DH overreacting over

I would possibly stay for my mum but it would be the last time I left them alone with grandparents. I would say to dh I agree it’s wrong I won’t leave them unattended but we are finishing our break. Booking flights without a discussion seems a bit controlling but I also understand his child was hit by an adult who was looking after her. I wonder if your dad would have done it if your husband had been on the visit too?

I know what you mean by the flick to the head having been on the receiving end of them as a child. We referred to it as a ‘crack round the head’ it is a reflex move but what you have to remember is a grown adult man did this to a young child he loves because she accidentally dropped something. It is appalling and I would find it hard to forgive . Imagine if your husband did that to you for accidentally dropping something? It would be considered physical abuse.

im guessing like me you grew up in a household where getting smacked was normal. Even if you make a conscious choice not to do that to your own children there can still be an underlying feeling of it being normal when it really isn’t. The concept of grown adults hitting children is abhorrent adults should be able to control their emotions and manage themselves better than children can.

Team Dad here.

To be fair, he might have indeed said something like that, and the op might have responded with the minimization and desire to continue with the holiday that is evident in her posts.

He didn't even hear about it from the op first, but rather from his child. I think that potentially says a lot...

Where on earth have you got any of that from?!? You’ve just made it all up!!! No evidence whatsoever that he gets a fat salary, or that they have a good life. In fact, the contrary, the op has detailed that she never gets a break.

So if op decides it's OK for her parents to assault her child.... that's OK as thems the rules?

I can imagine the sort of flick/slap etc. Not great but not worth letting your DH ruin it to be the big I Am.

I guess id base my decision on DD, how is she around Grandad now?

If shes ok I wouldn't be agreeing to go home and spoil the holiday for everyone, so that wouldn't be happening, otherwise all that's happening is your girls are seeing 2 men posturing and that men always do what they want and get their own way even if it upsets others.

Nonsense. I'm sure the OP isn't refusing her husband's fat salary, which enables them to have a good life.

Lol, you’ve missed out rather a lot of detail in that leap. He doesn’t just ‘want the kids to go home’ - he booked a flight for them! The op could have done that if that was her decision. You have also conveniently missed that the father does no parenting, and no housework at all ever.

a loving involved father might well have said ‘I’m really not happy at all about our children spending more time with him, do you think it worth changing your flights to sooner’ but he didn’t do that.

Absolutely agree with this op
Do not get on that plane.
It shouldn't have happened it's dealt with your husband has no place interfering when he's not there.

But if you decide to delegate all the childcare to your wife, you also delegate the decision making power in matters regarding childcare to her.

Your father hit a small girl over the head and you don't see what's wrong with that?

Your husband is absolutely right.

Grand parents like this, who lose it because a child accidentally drops a remote control, should not be trusted to look after kids.

You are teaching your girl by doing nothing that it is OK for a grown man to hurt her.

Your father massively over reacted and massively over stepped, this isn't the 90s and prior when kids get physically reprimanded, and to a child who has never be hit it woukd rightly so be a big deal.

Your husband being far away, unless he's controlling and has form for over reacting, is what may have caused this knee jerk reaction. He's not there to see what happened or prevent further incidences, so he wants his kids back nearby. One possibility.

Your dad however needs to feel some consequence tbh, what a thing to do anytime let alone over a dropped remote.

Is it normal to check out of family life and then attempt to lay down the law from home when your wife and children are abroad?

All these people asking why the DH is not there parenting his child. He's working. He may not have the luxury of taking that much time off. OP has already said he works long hours. Yes, OP has a PT job, but clearly the DH pays the bulk of family costs.

I have the luxury of being a SAHM (I'm a trailing spouse). I'm currently in DH home country for the summer (we have our own house). So obviously the bulk of the parenting of our child is down to me. DH comes down for the odd week.

If the tables were turned, and I'd found out from my child that FIL had hit him, I'd be livid. Heads are delicate, btw; a mere 'clip' might have caused damage.

A slap to the head on a small child by a grown man would have been bad enough if she had thrown the remote across the room.
She dropped it by accident and he hit her head?! 🤨 It's the very least of things to get angry about.
What sort of Dad was he OP? Wondering if this has somehow been normalised for you.

Your husband is acting like an asshole. You are the parent in charge. Have your holiday. Generational differences exist. There will be things you do that your children will find unforgivable

Hear hear. People are just siding with the OP because she is female. Can you imagine the UPROAR if a woman posted saying that her husband and kids were staying with the grandparents, and grandad or even grandmother had hit one. Then her husband just minimised it. The cries of 'LTB' and 'go scorched earth' would be deafening! This place is an absolute joke at times.

My stepdad did the same to my son when he had his hood up. I dont have anything to do with him now...

The OP doesn't know any more than we do how hard a hit it was as she wasn't there either. The only thing that is certain is that her dad hit her child. Arguing over how hard the blow actually was is absurd.

OP, your husband is correct. That's all I have to say as anything else I say would probably be considered too strident. Your daughter is lucky to have him as a father. My father would have been exactly the same and he was an amazing dad. Perhaps look into your relationship with your parents. Your husband 'doesn't care about them' for a reason.

Am starting to think ( and hope!) This is a mn parody....
Woman works pt, but kids are at school.. still has no time to self....
Child's gp op dad assaults child. Dad is upset and wants kids home, op and mn response...'how dare he! He is abusive and controlling!! This is your holiday!! It was only a slap to her head, if you go home she'll know it's her fault for telling her dad she was hit"....
What the actual fuck!! The 'reasoning' is insane!!

You are on holiday at the moment-your words.

You say that on returning, this has happened.

Peculiar. You can’t be in two places at once.

On this thread, there are many people who have decided this was a massive violent attack. Yet the op, the only person who knows anything, has detailed it was more of a dismissive flick. Yes, the dd was crying, but we don’t know whether she is prone to crying often and/or more shock that her grandad did that. The op does know that.

Your poor DC. I don’t think your DH has overreacted at all. If my FIL did this there’s no way either of us would allow our children to stay around them. Violence towards a child is never acceptable.

Rubbish. OP is a neglectful parent and her husband is 100% in the right.