13 year old watching newborn

YANBU. Your Baby, your vote is the casting vote.

Says who, you?

There you go OP, it's official.

A random on the internet says you're the most important parent and bugger what the other one wants 🙄

I am old, but posts like this, combined with the "my teenager is so anxious and cannot leave my side" make me so sad. What are we doing to everyones mental health with all this insane worry.

I do remember staring at my newborn like he was the best telly programme imaginable for the first few days.

Longer than a few days!

A friend once said "what do you do all day?"

"Erm, cuddle & admire my baby"😂

When I first glanced at title of thread I assumed you meant while you were out, and of course 13 is too young, although I've known 13 and even 12 yr olds left to look after children. But while you're in the house?? Come on, you're being over protective. Your hormones are probably still all over the place.

Another one who thinks you sound anxious.
Most people will leave their baby in a Moses basket and..
Take a nap on the sofa
Read a book
Hoover
Wash there hair ect ect.
You’ll burn out otherwise, who told you that you have to stay awake and have eyes on them the entire time?

He’s leaving the baby with the 13 year old while he is in the kitchen - the next room. It’s not parentifying because if OP is upstairs and the father is in the kitchen the baby has two parents nearby and is perfectly fine with or without the 13 year old, phone or not. He’s not leaving the 13 year old in sole charge all day.

I’d be very careful with the “your baby you get the casting vote” thing - it’s his baby too. Pushing him out at this stage, especially given he’s been entirely reasonable, will just lead to complaints in a few months or years about being the default parent…

My 13 year old (boy) has been watching my newborn since he was born. This morning I got a whole lot of housework done, had a shower etc while 13 year old hung out with baby.

So that was great for me, but also great for my 13 year old. He feels very proud and empowered being trusted to hold the baby. We just make it clear "you can always pop him the cot if you need to put him down, he will be safe even if he's crying".

it's really very good for the older child to learn about babies, bond with them etc. I mean I wouldn't be going out for 6 hours and leaving him in charge or anything, but just around the house it's a great thing for everyone. I love that he is so keen to be hands on with his baby brother.

Would you feel more comfortable if you had a chat with DSD about calling you or DH if the baby wakes, or chokes, or coughs? You feel your sleep is so light that you would wake if baby stirs but you don't think DSD would notice?

Although the OP is over the top, I do remember staring at my newborn like he was the best telly programme imaginable for the first few days.

I think by two weeks the dad is often back at work & the mum is getting on with whatever needs doing whilst leaving baby nearby.

Congratulations on your new baby 🎈 ..
You’re just a little anxious is all x ..
If you & your husband are doing jobs around the house , can’t you guys be in & out to the living room to keep a check …

Nothing wrong with blankets. What do you think people used before these sleeping bags were a thing.

Oh dear.

Well, going by those rules, it's her partner's baby too so, if he is happy to ask his daughter to watch the baby, it's all good.

His baby; his rules. Right?

YABU for having a baby with a man who already has a teenager.

It’s going swimmingly a fortnight in, I can see…

Good luck OP.

Do you never go to the loo or have a shower without another adult with the baby?

No, it’s also the father’s baby and there’s literally no reason she gets to dictate everything to do with the baby.

Of course she can watch the baby and sit on her phone. Do you literally sit staring at the baby 24/7?

Jesus wept.

@RedSeveni also didn't say you'd told DSD off. I said it was ridiculous that you 'raised' the point of being on her phone to her dad.

YANBU. Your Baby, your vote is the casting vote. On the phone doesn’t only mean conducting a call with eyes on baby and surroundings; it presumably could also involve paying full attention to the screen. Phones in 2025 are an attention black hole. Due attention is a reasonable requirement for being alone with a Baby of any age. If DSD was the one keen to do it she would probably view it as a privilege. From your post, it sounds like DP sounds like he is making a convenience out of his elder child. He is doing DSD no favours by parentifying her. Very reasonable concerns to have.

I was expecting to read babysitting. Kids used to babysit at that age some younger. I had dc in the late nineties and early 00’s step daughter used to ask to take ds out she was 12/13. I know she used to take a little girl out but I said no you’re not old enough.

But in the house while you are there is fine. Just tell her not to pick her up if she cries and to come and get one of you if she does. Older siblings can be a great extra pair of hands keeping baby entertained while you are somewhere else.

While I agree she’s probably perfectly capable of keeping an eye on him, it sounds like she doesn’t actually want to be left minding him? In which case it’s shitty of your partner to keep doing that

Huh? So she can't cuddle or bond with the baby as much as she wants then because there has to be an adult around?

but you suddenly want her to be responsible enough to watch baby?

yeah I feel for this kid.

your shiny new baby is no more important than her.

Ok, well that's two of us who weren't entirely sure whether you were being sarcastic or not.

I think that should give you some indication of whether the rest of your approach to this is within the usual parameters.of 'normal'.

Because, yes, the idea that you tag tem sleeping (or however it would have been achieved) so that a responsible adult was always watching the baby sounds bonkers. But it also really doesn't sound all that different to carrying the baby upstairs in a moses basket everytime you go to the loo or not allowing a teenage sibling to be alone in the same room as the baby etc.

if I had a sling I probably would also be wearing him in a sling 24/7. I would say I watch him the majority of the day through pure enjoyment even if he is sleeping. God forbid I would want my child to be safe and well

You are being ridiculous. What about when you have other kids? We had newborns with toddlers chucking 2yo tantrums, other toddlers toilet training and needling to go ‘now’ (within a second), young kids excitedly needing you to tell you about their day at school etc etc etc etc. You don’t need to watch newborns 24/7. You can go to the toilet for 20mins without taking them with you (how bizarre - although good luck with that with a toddler, you can’t go for 2 seconds without them being there🫤). They are safe and well without you having eyes glued on them, while dealing with other stuff, be that a prolonged toilet trip, a shower, toilet training siblings, or paying attention to other kids with stuff. You are in for one hell of a ride with the way you are going.