Misuse of SAHM terminology

You're both wrong and extremely offensive.

@Canyoureadthough you do, but lots don’t. There is a huge divide between working mums and mums at home. You see it all the time here.

dads stay home when kids are sick, childminders, nanny, grandparents.

my sacrifice was I’m the one to drop everything for kids. To stay at home. so I see myself as the one at home. DH would never stop working to do that. We don’t have family help. It’s all on me.

I was thinking this too. When I returned to work after mat leaves, I agreed my hours based around my children's needs, and still do, to enable me to do 3 school drop offs and 3 pick ups per week, with reduced hours during school holidays. My job works around my children as my priority (whilst still earning enough to pay bills) This doesnt make me a SAHM, it makes me a well balanced working mum, doing what's best for my children is at the heart of all my decisions, including earning enough to pay for their extras whilst still being there for them when needed and setting (what i feel is) a positive example to my daughters that they can acheive anything.

See above

People don’t usually say they are going to ‘work’ if they are parenting or running a home.
The definition of work is “activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.” So I stand corrected.

I think it's a bit more complicated than that, in practice.

Many SAHM's take on some kinds of income producing activities in order to be able to remain as SAHM's. The most typical one ime is to do childcare and have another child in along with your own.

But it does often include other things that can be worked around the primary childcare work with the person's own children. And a lot of them are self-employed type things. Most don't make anything like enough money to support someone as a job, much less a career. Sometimes they are money for extra things, maybe kid's lessons, or a nicer vacation, but I've also know many families where it was a big stretch to live on one income, and it was this kind of op up that just made it possible.

Besides childcare, I've seen people do stuff like crafting or sewing on a piece level to sell, Mary Kay type things, very pt medical transcription or typing/editing for people, tutoring, or even baking fancy birthday cakes. I knew one woman who grew produce in her garden and sold it in the warm seasons. When my kids were small and I was home I did a few contracts doing a little research for a publisher in an area I had worked in before, and that kind of thing seems quite common - it also appeals because it keeps you connected to your job skills. I've also known mums who worked as lunch supervisors once their kids were at school, or one who did a short lunchtime shift for two hours at a cafe.

The main deliminator for me would be that it's completely organised around the childcare duties, not the other way round, and to a lesser extent that it wouldn't normally be an income you could live on.

I think policing how another person chooses to describe their own life or career is ridiculous. In what possible way does someone else describing themselves as a SAHM impact you? They can call themselves a “stay at home goldfish owner” or a “work outside the home, but only on weekends, part time llama parent” and I would say that was up to them. So long as they aren’t calling you something you don’t identify with how on earth does it matter?

Imagine if we all got on with living life instead of this bizarre modern fixation on classifying everyone into little boxes.

That’s not being a SAHM though, a SAHM is fully focused on the kids, all day every day, you have several jobs even if the kids come with you.

that was always my understanding of SAHM. Kids care first, jobs fit around.

That is just being a mother for almost every other mum, nothing to do with being a SAHM or not.

You're not a SAHM. And it's pretty insulting to imply that mums who aren't SAHMs don't take time off when their DCs are sick, make their jobs work around their children or put their DCs first. We do - obviously.

You would be hard pushed to get a job as a project manager without appropriate qualifications.

It’s called living - it’s not project management. If that was the case everyone who’s not in prison is pretty much a project manager……….its pretty insulting to those whose profession is project management

This thread is crackers.

what am I?

pre children I was a court solicitor working hundred hour weeks, legal aid.

I gave up, when I adopted two, then had two.

I have my OWN holiday cottage. Self employed.

I work in the school nursery three mornings a week, flexi hours. Whichever school in cluster needs me.

I work for women’s aid. Advisory, legal process.

I work in my old solicitors place, as and when, from home doing legal aid.

I work on farm, I’m night shift lady, cows and sheep.

BUT, I’m a SAHM. Kids come with me, night or day. Little ones anyway. Big ones used to.

if they are sick, I’m off.

that was always my understanding of SAHM. Kids care first, jobs fit around.

I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t work around kids, except a select few. Those would be ladies of Leisure. Unpopular perhaps, but locally a rare entity. very rural Scotland.

MIL once said to us that she was extremely busy doing "two full time jobs". She clarified she's a SAHM and a house-wife. At the time she said it all her children were in their 20s/30s, none lived at home and she was divorced - living completely alone.

That is ridiculous. Although I've seen Work at home mum, or something equally stupid on here.

If children are at school all day, I don't see how they are SAHM's. To me, SAHM's care for their children all day because they are too young for school.

I find it odd when someone calls themselves a SAHM but they have children at school all day.

Its similar to calling yourself a plumber because you once unblocked a sink. Or a tax advisor because you did your own tax return. Or a chef because you cook at home.
You know a tiny little part of the job, but completely miss the awareness of the complexity. its s hood start, but you have a lot to learn. It can justify why you are interested in developing some knowledge!

I mean at the moment (it is due to change) only "registered nurse" is a legally protected title - requiring appropriate qualifications and registration, so anyone can call themselves a qualified nurse. They could well be claiming they are qualified through experience of caring for their own children.

In my mind it's the concept that you have children who require significant practical support day to day - school runs, after school and holiday childcare etc, that looking after them fills a significant chunk of their day, the children need someone to be home and around for them consistently. By the time they are in secondary most young people get themselves to school on buses etc, can be left alone at home for chunks of time, so having a mum/parent staying at home becomes more of a description/label than a practical time consuming role - as others have said, many prefer it to housewife or unemployed to define themselves - as is their choice to do so. I am only stating my perception, not a legal definition of a SAHM.

Of course many primary children don't have mums who stay at home, but provisions need to be made for school runs, so that role is still essential, even if it may not always be done by the mum.

I’d honestly find it so odd if I found out someone worked two full days a week whilst claiming to be at home with the kids/SAHM.

I honestly think some women are ashamed of working while having a family and so what to present what they feel is the ideal image of being a SAHM. Working while you’re a mother is nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s something to celebrate.

ETA - celebrate is probably too strong but there is no shame in working IMO, especially if it’s part time so you get the best of both worlds

Not really. To be a qualified nurse you have to have a specific qualification. Project management is not one specific thing but an umbrella terminology that encompasses a whole range of varied jobs, involving planning and overseeing the implementation of business activities. It requires a particular skill set which is definitely also utilised in trying to manage a household/ kids.

I work part-time but when people ask me what I do for a living my instinct is always to say “I’m at home with the kids at the minute.”
I work 15 hours per week outside the home but it feels so little in comparison to the days I’m home with my 2 preschool age kids that it actually feels a bit disingenuous to say “I work as x” - I think I feel like a phony when I say that!

Anyway, not saying that this is right or that your original observation is wrong- just sharing to give some insight into why some people might choose to say this despite working part-time?

It's equivalent to calling yourself a qualified nurse, because you look after your kids when they're sick.

Eh?

What about a shift worker who only ever foes nights or back shift but are at home during the day with their DC doing all the household tasks as well?

What about someone who only works while their DC is out at school but is at home looking after them and doing the household tasks around that?

By your bizarre logic they are SAHPs too…..

it doesn’t matter when you work your hours, if you work you are not a SAHP.

I unfollowed your thread because you don't seem like a very nice person and I'm not interested in talking to you anymore. But if you're going to follow me around the site and make comments then I'm going to report it.

No idea what you are talking about. Why are you here? What are you gaining here?

You come across as quite simple. I mean that respectfully. What man is going to talk about about abortion during foreplay or the lead upto having sex... come on use your imagination or perhaps read correctly. It's common sense he told me after we had sex.

There seems to be a lot of focus and critism/ pulling me down. Don't you feel theres been more than enough?