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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

More of a wwyd. Friendship issue

30 replies

TigressIamnot · 27/07/2025 17:40

I have a DD who is 16. She had a boyfriend for over a year. they are part of a wider closenit friendship group. All attend the same special school as all have learning difficulties/ASD/ADHD. Boyfriend decided he is in love with a different girl and broke up. All fine with me. DD is incredibly upset though. Main issue is, DD (and the other kids) are functioning at a level where they cannot leave the house alone. So their main mode if communication is WhatsApp etc. The ex blocked DD (fine, his choice) but he instructed all the other friends to remove DD from various WhatsApp groups and won't let the other to add DD back on. He can be quite dominant and is the only male in the group. When friends add her back to any of the groups, she is removed instantly by ex again. So DD didn't only lose the boyfriend, but the whole friendship group alongside as she be being sidelined. it's incredibly difficult for her. Under normal circumstances, I would run it via their school as the safeguarding lead is really on the ball but it's another 5 weeks until they go back. DD is just so upset. she cannot leave the house on her own and meet friends due to level of functioning. we are really stuck. Any ideas apart from the obvious of being there for her and being reassuring and trying to distract her as much as possible? It's heartbreaking to see.

OP posts:
GrumpyExpat · 27/07/2025 18:00

My daughter has a similar friendship group but within that there are pairings etc and people spend time 1:1 and also as a group. Can she not text individual friends in the group to initiate hanging out or just chatting? This guy sounds awful, what a bully.

Calamitousness · 27/07/2025 17:59

I’d contact his parents. Either go round or phone. I would hope they’d be open to helping him understand that is not acceptable behaviour and help him with his feelings to use better strategies for coping with your daughter engaging with her friends and him indirectly through their chat group.

TigressIamnot · 27/07/2025 17:58

DoneitagainhaventI · 27/07/2025 17:56

This is really quite distressing.
If your DD is not capable of leaving the house by herself I don't understand how she is capable of having the level of interaction necessary to have a boyfriend without there being coercion or manipulation. How has this been allowed to happen?

It's a 'boyfriend'. They only see each other in school. It's not a boyfriend in the same way a typical teen would have one.

OP posts:
Fluffyholeysocks · 27/07/2025 17:58

Can your DD start her own WhatsApp group with her friends but omit him?

DoneitagainhaventI · 27/07/2025 17:56

This is really quite distressing.
If your DD is not capable of leaving the house by herself I don't understand how she is capable of having the level of interaction necessary to have a boyfriend without there being coercion or manipulation. How has this been allowed to happen?