This. This is the elephant in the room, or maybe in the ocean(s) between them.
The DH's 5 year old daughter got a nasty hit on the head by an adult & in law who was missing his dd in a different country while his DW was off socialising.......
Then his wife, doesn't tell him, and he has to hear of this upsetting incident from the 5 yo dd (or the other child) & then the 5yo dd, who is still upset at the incident. (& was visibly upset about it in front of the DW)
Then the wife tries to minimise what actually happened to their 5 yo dd in a foreign country under someone else's care (her DF, his FIL), she goes fully along with the FIL's minimisation of the incident, and gives out about the DH's reaction to protect his children.
The mother here is clearly more concerned about her holiday, her time to decompress and that apparently she 'doesn't ever get a much of a break' at home, than her poor, traumatised little 5 yo DD's welfare. Sorry this is unacceptable imho.
The OP is coming across as a self absorbed, self pitying, neglectful, passive parent who is discounting her 5 yo dd's feelings (& her DHs) after her 5 yo dd has been hit on the head in a foreign country while being 'looked after' by her DF for dropping a blooming remote control!?
Cop on people, smell the coffee.
Imho, the likely reason the DH acted unilaterally is the mother, OP & his DW didn't tell him firstly, violating his trust, then probably tried to minimise the incident (just like she has tried to do repeatedly on here since), all so her holiday won't be ruined (cos she 'has plans '), and she is so concerned that she never gets a break at home (from her 2 school going children)..
Jebus, give me a break, the OP is a self absorbed apologist for her poor parenting , her dad's violent reaction to her 5 yo DD and the (non consulted & non-confided in) DH, while maybe potentially being seen to be a bit controlling on the face of things, is actually just trying desperately to look out for his 5 yo DD's welfare , who has been already hurt, and his other child. Can people honestly not see this!?
Why? Cos one of the poor children's parents actually needs to look out for them!!
P.s. and even at this, the other parent, I.e. the passive, apologist, absent parent who left the children with a childminder who was violent, whose dad actually hit their 5 yo child, is accusing the DH on here of over reacting ,& only doing this to affect the kids relationship with their mother's parents..... you know the violent one & the asleep at the wheel ones!!?!
What do people not understand here???
The OP is a complicit, minimising, apologist here for a totally unacceptable incident, which she probably tried to cover up from the DH & children's father and now is upset by his rational reaction in the circumstances. My sympathy is with the 5 yo DD, the other child and the DH who has to try to care for his children from 1000s of miles away where the mother won't & her DF has already hit one of the children already.... Gawd damn!!