To not want to look after my daughter any more

You clearly know fuck all about neurodivergent conditions

Ik there’s plenty of advice on this thread but I’d start with getting rl support such as this or other.

@Whatafustercluck

Spot on

I think your point is important - what is the effect on siblings, especially if they or others in the house are being physically harmed. But I also wonder what would be your solution? Removing the violent child also has a massive impact - on that child and on the family as a whole.

@ClosetBasketCase

Have you tried wrapping a flailing 8 year old in a blanket, getting them in a car and driving safely?
I couldn't even pick my son up when he was 8, never mind carrying him, even when calm.

Harsher consequences are ineffective with many ND children, a fact alluded to by the op. They don't work because this is a behaviour modification method used to correct bad behaviour, as opposed to dealing with a stressor that causes a physiological fight or flight response in a child. Too often, parents of ND children are told that their child's behaviour is a product of their bad parenting, such as not applying typical behaviour management systems such as rewards and consequences. In many cases, all these avenues have been exhausted by the parents - indeed the application of harsher consequences exacerbates the problem further.

Further up thread you suggest carrying an 8yo child 'burrito style' to A&E if they won't go willingly. I tried to do this to my 6yo dd to get her to school. It resulted in a car seat broken in half when the seatbelt restraint I'd employed failed spectacularly, followed by the car door flung open as the car started moving, her making a run for it and hiding from me. When I finally retrieved her, she dug her fingernails into my eye socket so hard that she drew blood and left scratches.

I can talk at length about the things that did help her, the things that did eventually work for us. It absolutely was not applying harder consequences and retaliation. My insistence on trying to manage her extreme behaviour in the way recommended by the 'parenting experts' was at least partially to blame.

As soon as I started listening to people who were actually skilled and qualified in understanding children like my daughter, and who recommended strategies that would help regulate her and de-escalate volatile situations, our situation improved immeasurably.

You've never done this have you 😂. You do realise one or both of you would be seriously injured before you made it into the car.

FWIW they aren't even allowed to teach parents safe restraint techniques because we are apparently meant to read their cues and stop meltdowns before they happen. I'm sure if you never leave their side, use the toilet, work, have a sibling, chores or errands it might work but otherwise there's still a hell of a lot of meltdowns.

DS was appalled at the lack of support given to me and his younger sibling once he knee a little bit about it.

Well i don't think the law would agree with you thankfully if you assault a child you would likely be prosecuted .
And there is a huge difference between a child and an adult
As a parent you have a responsibility towards your children which you don't have to other adults
If you can't see the difference between a disabled 8 year old child and an adult then i don't know what to say.

I think that retaliation and harsher consequenes are well called for, no one likes getting punched and beaten. and i fail to see why everyone is so againt the op having any recourse and having to put up with vile behaviours from her child. If it was an adult, then everyone would be telling her to leave, or to get rid.

But because its a child, the OP has to put up with it - adjust to the child? what utter bullshit

At 8 years old, you bodily pick them up, burrito in a blanket if needs be and put them in the car. no ifs, ands or buts. autism is no excuse for shitty behaviou and if the OP cannot cope then it becomes the issue of the LA.

either that or it'll be the OP that ends up in the hospital, and what then?

Are you actually arguing that it's ok for parents to physically retaliate against their young, neurodivergent children when they can't regulate and act out physically? That's what you're saying?

@x2boys I don't think the poster is suggesting that. But I remember my friend whose child was removed asking at a meeting if she could be taught the team teaching restraint they use in broad spectrum schools. It was a hard no. As a) she wouldn't be part of a team b) no witnesses to say that she'd carried out the restraint properly.
So quite often she would have to run away onto the street outside her house for safety and just call the police.

You think a parent should attack their own small child ,really??

So no recourse for self defense at all and are expected to take the physical beating their child delivers?

In thst case i completely agree ,it i just find it infuriating when posters blithely suggest residential school, s when they have no idea how hard it is to get a place and without an EHCP they wouldn't even be on the radar and rightly so as you say they should only ever be a last resort for children with the most complex needs.

@x2boys yes you are quite right. I left out a lot of important detail.
Of course all these boys had EHCPs from a very young age, DLA, combinations of MASH and/or Cafcass involvement, CAMHS, had been in SEN schools. Social worker involvement from a young age. You name it. All sorts of family support workers assigned to them.
The road to residential is very long.
The costs were to highlight why the threshold has to be high. Local authorities are broke, residential is the very last resort.
And yes a lot of parents are scared to report and push for help for a violent child because social workers often start with an Occam's razor point of view (they certainly seem to in our authority). A violent child must mean bad parenting( so often parents are referred to parenting courses) and/or violence is being modelled in the home.

Yes - I have suggested to call the Samaritans, social services contact and foster care. Many other posters have said the same. The difference is that I don’t attempt to shut down the discussion, shame posters, pretend to know the solutions or complain about actual relevant information posted by others.

Your own suggestion wss to get the Ops child into foster care so I think i can safely assume you know absolutely nothing about how things work and for some reason just want to pick fights with posters you don't agree with
I'm not engaging with you anymore as it's pointless.

I have scrolled by your posts here, as you don’t have actual experience of the OP’s situation, until you picked on this poster who contributes actual experience and financial data. It’s hard facts - it’s a difficult situation. It’s important to read this.

The cost of residential placement isn't informative to the Op as it's just not an option at this point, and talking about parents having their rights removed and their children taken away is very extreme and very unkind.
I have posted about early help ,and looking at the local offer which I think is far more useful at this very early stage than ridiculous suggestions of residential school, s if you don't like my posts than suggest you take your own advice and scroll on by

If you don’t think it’s informative then scroll on by. I find the post very helpful as it deals with actual situations and financial content. You have posted about your family issues which are completely different to those of the op - I imagine that people have scrolled on rather than pointing this out. This poster has actual relevant information and it’s helpful.

I disagree the poster is talking about people they know that's not knowledge
How is informative to waffle on about residential schools ,when it's completely irrelevant at this stage and terrify the Op by talking about extreme cases of people losing their child ??
I'm 15,years down the line as a parent of a severely autistic teenager, and whilst my child has very different needs I do have a good idea of what is and isn't available and Whst the Op could be offered at this stage.

This poster has experience and knowledge of the matter - a violent child. The post is very informative in fact. Your trying to shut down people sharing their information is unhelpful.