To not want to look after my daughter any more

What's wrong with stating how things used to be? Or are you too fragile to see things not being all hunky dory and of a different mindset to the current times? Who knows how things will be into another 50 years

Asylums?? Not sure how they come into it but I think might have swung too far shutting them all down, to the extrent that people who need hospital treatment for mental illness aren't getting it and are left to roam streets causing danger to themselves and others

Why would you even say that then?
Ww don't have a asylums any more and that's a good thing.

I'm not suggesting anything. Im stating what used to happen

Well thankfully the world is a better place now ,I really hope your not suggesting disabled children are better off dead ?becsuse that's inhumane and vile

But not everyone does.I personally didnt have instant love for kids until id hot to know them by caring for them.

Until you got paid extra money for having kids with disabilities it's wasn't unusual to leave them at a hospital straight after birth or often the hospital system suggested a " place" they could go.This " keep them at home" no matter how detrimental to everyone else is relatively common. I remember my mum telling me that it wasn't that unusual to not hurry to get medical care for severely disabled kids if they became ill.

Indeed
And I agree it's frustrating posters think you can just phone up and request a residential school and they are just ready and waiting
Currently this child doesn't even have an EHCP so a residential isn't even on the horizon.

@x2boys

Of course we know that there are such things as specialist residential placements.

Its just very frustrsting that many people think that social services can just magic one up.
Places are few and far between and are hugely expensive.
I'd take a bet that a lot of people who say just send them to a special school/home would also be quite vociferous if they knew what these places cost and think there own nice well behaved children were losing out as a result of the resources spent on the naughty kids

None of us do
But most of us get on with it anyway because despite their disabilities they are our children and we love them
What isnt helpful is to ignorantly suggest services such as " special homes" that don't exist.

Nobody chooses their children. No parent should be forced to keep a child who breaks their bones, makes them feel uncomfortable and unsafe in their own home and can murder or mutilate them or their other children at any time. Don't be like oh well that's your child so suck it up. NO! Children like that need very structured, very professional help, in the hopes that they can improve and become functional, if not they have no business interacting with society!! They are simply incompatible with family life, the community and society as a whole. The system is broken, these parents need and deserve relief! Stop punishing parents for situations that aren't their fault! How on earth can anyone know beforehand that their child is going to be like that?

Because if the parent is not okay it is very hard to make sure the kid is okay. Not strange at all. Added to this, severe autism can be very hard to cope with, both physically and emotionally, especially if there are violent meltdowns. It's hard on the whole family.
It all sounds great when people moralize about parents' responsibilities, but some problems can break a parent too.

Making a decision to have a child means taking responsibility for that child until they are an adult. There is always a risk that any child will have a disability or additional need. There is no facility to simply hand your child over to the state to raise and nor should there be. Firstly, it's prohibitively expensive to raise a child and that's public money. Secondly the resources are rare and hard to find, and need to be kept for children whose parents abuse or neglect them. Thirdly, it's really bad for children to be raised outside of their birth family unless being at home is so abusive or neglectful that it's worse to be left at home.
The state must provide additional support to people with disabilities and additional needs. In some cases of children with the most severe disabilities that might include residential care because they simply need more than their parents can give. But in the case of an autistic child who can't regulate her emotions and behaviour that is simply not an option. And why do you think it should be? Why do you view the parent as more important than the child in this scenario?

@Summergirl92

what is a 'special home' ?

No there isn't a special home where the Ops child can be placed
People need to let go of this ridiculous idea .

https://capafirstresponse.org/ hi OP, I've been recommended this charity by the safeguarding lead at work. Worth a try? My autistic daughter was super difficult at this age and used to hit and kick us and spit in our food.

You are not being unreasonable. I am so very sorry that you're going through this, how absolutely horrific!!💔 😢 Isn't there a special home where she can be placed? You can't just allow your child to abuse you and obviously you can't keep her any longer for your own physical safety and mental health!!

Becsuse the Op says it is I assume she knows her own child .

I understand how hard it is for you, my parents had 6 neuroduvergent kids all with different traits and needs, I am autistic. Please think how hard it is for your daughter if she is behaving in this way. Autistics find it difficult to identify and regulate their emotions. Also girls expecially mask, so she will be good at school, but like an unexploded bomb when she gets home. You are her safe space and she can let go, often resulting in meltdowns (often interpreted as tantrums). Ensure she has a quite , safe place she can go to. She won't be behaving like this on purpose, she can't help it. Look up Pathological Demand Avoidance, ask for advice on the PDA society website. Please try to get to know your daughter, and help her to understand herself. Please love her and accept her. I'm in tears writing this, autism can be so traumatic, but also such joy when we can be accepted as we are.

I think you need to have another try with your GP or try going directly to Social Services or another organization which helps families with autistic children. . You have been dealt a tough hand. Autism with agression is horrendously difficult to deal with. I am sorry your DH is not giving you enough support or thinks sentina bou darles will make her worse, but maybe if you can get professional help it might help both of you.

Call your local council and ask to speak to social services. Just be honest and tell them that you are really struggling and need some help. See what options are available for your family. Good luck x

This 👏. As someone who had also been through it with a late ASD diagnosis for my DD. Expecting the child to just change and be good and fit in, led to numerous suicide attempts. Knowing what I know now and what saved us in the end, was educating both myself and her on ASD and the millions of ways it's can present. Like I said, I've been through this and one day I rang social services screaming at them to just take her, which of course they didn't, you literally couldn't give them your kids if you tried, and all I kept getting told by them was, "your such a good mother, it's all the other services that need to help you guys", but we never got that help. The only advice I can give that I think will help with where you are right now in your journey, is do whatever works for you and your family to support what your child is going through. If that's screens all day for a week straight so be it- I'd take that over a week of thinking I'm going to walk out the door and leave them all behind. Do whatever you need to do for you and screw what other people think. I know right now that might feel impossible, but take one hour at a time, then one morning then one day. It really does get better, but it does also get dark to. The catalyst to change in your family will come from how you handle the ASD, and there is no one fit, but what's for definite, is that parenting a ASD child as though they are ND, will be detrimental. Remember, it's not personal, your child doesnt hate you, they hate living in a world that isn't set up for them and the dont know how to cope with that. Sending love and hugs cos I know you just need that sometimes.

Many children with autism are under CAMHS

Not technically, but there is a correlation between autism and poor mental health.

Autism and mental health Link

A great many autistic children are under CAMHS.

Link

It's not?