that you will not be leaving them with you parents again.

Your dad is a wanker. Seeing grandchildren once a year and acting like this?

Both men in your life sound very unpleasant.