To not want to look after my daughter any more

@BabyCatFaceand where do you think the parents will find the money for that? When one parent has already had to give up work?

So the non-violent children lose the right to grow up in a two parent household?

Their rights to a childhood in a nuclear family are secondary to the right of a violent abuser to break up that family?

And where is the money coming from to fund this absurd suggestion?

@EviesHat since you clearly can't be bothered to read my posts I'm not going to waste my time responding in any detail.
The support provided is to support the whole family, which includes the siblings.

Everyone is talking as though OPs family have been supported and it's failed - that isn't the case, the OP is at the start of this - from what she's said hasn't accessed any services as yet. There is support out there, it may not be perfect but there is support and plenty of posters on here who have been able to offer some hope as they have been in similar positions and got support and are in a much better place now.

@x2boyssee above.

@x2boyshave you ever woken up being strangled by your child? Has one of your children broken another of your children’s bones? Destroyed their possessions? Are you given ultimatums by your child multiple times a day such as ‘I kill you or destroy everything you love, choose.’ ‘I kill myself or I kill my brother, choose.’ ‘I burn the house down or I punch you in the face, choose.’
Has your 8 year old ever been locked in the back of a riot van for hours because they’ve destroyed a police car and injured 4 burly police officers who couldn’t safely restrain him?
Have you left the house more than 4 times in the last 8 weeks?
Is one of your children self harming because of the stress and fear of living in a war zone?
Sit down, this conversation is not for you. You have no idea the utter despair and desperation of loving your abuser more than anything in the world and living with the genuine fear they will kill you and your other children.

You’re suggesting that violent children have the right to break up relationships and families.

What if the siblings are also disabled?

Which disability gets top trumps - the non-violent or the violent?

You are talking about a disabled eight year old child .

So the non-violent children lose the right to grow up in a two parent household?

Their rights to a childhood in a nuclear family are secondary to the right of a violent abuser to break up that family?

There are two parents. In a situation where one sibling poses a risk to other siblings the solution should be the parents live separately and care for the children separately not that one child is removed and cared for out of the family.

what a stupid post, my kids are all grown and none of them had these problems

Why don't you put your own child in care ?

Can you put her in care?

There are two parents. In a situation where one sibling poses a risk to other siblings the solution should be the parents live separately and care for the children separately not that one child is removed and cared for out of the family.

How does any of that benefit the siblings of a violent child?

Everything you have said focuses on the well-being of the aggressive member of the family, you have mentioned nothing about giving care for those that have to suffer the abuse. Do they not matter?

Not every violent child is like that because of the (in)actions of the parents. Sometimes there are medical issues - and I’m including mental health here - that are independent of anything the parents may or may not do or have done in the past.

Whilst permanently removing a violent child from the family is rightly the course of last resort, by the time parents are begging for some respite the relationship is clearly at breaking point anyway, and so are the parents.

Social workers intervene where children are at risk. Well, children with a violent sibling are at risk, yet your list of interventions doesn’t seem to include anything that keeps them safe. Expecting non-violent siblings to be removed from the family home to stay with relatives just so they escape the violence is unacceptable - essentially you’re punishing the victims.

So if the non-violent siblings remain in the home with a violent child, what then?

Has anyone ever done any studies into the effects this could have on them, both as children and later, during their adult lives?

Does forcing children to live in a home where violence occurs regularly normalise this for them? Are they at greater risk of ending up in abusive relationships because their formative years were spent in an environment where they either witnessed or received violence and no-one stepped in to give them a break from the assaults?

Yes, stage agencies should help violent children to moderate their behaviour and learn how to fit into family and society, but unless those agencies also give the parents and siblings of those children a break from the violence when they need it, then yes, the state is massively failing them.

I need to be clear here because you have chosen to misinterpret my earlier post. I am criticising the STATE AGENCIES, not the agents of the state. A system which requires private providers to step in is regressive and accessible only where those providers operate and when families have the financial resources to access them. Safety should never be the preserve of only the wealthy or those lucky enough to live in certain locations.

When parents are crying out for some help, for respite care for their child, it is wrong for the state to say it will not help. Respite care is available for the parents of disabled children because the state recognises that 24/7 care is exhausting and can be detrimental to the carer’s health if there is no break. Why does the state not as readily provide the same for parents of violent children? If removing children from the care of their parents for even a short while, say a few weeks, is so detrimental to the parent-child relationship, why are disabled children given respite placements? By your logic respite care shouldn’t be available at all.

As for “…and others who consistently interpret posts about social services to suit their own agenda…”, perhaps you need to look at what you’ve written. “Social services specifically work with children who are at risk, typically (but not always) by the actions or inactions of the parents.” “…it can mean funding for activities for relatives…” Clearly ‘at risk’ doesn’t actually include those who are at risk of violence from their siblings. How does a day trip to the seaside with a group of strangers benefit the siblings of a violent child? What message does it send to them that they cannot have a normal day out with their parents - a day which is free from the threat of violence - because the parent is being ‘supported’ to remain with the violent child? What lovely memories those siblings must have. Photographs of trips organised by SS and others, yet Mum is not in the photos because she wasn’t there. She was at home looking after their attacker and they were expected to be grateful that they were denied the opportunity to have a normal parent-child relationship. They look back and realise their childhood was stolen. All because the state decided the rights of the aggressor outweighed the rights of the victim.

Can you put her in care?

@EviesHat and others who consistently interpret posts about social services to suit their own agenda -

Social services aren't leaving families like the OPs to fall apart because residential care is expensive. Whilst residential care IS expensive, that's not the reason that SS don't take children into care on request - it's because doing so would break up families and have life long consequences.
Social services specifically work with children who are at risk, typically (but not always) by the actions or inactions of the parents. That's not the case here.
Social services are one small part of social care, or children's services. There are plenty of services within social care that could/would support a family like the OP.
In our area for example, a family in this situation would be supported by early help. That could mean their regular family support service or the intensive service, which can be daily support for families where there is a risk of family breakdown. It can mean tailored parenting support, emotional support, it can mean parenting courses specifically for parents of ND children, it can mean funding for activities for relatives, it can mean family safety planning, it can mean linking in with services like CAMHS and in education.

All of that support is available and is valuable. It just isn't provided by or run by social workers. In some situations where things are very complex it may be that the plan is overseen by a social worker, but it doesn't necessarily have to be (in our area they've up skilled more non SW staff to do it because parents are more likely to take up the offer if it's not seen as 'social services')

Residential schools and being in care are rightly only used as a last resort because for the vast majority of families, children being at home (but with support) is the best option for everyone. The families who benefit from residential services tend to be for those children with the most serious and complex needs, often with multiple conditions.

Some of the posts on here seem to hark back to the 50s where if anyone was a nuisance they'd be shunted off to an institution. We moved away from that era for a very good reason.

My daughter is 8. She is recently diagnosed with autism. No problems at school but a nightmare at home.

Predictably, being out of the school routine has made her challenging behaviour more challenging. She regularly tells me she hates me, wishes I was dead, that things would be better without me. Everytime
I say something she mocks me. She won’t do anything she is told and consequences are meaningless as she just doesn’t care. Today she has also thrown food round the living room and when I tried to stop this she has violently attacked me multiple times. Previously she has broken my finger and scratched me to the extent that I was hospitalised due to a serious infection in my arm.

I just honestly can’t do it any more. This has been going on for more than two years now. It’s completely ruining me, my relationship with my husband and our family life (we have other children). The violence triggers me so badly due to childhood abuse and I don’t feel safe in my own home.

Do social services take children away in these circumstances?