13 year old watching newborn

With respect OP, you sound very over the top and anxious. Presumably your first baby? They can be left alone in a safe environment for a short while and you don’t need to stay awake if they are sleeping! You’ll learn to relax. Please don’t alienate your DSD because you are dealing with this. Your DH has experience with newborns so maybe listen to him?

You sound overly anxious as a new parent. Never taking your eyes off him ,only sleeping if someone else is awake to watch her...

That's not normal behaviour.

Is baby your first OP? I remember my mind racing like that with my first especially.

Also forgot to add - I also think it’s nice for 13 year old to have some one on one time with baby - maybe start whilst baby is asleep and they can be in charge for that period - I know they’re all different but usually newborns are asleep for hours at a time - it’s difficult to see when it’s your baby but they can be pretty boring for everyone else especially when asleep so please don’t begrudge DSD for popping tv on or being on phone. Maybe work on a compromise with your partner where both of you are happy

@ObliviousCoalmine the OP’s replies
are quite snippy though. She is the one who asked for advice…:

I was going to say this. It’s not normal and could be an early indication of PND.

Take away the blanket if he’s unsupervised. As for sick, how do you cope over night? Surely you don’t stay awake to watch him

Omg lady, chill your attitude. You asked the question, dont like the answer and just being flat out unpleasant.

Well given the other extreme posts you've made the sarcasm wasn't evident.

Glad to hear you do sleep at least, lack of sleep can only exacerbate the anxiety about leaving a 13 Yr old with a baby.

When I was born, my siblings ages 10 - 18 watched me. I was baby number 6, so my parents were pretty much over babies by that point, probably would’ve left me with a 5 year old. I understand this is your PFB, I remember how I was when DD was born, but take a chill pill. Soon you’ll be glad for any help you can get.

Congratulations on your new baby!!

The only thing you’ve been unreasonable in doing is asking mumsnet an opinion when you’re 14 days post partum 🤣 I think many have forgotten the hormonal protective instinct that drives you in those early days. Everything is so new, you’re likely sleep deprived, exhausted, recovering from major abdominal surgery and you’re primed to make sure your baby is ok and that’s fine. It sounds like this is your first baby and I think we have instincts for a reason - they’re there to keep us and our baby safe.

Im sure everyone on mumsnet did things in those early days with their first that they wouldn’t be doing now or with their older or subsequent children. You’re 14 days post partum, give yourself some slack and do whatever you need to do to keep yourself sane. If that means constantly being around the baby 24/7 then do it - with the knowledge that it’s not sustainable long term - you’re not hurting anyone. Hopefully DD and DSD can understand this. With time as baby gets older you will “chill out” a bit and hopefully feel more comfortable being away from them. But it’s fine for you to not feel like that now. But equally you can’t expect your partner to feel exactly the way you do and if he wants to take a shit in peace without the baby you should allow him 20 mins away. One of the hardest parts I found of being a new parent was accepting that we did things differently and that my way wasn’t always the “right” way just a different way. You will find your groove. You’re doing a great job mama.

No.

It's such early days and the OP is anxious.. She's being made more anxious by the DH insisting that she's wrong and has to do it his way.
What is wrong with him being a little more tolerant whilst she gets used to the whole thing, which she will. Every mother is nervous with the first newborn and she will very soon look back and laugh at it..

But having someone telling her despite her post p fears that she is wrong and not listening to her just adds to her anxiety.

I remember saying something similar to DH about inexperienced people picking up newborn and not supporting its head/neck properly. That was a very real fear to me at the time. Being told to get over it, only, meant I felt I had to be on constant high alert because I felt no one else was. Of course this all calmed down after a while. If he'd said... Of course I'll keep an eye out for that, it would have settled down sooner.

Her DH would resolve this more quickly by listening and reassuring given how new all this is to the OP and managing it better for both OP and DSD.

Goodness, I let my 7 yr old stay in the room while my newborn napped and I nipped to the toilet for example. Try and relax, it’s so hard being a new mum, hormones make us a little irrational. Baby will be ok with your DSD.

Hang on, you've said "many" "responsible adults" are around and watching baby whenever you have a shower, get ready make a drink etc. So does that mean you literally never leave the room unless there is another adult there to "watch" the baby? How is that sustainable?
At 2 weeks old most women are on there own with the baby as their DP/DH (if they have one) has gone back to work. It is entirely normal to leave your baby in their moses basket, crib, bouncy chair etc and get on with jobs, have a shower, make a cup of tea etc. If you don't feel able to do this, and you genuinely believe that someone looking at their phone whilst in charge of your baby is dangerous, then I'm sorry but you absolutely do need to speak to a Health professional about your anxiety.

My brother who was 13 years older than me when I was born, did exactly this. Now as adults he casts up how awful it was to look after me, and we have never had a close relationship as he resents the time he spent with me when he was young.

That's not healthy @Newmum99653

Mums who don't have their eyes on their babies 24/7 don't not want their children to be safe and well. And the fact that you've said this is insulting.

@Newmum99653 You need to calm down. 13 years old is more than old enough to keep an eye to the baby with other people in the house. 13 year old just needs to sit with the baby to make sure nothing stupid happens. All fine.

I used to babysit a small baby when I was 13 plus some older kids as well. Looking back on it , it was a bit ridiculous and I wouldn’t allow a 13 year old to do it now.
however it’s ridiculous giving out about a 13 year old on her phone while “minding” the baby. I wouldn’t even really call it minding when you are in the house. It’s totally OTT expecting her to sit and stare at the baby. I am minding my own baby right now while going on my phone.

If you had another young child, say a toddler, you’d have no choice but to take your eyes off the baby.

I assume this is your first baby and your DH already has at least one other child. That's why you're so worried, most mum's are overprotective of their first born.
However it is fine to let your 13' year old look after the baby while you and DH are in the house. It would be a bit different if they were home alone together and even if you don't take your eyes off your baby doesn't mean other people can't. Did you really think your 13 year old DSD was just going to sit staring at the baby?
I used to let my 13 and 11 year old look after my third as long as I was in the house. It was fine and they have an incredible bond now.

I think its fine for a 13 year old to watch the baby, in my home country it would be normal for them to watch the newborn alone and I've done it myself at a younger age (I wanted to though). In my culture we actually don't leave young babies alone, because of spiritual rather than physical safety reasons. I left mine to use the toilet and do a few chores though, as it was just us alone during the day from she was a week old, and no one else to help around the house.

How are the younger generations meant to learn how to look after children if they're never given the chance? Its like any other life skill IMO. My own great-grandmother was married and a mother 2 years older than your stepdaughter, not that it's a good thing.

I dont think she should be forced to watch him if she doesnt want to though, your partner shouldn't be making her if she doesn't want to. Will a baby monitor help? That way you can keep an eye on him when you're out of the room and need reassurance, even if there are other people there. It might not be a good idea to lift the moses basket so soon after a c-section or even after a vaginal birth to be honest, it's not good for the pelvic floor.

OP..... With the best will in the world, people are giving you sound feedback, but your replies are somewhat sharp.

Take a moment, breathe. Gently, your baby can be alone for short periods. After a poo, there is a reason why the bathroom smells.... There is an aerosol effect of tiny poo particles especially after flushing. In my book, your care in this regard creates an unintended risk.

I write this as one who carried her baby in a sling for the first three months, but even I went to the loo alone!

Even in those first three months, I put him down to sleep alone in the day. I just carried the monitor around!

You sound stressed and anxious, even if you don't think you are. As I said before, breathe!

At that age he should be lying flat in pram/cot/Moses basket, not strapped into any sort of seat.

No one has eyes permanently fixed to a baby 24/7. It's not healthy and will create anxiety. YABU

I think I’d be embracing the 13yo to hold the baby. Most babies at that age settle and sleep better on a human than they do in a Moses basket or whatever so DSD can hold the baby and watch TV or be on her phone whilst you shower or empty the dishwasher or whatever. As a 13yo, I was regularly going around to my aunts during the school summer holidays to hold the similar aged baby as he wouldn’t be put down. Towards the end of the holidays (so when he was about 5 weeks) I would be taking him on a 20 min walk around the village to try and get him to settle for a nap. Sometimes, we’d do a second lap of the village. Most of my parenting experience before my own DC were born came from that summer and then subsequent holidays helping out as they got older.
Presumably the blankets you have are the cellular ones? If so, my recollection is that the risk is low. Has the baby been sick much? I had two DC was reflux so they were spitty/sicky babies but would always cry beforehand.