To not want to look after my daughter any more

Why should the daughter be under CAMHS? The OP hasn't said anything about her daughter have a diagnosed mental illness, only autism, which isn't a mental illness.

Sorry, that was in reply to @ByGreyWriter

Definite trauma, borderline learning difficulties for dd1. I’d raise the question of ADHD and other conditions for them both but they were discounted. ODD is a good shout but ten years ago it wasn’t really ever suggested.
They were under CAHMS for many years but it didn’t really help. I suppose I was “lucky” in that them being adopted opened some doorways in terms of support. They had respite support at weekends for a while until the respite carers could no longer cope, and I received adoption allowance, DLA (before it became PIP) and carers allowance, which enabled me to work part time and take a career break to facilitate all the various meetings and appointments, as well as paying for hobbies like dance, gymnastics and horse riding to help give their week some structure. I do think riding was particularly beneficial.
They are in their early 20s now. Both still have their issues and both were teenage parents - with social services once again involved - but my grandchildren bring me a lot of joy.

I see a lot of this, post adoption breakdown
Sometimes the early years trauma cannot be healed post adoption no matter how loving the family- the damage is done xxx

Dd1 was just under eight when placed with me for adoption, and just under ten when it was made legal. DD2 was five when placed with me, seven when it was made legal. Both went on to become aggressive towards me, especially dd1, although she left home when she was 16.
I put Dd2 back into care when she was 15 because I couldn’t keep her safe. She was attacking me, destroying our home, drinking, dabbling in drugs, constantly running off, hanging out with goodness knows who, self harming and being arrested for shoplifting etc.
Children’s services had been heavily involved and were half heartedly looking for a placement but one day matters came to a head and I think I took her to their office - I’ve since had some brain damage so struggling to remember the exact sequence of events.
She went initially into a children’s home about three miles away which didn’t really work out and she unofficially returned home for a while before it all escalated again and this time went to a very rural home where for many months she was the only resident so had a lot of input from staff, before being joined by one other girl. I saw her fairly regularly.
My relationship with both dds is ok now. Not always great but ok. I tell dd2 she would be dead if I hadn’t put her back in care and she says how grateful she is to the staff at that second home.
Neuther were autistic but they had complex behavioural, social and emotional
issues. The police were often round 2/3 times a week and I had warning markers on my address for urgent response due to the level of domestic abuse.
Child on parent violence is a growing problem and I always say don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.

@BabyCatFace

I adopted my son when he was 8.

Quite
and there is no adoption for 8 year olds

Strongly recommend looking at Parenting Mental Health (website, book, FB group). Lots of us there have lived experience of being attacked by our children.

Also recommend reading about NVR as an approach. We have just done an NVR course (as a couple) and it’s been really helpful.

Choosing to surrender your parental rights is adoption?
They can be taken away from you by a full care court order , but not just ‘given up’
most kids in care are on section 20 where parents still have PR

There is no such thing as choosing to surrender parental rights

Because its just that easy ....

I'm suggesting that if every parent with a child who has traumatic behavioural problems were allowed to surrender them to social services, we wouldn't have money as a country to pay for anything else. Unfortunately, when you have a child, you do so in the knowledge that there are risks involved, such as the risk that they might be autistic and violent in the future. You cannot then surrender the child to the state; you are legally responsible for giving that child a home and meeting their needs. Sure, if you are unable to do that for whatever reason, then there are systems in place to step in, but those systems are simply not going to kick in just because you are at the end of your tether and other children are at risk. The threshold for social services to take a child out of the home is very high, and the child will be at the centre of that assessment (they are more likely to remove the other children than the severely behaviorally challenged child tb). So, the OP doesn't have much of a choice. I do not make the rules, I'm simply saying: children, however difficult, do not get removed from the family home without there being some serious incompetence or abuse from the parents. Respite care is different and may be possible with help from the right channels.

This advice is spot on.
Do you get help from any parenting with special needs sites.
I'm on a FB page by Mcall Gordon who writes about kids with extra needs and it's really helpful.

Don't try to follow the age old, your a kid you do what I say pathways BC it just won't work with ND kids. Don't blame each others parenting, that doesn't help either.

If it's difficult to get your head round it, think of it as a brain injury, and just as you'd adapt things for a physically disabled child, a ND child needs adaptations.

Don't be fucking ridiculous outside of the house he never gets a chance to be anywhere near anyone else why are you trying to be so offensive??

And if your son decided to attack someone else out of the house, they should just sit and accept it?

Oh OP. You don't want her taken away. I get it. I have four now grown kids. Two ND. My dauion the specidid this stuff. I remember one day she was pissed off on the way home from school about her day and once in the house launched a carton of juice across the room to which I explained her name and to stop. She then ran upstairs and smashed a full length mirror. She was about 10. I get it. She early 20s now with two youngsters. She's my best friend the most wonderful mother. Please try and seek some support to manage this

Autistic children(and adults) can have shitty behaviour too. Yes most of the time with children(and often with adults) challenging behaviour will be related to their autism but they do also have these things called personalities and they are as capable or misbehaving or being unpleasant or difficult at times as any child. We aren’t some homogenous mass devoid of personalities or all agency.

It’s clear though that you only value the ND child. Screw anyone else in the household. You clearly don’t think that they matter at all. I’ve seen that attitude on MN many times though so sadly you’re not alone in that. 8 years old and autistic or not, the violence is no less painful, devastating or traumatising for the people being subjected to it. Their body and mind still reacts to it in the same way as if it were an adult.

I hope that residential care won’t be necessary for the OP’s child as there are possible solutions that haven’t yet been tried but I do think it’s grotesque that parents are expected to have the shit beaten out of them by their child with so little support. They matter too. A friend of mine went through this with her son. The abuse that she took from her similarly aged child and that her young daughter took was unimaginable and no less traumatic because it was a 9 year old dishing it out. Her daughter was terrified to go home and developed severe problems as a result. She was finally able to get him into residential care after a long battle but not before she’d been hospitalised several times and then had a literal and severe breakdown. She should never have been allowed to get to that point. Putting her son into residential care was the best thing for all of them. It helped her son and her DD absolutely blossomed without him, after a period of adjustment where she realised that she was safe again but it took a long time for the impact on her and her DD to settle. And while her DD was young enough to recover, my friend still has associated issues. That was over a decade ago and I imagine that it’s even harder now to get residential care. And yes councils are bankrupt but residential care is absolutely necessary for some parents and children and it’s disgusting that they are left to be abused and severely traumatised in their own homes by their own children.

It makes me feel quite sick tbh thst some posters think it's OK to assault disabled children ,.

I really don't understand why some posters feel the need to comment on things of which they clearly have less than zero knowledge or experience.
OP, this advice, and other posts by the same poster, are beyond ignorant and wrong. Please completely disregard it.

"Autism is no excuse for shitty behaviour"

Autistic children don't have "shitty behaviour" but their condition can sometimes make their behaviour challenging for various reasons, often beyond the child's and anyone else's control. Learning to manage this is a long road for the child, parents, other caregivers and educators, but it is something that can be learned with good advice, patience and trial and error. And hopefully some outside expert help.
Beating the child up and forcing them restrained into cars is never part of this process; and as for "retaliation and harsher consequences" for an autistic child... I have no words.

What do you suggest exactly punch ,nip ,bite them back?This is whst my son does to me to me but he's severely autistic with severe learning disabilities, he doesn't understand how his actions impact me ,but I'm and adult and I'm not disabled so if I did them same to him I would be arrested and charged with assault
My sons 15 now so I can usually recognise the triggers and use distraction techniques etc but it doesn't always work.

So legally and morally the parents just need to accept being attacked by their child?

I've read some awful advice in my time, but this makes the top 3. It would be hugely irresponsible to attempt to transport an 8 year old "burrito style" in a car.

Clearly you have utter contempt for a dysregulated 8 year old, but surely even you can see how dangerous that would be? Not just to the parent and child, but other road users.

Yes this is a good post.