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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want to look after my daughter any more

414 replies

Goaheadflameme · 27/07/2025 17:58

My daughter is 8. She is recently diagnosed with autism. No problems at school but a nightmare at home.

Predictably, being out of the school routine has made her challenging behaviour more challenging. She regularly tells me she hates me, wishes I was dead, that things would be better without me. Everytime
I say something she mocks me. She won’t do anything she is told and consequences are meaningless as she just doesn’t care. Today she has also thrown food round the living room and when I tried to stop this she has violently attacked me multiple times. Previously she has broken my finger and scratched me to the extent that I was hospitalised due to a serious infection in my arm.

I just honestly can’t do it any more. This has been going on for more than two years now. It’s completely ruining me, my relationship with my husband and our family life (we have other children). The violence triggers me so badly due to childhood abuse and I don’t feel safe in my own home.

Do social services take children away in these circumstances?

OP posts:
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whiteroseredrose · 27/07/2025 18:14

That sounds just awful and not surprising that you are at the end of your tether. Is there an option to pass a child into the care system?

I know it sounds drastic but it may help you to keep your sanity.

RiverGod · 27/07/2025 18:09

I’ve just had this exact same conversation with my mum today- my 8 year old is the second child I’ve had this with and I’m just very tired. I don’t want to do it anymore.

I understand OP.

Original poster
Goaheadflameme · 27/07/2025 18:09

DH doesn’t step in when she is attacking me. She has previously attacked him as well, usually she tries to punch him between the legs.

I’m terrified I am going to lose my other children over this.

We don’t get any benefits for her or any support. The referral our GP made was rejected because it was for the wrong service or something.

OP posts:
Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 27/07/2025 18:08

Are you open to Social Care ? Early Help/Targeted Support and or CAMHs?

TimeForABreak4 · 27/07/2025 18:07

That sounds very difficult op. I don't think they take them away but have you got a social worker to get support in place?

You could be awarded funding for respite or for her to go to day centres etc for children with Autism. The first step is contacting the duty social worker for your area if you don't yet have one. Tell them you are struggling and desperately need support. You will be designated a social worker who will come and do an assessment and then they will have a meeting with their team leader and the local council to see what funding you will be awarded for support and what other support can be put in place.

Edited to remove the random 12 that was added at the end.

Livelovebehappy · 27/07/2025 18:06

Sounds awful. I hope someone comes along and gives you advice, and doesn't judge. Until people have walked in your shoes, no-one could come close to imagining what you must he going through.

dontcomeatme · 27/07/2025 18:05

Yes you can contact them. They will probably offer early help first, maybe even respite. Does she receive any benefits for her autism? My friend uses her DS money to pay for a private respite service especially during the holidays, they take her DS out 2 days a week.
A friend I knew years ago gave her DD to social services, for different reasons. But she doesn't regret it. They have a good relationship now DD is 17. She still lives in care but there is talk of her coming home.
I'm sorry OP this situation sounds awful, hand hold x

ForrinMummy · 27/07/2025 18:05

This is horrendous. Even worse, in extremis they would take your other children away (or to live separately with their Dad) and leave you, alone and unsupported with her.

cryinglaughing · 27/07/2025 18:04

Is she under CAMHS?
There is respite care available but I don't know how you would access it or even if you would qualify for it.

Enough4me · 27/07/2025 18:03

I'd ask them for support as a matter of urgency before she hurts one of her siblings.
Could she stay with other family or friends even if just for temporary periods so she cools down?

Mondaytuesdayhappydays · 27/07/2025 18:03

What services are you open to already?
x

BlueMum16 · 27/07/2025 18:02

I'm sorry this is happening.

Where is your DH in all of this? How is she with him?

WhereIsMyJumper · 27/07/2025 18:01

I’m so sorry OP, I wish I had some good advice for you but just wanted to say that sounds extremely difficult and definitely not normal!