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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

13 year old watching newborn

361 replies

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:29

Am I being unreasonable?

I am not comfortable with our 13 year old DSD watching our newborn whilst we do jobs around the house. Personally my priority is the safety of the newborn and anything can happen quickly (choking, falling, suffocating) if not being watched properly. E.g. I came down and DSD was on phone whilst “watching” newborn whilst I was upstairs and DP was in the kitchen.

My DP on the other hand doesn’t see the problem in this at all.

My view is DSD can hold feed cuddle newborn as much as she wants but whilst we are supervising.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
JayJayj · 28/07/2025 22:43

Idontpostmuch · 28/07/2025 22:35

But what about long car journeys?

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Regular breaks of 30 minutes. If the baby is under 6 months then would have to do over a couple of days.

Idontpostmuch · 28/07/2025 22:35

SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 28/07/2025 20:18

It restricts their breathing, look it up, they're only meant to be in a car seat for a very limited amount of time in a 24hr period

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But what about long car journeys?

Lauralou19 · 28/07/2025 22:20

You dont need your eyes on a baby 24/7 - the most important thing is a safe place for them when you are doing jobs/having a shower/cooking etc. I was on my own after 2 days due to husbands work and my newborn was perfectly safe when I wasn’t in the room. Moses basket, playmat with toys above for the baby to look at, baby bouncer etc?

I do think we are creating extremely over anxious mums in this day and age. Im not aiming this at you but just the general pressures put on mums, especially with newborns. Life needs to go on, you need to be able to function, cook, clean, wash etc etc normally and as long as its a safe area and checked on regularly, your baby will be fine.

ByBlueLion · 28/07/2025 22:04

chocolatemuffin75 · 28/07/2025 20:19

I’ve just googled it as I was intrigued, I feel awful now, but honestly he was fine and has grew up fine, but yes it’s not recommended.

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much advice changes over time (how many of us over a certain age were put in a Moses basket to travel in the car, or didn’t have seatbelts in the back seat growing up) My eldest is now 18 and the safe sleeping guidance (including not leaving very young babies to sleep in car seats) has been around certainly since they were born. The point i was trying to make is that you don’t need to have constant eyes on a young baby as long as you are leaving them in a safe sleeping posture …the op was worried about baby choking on vomit but babies won’t choke if you leave them lying on their back on a flat,firm surface. It’s amazing what products companies try to sell to new parents as the next “must have” and i personally would be less reassured to leave my baby to sleep on that weird bean bag thing than i would on a mat or in a moses basket.

JayJayj · 28/07/2025 21:43

Hercisback1 · 28/07/2025 21:20

The photos online clearly have a divot in them. I'd not leave my child in one, but I would leave my child with a 13yo. They also don't look very safe for a baby, the harness doesn't look good and the minute they can move, they'll be tipping it over.

They are comfy versions of a baby bouncer chair. I had one for my daughter. Didn’t use it loads but if she was awake it was something different than flat on back while I ate.

Original poster
Newmum99653 · 28/07/2025 21:43

@Hercisback1 unsure what pics you’ve found, I have one currently in front of me and have also checked Google and struggling to see the divot you are referring to.

But each to their own and if you wouldn’t put your child in it, so be it

OP posts:
JayJayj · 28/07/2025 21:40

I get it. When I first had my daughter my anxiety was through the roof. Hard to concentrate. I did end up with PPD/PPA. And nearly 3 years later I still have my struggles.

It is absolutely fine for a 13 year old to be in the same room as the baby while no other adults are there. I would have my baby in the room and make tea/breakfast in the kitchen. I did run to any small sound though.

It does get easier. You will calm down. Right now your hormones are crazy. You have a brand new human to take care of. Of course you are over anxious. It’s just sometimes hard to see when you are in the thick of things.

I will say to speak to your midwife/healthvisitor if you have another visit. Talk openly about your feelings and concerns. If you feel like it’s more than just baby blues ask for help.

Good luck and congratulations.

elm26 · 28/07/2025 21:33

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:54

@Comedycook i am absolutely not joking btw me him and the Moses basket go to the toilet together

OP, kindly I think maybe you need to speak to your HV about possible post partum anxiety or similar.

If my DD was in her Moses basket, I’d happily go to toilet. I even used to leave her in it to clean the batnroom/kitchen etc (was in a flat so all same level).

You can’t keep eyes on them 24/7, it’s impossible. Your baby isn’t going to choke or suffocate unless you’re not following safety “guidelines” when caring for a newborn, feet to bottom of Moses, blanket tucked under arms etc (is it not too warm for a blanket at the min? Baby might be fine in just a babygrow).

Try and relax a little x

jannier · 28/07/2025 21:21

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:38

@rainbowunicorn well actually when he’s sick if he’s strapped into seat on his back. Possibly sick.
or blankets being accidentally pulled over face as he has animated hands.

so to say the possibility isn’t likely is interesting

Who's staring at him while your asleep? At 14 days I wouldn't have him in any seat unless driving in a car.

Hercisback1 · 28/07/2025 21:20

The photos online clearly have a divot in them. I'd not leave my child in one, but I would leave my child with a 13yo. They also don't look very safe for a baby, the harness doesn't look good and the minute they can move, they'll be tipping it over.

Original poster
Newmum99653 · 28/07/2025 21:16

@Hercisback1 they are compact solid and flat. It’s not traditional beanbag

OP posts:
chocolatemuffin75 · 28/07/2025 21:16

Newmum99653 · 28/07/2025 20:52

@chocolatemuffin75 honestly I wouldn’t feel bad, so much of the current advice has changed from even my nieces and nephews being born 6-7 years ago. We would have followed the advice from family if we hadn’t gone to an antenatal class and that would have been completely different to what we were taught x

Yes I imagine so much information has changed since the year 2000

Jumpers4goalposts · 28/07/2025 21:13

You are being so OTT.

Hercisback1 · 28/07/2025 21:09

Those baby bean bags are not safe.

I can't believe you strap your baby into one of those, yet won't let a 13yo watch her.

They need to be laid on a hard flat surface on their back.

I think you need to consider your attitude to risk and research what is actually safe.

itsgettingweird · 28/07/2025 21:09

Of course yabu.

How do you think those of us without older children managed?

Original poster
Newmum99653 · 28/07/2025 21:01

@SixteenClovesOfGarlic I used to work for a babies and nursery department (it’s been quite a while) but I believe it’s no more than 2 hours, due to breathing and also due to the fact their spine should be curved for a long period of time

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum99653 · 28/07/2025 20:58

@PassOnThat Thank you, I appreciate the advice. I definitely feel I’ve been a bit OTT so I can breathe a bit but I do agree on the holding and picking up x

OP posts:
MyLittleNest · 28/07/2025 20:57

I'd use your judgment. Some children are more mature and responsible at that age than others. When I was 12, I would babysit more than one family of four kids under age five, one with a newborn too, cook them all dinner, serve it, clean up, supervise play, give baths, do bedtime, and tidy the house.

That was me...But at 13, I wouldn't even leave my DC alone with the dog!

Original poster
Newmum99653 · 28/07/2025 20:52

@chocolatemuffin75 honestly I wouldn’t feel bad, so much of the current advice has changed from even my nieces and nephews being born 6-7 years ago. We would have followed the advice from family if we hadn’t gone to an antenatal class and that would have been completely different to what we were taught x

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum99653 · 28/07/2025 20:49

@RubySquid
Can I just explain by “watched” I don’t mean watched for every second of every minute, I just mean keeping an eye on and being vigilant

the sleeping thing was a bit of sarcasm. Apologies as it was not necessarily taken like this from a lot of people. I absolutely do not stay up all night watching him. I will say I do easily wake at noises though which isn’t ideal but isn’t due to worry it’s because I’m a light sleeper

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum99653 · 28/07/2025 20:46

@ByBlueLion sorry should have been clearer, it’s a tutti bambini beanbag (suitable from birth) we don’t keep him in there for long periods just for a change of scenery.

OP posts:
Greeksummerholiday · 28/07/2025 20:46

You are 1000% not being unreasonable if your instinct is saying you need to supervise DSD. No one else knows your family except for you - I think you must trust your gut on this one

RubySquid · 28/07/2025 20:39

cadburyegg · 27/07/2025 14:43

If the baby is awake he/she needs to be watched by a competent adult. Sounds like your DSD doesn’t fit the bill as she isn’t interested (fair enough, she’s 13).

A sleeping baby can be watched by anyone.

I agree your anxiety is OTT. It’s not necessary to watch a sleeping baby 24/7. You will make yourself ill from sleep deprivation if someone really is awake all night.

If you have another baby, you simply won’t have the luxury of doing this.

Why does an awake baby of a fort ight old actually need watching constantly. What do you imagine they will do?

YourAquaLion · 28/07/2025 20:38

What about wearing your newborn in a sling while you go about your day? Then you know exactly how they are all the time. Mine hates being put down so that’s the only way i
got anything done, or just did a lot of things one handed while I held him with the other 😎