To think that approaching people whilst wearing this is unacceptable?

It’s the kind of dumbing down of society I was discussing recently. The reason it worked so well in the punk era was it was a group of rebellious outliers pushing back against rigid authoritarianism. Now everyone doesn’t give a fuck, thinks nothing of wearing profanities on their shirts and treats their environment similarly. It’s tedious.

People are really angry at the moment. There’s an awful lot to be angry about. But the teenager possibly forgot she was wearing it. How lovely was she though, talking to your daughter about all the cats? She sounds really kind. In fact, I’d be inclined to see if she does babysitting!

A lot of teens express themselves at that age in what they wear. Punks did so definitely not a new thing. As one other posted suggested a conversation with the child about what someone wears/looks like isn’t always their personality is the best approach. No one can dictate what someone else wears no matter how appropriate or offended they are by it.

I would be way more uncomfortable about the vaping than the tshirt, I hate being approached or surrounded by people smoking because it could encourage my children it’s a cool thing to do as well as be detrimental to our health. What if my child was severely asthmatic? Clearly the young woman wasn’t thinking about that and meant to be kind but I’m pretty amazed that’s not your main take away from this OP. The girl was nice to your daughter, she wasn’t aggressive or use any naughty words, it’s also a good learning opportunity and a chance to speak to your child about the dangers of vaping and the difficulty in being a teenager in a world where you are just trying to fit in. The word, meh, it’s not the hill to die on. You could just say people have different rules for using such language (another good learning opportunity for her as she will 100% encounter it, and worse, again).

YANBU @Powersout and you know you know you’re not being U.

All the cool mums are out today pretending they wouldn’t give a damn.

I don’t know why people post on AIBU anymore because you know most people will play mental gymnastics to disagree agree with you. Either that or society’s standards are slipping and if these are people’s real opinions and then you wouldn’t associate with them in real life as their values don’t represent yours.

Just because the majority keyboard warriors post YABU. You’re not.

I found this article about swear words really interesting - my kids and I had a great time discussing it :-)
https://www.keele.ac.uk/about/news/2022/october/keele-comment/swearing-mind-body.php

She's probably picking up on your discomfort and confusion (why she keeps asking about it). Adults usually (and for good reason) find it difficult to explain to children why swear words are 'bad'.

I actually think this young person provided a wonderful modeling opportunity for your child e.g. don't judge a book by its cover (judging covers is another conversation!), and people who use swear words can also be really lovely people. :-)

It so isn't. In so many places it is simply another everyday word now, like it or not. There are much more important things in life than policing other people.

How about a teen with a lovely personality and no sweary t shirt? Which is what most of the teens I know are.

She probably forgot she was wearing it. But also you seem to be expecting adult levels in sense in a teenager.

Plus it’s up to you to shut your DD up if she keeps going on, instead of labelling her (“dweller”, FFS).

Do you get many men sniggering at you?

I’m generally pretty unbothered by swearing but I do try and keep the worst words away from my almost 4 year old as much as possible. The other day I was out with him and saw a grown adult wearing a t-shirt with a big cartoon dinosaur that said ‘Don’t be a c*tasaurus.’ (No s on the t-shirt.) I felt that was a bit much.

Luckily he didn’t notice but could easily have asked about it because he loves dinosaurs. He’s young enough I’d have just lied about what the T-shirt said but he’s not far off being about to at least recognise the lie as he gets better at his phonics sounds.

It’s not that I don’t find it funny, but just that it might be better suited to having on a mug in your own home!

It’s a word I hear used all the time - often to add humour or emphasis. I rarely hear it used is anger

I wouldn’t get the vapours, but if my DS17 spoke like that in front of his grandparents or strangers he would find his phone contract terminated pretty quickly.

What the hell is going on with parenting?Let teens think it’s normal to swear in front of strangers - and then wonder why they don’t get employed? We clamped down hard on it with DS17 a couple of years ago because he simply couldn’t train himself not to do it when he shouldn’t. My aunt told me she had to do the same with my cousin years ago because it was slipping into far too many sentences and it was only a matter of time before he swore when it was very inappropriate.

😆😆😆

I’d rather a teen with a sweary t-shirt and lovely personality than the other way round. We limited our kids to swear words but they heard them from others at primary school. As long as your child knows these are not words to use at home then it’s going to happen no matter what measures you put in place.

But it's OK to say you don't know. Tell your dd you don't llike it and you wouldn't wear it but there is no answer to why the girl was wearing it.

I remember being with my boyfriend in the 80s and he was wearing a The Damned say Fuck off t shirt. We were having a picnic at a Fete. A policeman came over and told him to remove it, so he had to wear it inside out for the rest of the day.

I don't think people should be wearing clothes with swear words on outside the house...but she's a teenager, she probably thought it was hilarious and edgy. My own DD wanted to buy similar because she thought it was funny but I vetoed it!

Just say to the person

its really confusing as you’re very friendly but your t shirt is telling a different story and will now start many questions from my daughter who can read - so we best part ways

I didn't raise it with the girl - mainly because her conversation was so friendly but it was a weird juxtaposition which made me and my DD uncomfortable

Why and how do you think it would have been reasonable to raise it? You don't get to dictate what other people wear - you being uncomfortable is irrelevant.

What a minor thing to care about. It's a word.

I don't like it either, OP. I also don't like the prevailing attitude that using swear words in all contexts is perfectly fine, and those who don't are having the 'vapours' and must be mocked. I swear all the time, but not in front of children or in places where I might cause offence. It's not because I am a pearl-clutching swooner, it's because I am aware of the potential offence caused to others, and, clearly being desperately old fashioned, I think it's important to consider how other people feel.

Whatever we might prefer, the world doesn't revolve around our children. We just need to mitigate and help.the world make sense to them.

I'd have giggled along with my child and pretended we had seen something so cheeky together. Then come up with reasons like PP suggested- maybe she just liked pink and cats, not everyone can read, maybe she even knows or made the top herself!

The important point is that your child is noticing something edgy and will guage your reaction and I want to lay the groundwork that they can talk to me because we don't love in a sanitised world and this is a good opportunity to lay the foundations for your reaction if e.g. as teens they see someone doing something they aren't sure about. They won't talk to us if we tut and say they should know better.

Look on it as a useful lesson in life to teach her.

Tell your daughter that some teenagers (and adults) like to shock people as a form of attention seeking.