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AIBU?

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Original poster

13 year old watching newborn

361 replies

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:29

Am I being unreasonable?

I am not comfortable with our 13 year old DSD watching our newborn whilst we do jobs around the house. Personally my priority is the safety of the newborn and anything can happen quickly (choking, falling, suffocating) if not being watched properly. E.g. I came down and DSD was on phone whilst “watching” newborn whilst I was upstairs and DP was in the kitchen.

My DP on the other hand doesn’t see the problem in this at all.

My view is DSD can hold feed cuddle newborn as much as she wants but whilst we are supervising.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Original poster
Newmum99653 · 01/08/2025 09:25

@Cherrytree86 thank you for actually taking the time to understand what i had explained in the post. I’m not suggesting anyone have their eyes glued onto my child 24/7 but a teenager who’s main interest is their friends and social media is likely to be engrossed by their phone rather than just lightly scrolling. For the 50th time for the others that aren’t reading through my comments 😂 I’m very aware this is NORMAL teenage behaviour, I am simply stating my worry was that DSD is likely to not actively check on child or have much awareness to their surrounding when glued to phone.

surely those with teenagers will understand, it’s bloody impossible to get a conversation out of them let alone anything else if phone is involved

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum99653 · 01/08/2025 09:19

Newmum99653 · 01/08/2025 09:16

@Barnbrack @RubySquid
well what was just shared regarding the times is not what lullaby trust/NHS share.

see link below

https://www.mkuh.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Car-Seat-Factsheet.pdf

@RubySquid you are sharing incorrect information on this thread, so I would check the sources you are using.

@Barnbrack I worked on a nursery/baby department either way 15 years ago but it looks like the guidance has not changed. Never the less I’d suggest you fact check beforehand trying to shoot people down on forums

@Barnbrack @RubySquid id also like to mention if you kept track of the post, I’m not even referring to a car seat… so the above chain of conversation is completely irrelevant to what I was discussing. I was simply explaining what I understood to be the limit on car seat timings, to which i was correct

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum99653 · 01/08/2025 09:16

@Barnbrack @RubySquid
well what was just shared regarding the times is not what lullaby trust/NHS share.

see link below

https://www.mkuh.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Car-Seat-Factsheet.pdf

@RubySquid you are sharing incorrect information on this thread, so I would check the sources you are using.

@Barnbrack I worked on a nursery/baby department either way 15 years ago but it looks like the guidance has not changed. Never the less I’d suggest you fact check beforehand trying to shoot people down on forums

https://www.mkuh.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/Car-Seat-Factsheet.pdf

OP posts:
Cherrytree86 · 01/08/2025 08:19

Jk987 · 31/07/2025 22:52

This is ridiculous. I was on my phone sometimes while baby was on the floor playing with toys.

@Newmum99653

surely that’s ok though in OP’s view though? She’s not saying you need your eyes glued on baby when you’re in same room as them

Barnbrack · 01/08/2025 08:14

RubySquid · 01/08/2025 08:09

Most likely as I said my DD didn't get given it for her 8 year old.

But it was more in reply to the " shock horror" reaction of my earlier post that the advice used to be 2 hours

Edited
Show quote history

Yeah but 8 hrs is a long time. I am horrified that op who says she worked with babies isn't more up to date. Especially when anxious generally.

RubySquid · 01/08/2025 08:09

Barnbrack · 01/08/2025 07:06

My eldest is 7 so this makes sense

However the ops baby is a newborn so if I had this advice 7 and 4 yes ago surely she knows it now?

Show quote history

Most likely as I said my DD didn't get given it for her 8 year old.

But it was more in reply to the " shock horror" reaction of my earlier post that the advice used to be 2 hours

Barnbrack · 01/08/2025 07:06

RubySquid · 31/07/2025 22:45

The "30-minute rule" for newborns in car seats is not a formal law, but rather a clinical guideline that has evolved in response to emerging research, particularly from the 2015–2020 period onward.
🕰️ Timeline of Development:
📍Before 2010:

  • The general advice was the "2-hour rule" for all infants.
  • Car seats were commonly used for long periods, even for sleep and feeding.
📍2010–2015:
  • Increased focus on positional asphyxia and SIDS risk led to scrutiny of car seat usage.
  • Studies started identifying problems with oxygen saturation in car seats during prolonged use.
📍2015–2017:
  • UK-based studies (e.g., by the University of Bristol & Great Western Hospitals NHS) found that infants under 4 weeks showed signs of oxygen desaturation and bradycardia after just 30 minutes in a car seat.
  • These findings led several NHS Trusts to revise their discharge and travel advice for newborns.
📍2017–2020:
  • Hospitals began issuing newborn discharge instructions limiting car seat use to 30 minutes at a time.
  • The Lullaby Trust and similar organizations began referencing shorter timeframes for very young babies.
  • Some car seat manufacturers started including similar warnings in their product manuals.
📍2020–Present:
  • The 30-minute guideline is now commonly included in:
  • UK NHS hospital policies
  • NICU discharge protocols
  • Public health campaigns about safe infant travel
  • It’s increasingly acknowledged across Europe and North America, especially for infants under 4 weeks or preemies

So very recently really this 30 mins advice. Wasn't give when my DGS was born 8 years ago

My eldest is 7 so this makes sense

However the ops baby is a newborn so if I had this advice 7 and 4 yes ago surely she knows it now?

Jk987 · 31/07/2025 22:52

This is ridiculous. I was on my phone sometimes while baby was on the floor playing with toys.

RubySquid · 31/07/2025 22:45

The "30-minute rule" for newborns in car seats is not a formal law, but rather a clinical guideline that has evolved in response to emerging research, particularly from the 2015–2020 period onward.
🕰️ Timeline of Development:
📍Before 2010:

  • The general advice was the "2-hour rule" for all infants.
  • Car seats were commonly used for long periods, even for sleep and feeding.
📍2010–2015:
  • Increased focus on positional asphyxia and SIDS risk led to scrutiny of car seat usage.
  • Studies started identifying problems with oxygen saturation in car seats during prolonged use.
📍2015–2017:
  • UK-based studies (e.g., by the University of Bristol & Great Western Hospitals NHS) found that infants under 4 weeks showed signs of oxygen desaturation and bradycardia after just 30 minutes in a car seat.
  • These findings led several NHS Trusts to revise their discharge and travel advice for newborns.
📍2017–2020:
  • Hospitals began issuing newborn discharge instructions limiting car seat use to 30 minutes at a time.
  • The Lullaby Trust and similar organizations began referencing shorter timeframes for very young babies.
  • Some car seat manufacturers started including similar warnings in their product manuals.
📍2020–Present:
  • The 30-minute guideline is now commonly included in:
  • UK NHS hospital policies
  • NICU discharge protocols
  • Public health campaigns about safe infant travel
  • It’s increasingly acknowledged across Europe and North America, especially for infants under 4 weeks or preemies

So very recently really this 30 mins advice. Wasn't give when my DGS was born 8 years ago

Barnbrack · 31/07/2025 22:43

RubySquid · 31/07/2025 22:42

I dont have a clue. All I know is that you werent meant to leave babies in car seats for more than. 2 hours

Show quote history

It's currently 30 minutes

RubySquid · 31/07/2025 22:42

Barnbrack · 31/07/2025 22:35

To leave them 2 hours? As newborns? That's mad. Has no-one here heard of positional asphyxiation.

Show quote history

I dont have a clue. All I know is that you werent meant to leave babies in car seats for more than. 2 hours

Barnbrack · 31/07/2025 22:35

RubySquid · 31/07/2025 22:34

That did used to be the advice

Show quote history

To leave them 2 hours? As newborns? That's mad. Has no-one here heard of positional asphyxiation.

RubySquid · 31/07/2025 22:34

Barnbrack · 31/07/2025 21:32

You're not strapping a newborn into a seat for 2 hours are you? That's dangerous for their breathing and bad for their spine.

Show quote history

That did used to be the advice

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 31/07/2025 22:22

MeridaBrave · 31/07/2025 22:10

If you are in the house it’s fine. You can leave a newborn in a cot / crib and leave the room and it’s still fine.

Don't bother even trying @MeridaBrave

MeridaBrave · 31/07/2025 22:10

If you are in the house it’s fine. You can leave a newborn in a cot / crib and leave the room and it’s still fine.

Original poster
Newmum99653 · 31/07/2025 21:36

@Barnbrack @jannier you will need to catch up on full post to understand context of the full thread.
However it’s pretty much at end of convo my side but will keep it open for anyone who can be bothered to read through it

OP posts:
Barnbrack · 31/07/2025 21:32

Newmum99653 · 28/07/2025 21:01

@SixteenClovesOfGarlic I used to work for a babies and nursery department (it’s been quite a while) but I believe it’s no more than 2 hours, due to breathing and also due to the fact their spine should be curved for a long period of time

You're not strapping a newborn into a seat for 2 hours are you? That's dangerous for their breathing and bad for their spine.

jannier · 31/07/2025 07:11

Op I'm confused who is staring at your baby while your reading your phone right now? Do you sit dad in front of baby and make sure he can't be distracted by the TV or his phone so you can use yours?

VickiG85 · 30/07/2025 19:05

I have a 6 month old and couldn’t watch him all the time. And yes you sleep lighter but you still sleep with your eyes closed.
newborns shouldn’t have blankets so their hands can be animated so remove those if the little one isn’t swaddled.

a 13 yr old is completely fine to be in the same room and on their phone - are you never on your phone with your baby?

try to relax - it’s really hard with a new born but be grateful for someone else offering to look after the baby and have some rest!

Babyboomtastic · 29/07/2025 20:02

Newmum99653 · 29/07/2025 18:16

@Babyboomtastic I don’t seem to think that all mothers on here have more than one, I’m simply stating what I’ve been advised and assured. If that was not you, then simply read and move on.

I didnt say I was anxious about her being on her phone, I simply used it as an example of her interests being her phone and her friends. Not a newborn, which I’m not holding her fault for. I was the same as a teen, but I’m stating that I’d feel comfortable with someone I knew was actively checking in that everything was okay. I have also held my hands up and admitted it is OTT of me. So I’m confused as to what more you have to say on this? I said exactly what I posted in the original post, and quite frankly the midwife laughed at some of the “OTT” responses that had been received. It’s okay if others don’t agree with the same opinion you have, the same way it’s fine if people don’t agree with my opinion.

My baby is not a month my baby is now 3 weeks actually. My SDS is 13 and 14 in November… if your are referring my previous post I was attempting to keep all those involved as anonymous as possible incase it was read by any whom may know us. But you’re welcome to continue to whatever narrative that suits you, to allow you to be a t**t to others over the internet.

But you’ve made it very obvious, your real issue is the fact I’m a step parent so rather than address the real issues or statements that have been made. You are strung on this being a DSD when it is not.

Edited

I get anonymity, but it didn't really make sense - It would have meant when you posted 2 weeks ago about your baby being 2 weeks old, giving a pretty detailed timeline, including a few visits to hospital, getting into a routine and doing ok and then your SD coming for 4 days, that was all the first week, which doesn't really add up. Hence why I think your baby is older than you are saying. But in any event, if baby is 2 weeks or 4 weeks (or 6m) it makes little difference. If SD is 14 not 13, then it makes little difference, as there's nothing wrong with her being in the room either way.

I have no idea why you think I have an issue with your being a step parent - I have none. I'm not a step mother, not a step child, I'm not a single parent. I've got zero beef here. But it just doesn't sound as if you are treating her as a teenage girl of the family to me.

I occasionally looked after my nieces and nephews as tiny newborns, knew how to give a bottle, wind them, pick them up safely etc. The idea of not even getting trusted to be in the same room, like I'm a toddler or a dog, is baffling to me.

Yes, it was the, 90's and people weren't so hot on risk, but at 13 I helped out in church and had my own Sunday school class of 20 kids, which I looked after by myself (sometimes I had a helper in her 80's). Baffling now how anyone thought that was alright though. Until recently, teenage girls were the main supply of babysitters! And older kids are a lot harder to look after than a newborn.

But it's upto you. If you prefer to cart your baby up and down stairs when you pop to the toilet, because you believe that the likelihood of you tripping and dropping baby, is less than her, IDK spontaneously combusting by being left unattended or with a teenager for a couple of minutes, then that's your choice.

Lauralou19 · 29/07/2025 18:59

liveforsummer · 29/07/2025 12:05

The point is you can do all these things without him being watched by another adult. Baby does not need eyes on all the time. Especially during summer where you won’t be needing additional blankets etc which are about the only small risk of you leave baby safely sleeping or chilling at this age. I was on my own with mine from the start and at times dd age 3 was the one to need to come and tell me if they needed something so I’d certainly expect a 13 yo to be fine

Show quote history

I was also on my own alot of the time from the start due to DH’s job (even more respect yo those Mum’s totally on their own). I do actually look back and see the huge positive that I got into a routine very fast, naps were essential in the moses basket then cot (never missed one as those two or sometimes three hours every morning of my own time massively helped me). No family nearby - obviously they visited us when they could. When you have no choice but to get on, you just do it. When our youngest started to move, I used a playpen in the morning to get our eldest ready for pre-school. I never liked the look of them before becoming a Mum…how we change when we have to get a 3 year old to pre school before 9 with a baby! 😅

Original poster
Newmum99653 · 29/07/2025 18:16

@Babyboomtastic I don’t seem to think that all mothers on here have more than one, I’m simply stating what I’ve been advised and assured. If that was not you, then simply read and move on.

I didnt say I was anxious about her being on her phone, I simply used it as an example of her interests being her phone and her friends. Not a newborn, which I’m not holding her fault for. I was the same as a teen, but I’m stating that I’d feel comfortable with someone I knew was actively checking in that everything was okay. I have also held my hands up and admitted it is OTT of me. So I’m confused as to what more you have to say on this? I said exactly what I posted in the original post, and quite frankly the midwife laughed at some of the “OTT” responses that had been received. It’s okay if others don’t agree with the same opinion you have, the same way it’s fine if people don’t agree with my opinion.

My baby is not a month my baby is now 3 weeks actually. My SDS is 13 and 14 in November… if your are referring my previous post I was attempting to keep all those involved as anonymous as possible incase it was read by any whom may know us. But you’re welcome to continue to whatever narrative that suits you, to allow you to be a t**t to others over the internet.

But you’ve made it very obvious, your real issue is the fact I’m a step parent so rather than address the real issues or statements that have been made. You are strung on this being a DSD when it is not.

OP posts:
FinchAddict · 29/07/2025 14:19

It's totally fine to be protective of your newborn, especially as a first time mum. I would be cautious about my daughter feeling like she was being asked to babysit if I had her watching a new baby sibling while I did longer chores. I'd include DSD by bringing her alongside, having her help if she wants to and by doing short duration watching while building both your confidence. Also, I wanted to spend all the time sat with my baby when they were this tiny, there's no shame in that.

It doesn't have to be long duration or nothing, or long duration straight away. It can absolutely build up over time.

Babyboomtastic · 29/07/2025 14:05

I think you seen to think that because lots of us have had more then one baby, that our concerns about PNA are irrelevant as your level of worry is standard.

In order to get to neglected second born we've had to have precious first born first, and many of us do remember and are still concerned. It's not like you'd are even leaving the SD in charge, she's just in the same room! Getting anxious about her being on her phone in the same room as the baby IS ridiculous. Did you explain this now to the midwife or was it more nervous 'I'm about about my SD looking after baby'.

Also, your baby is a month and your SD 14 right, not 2 weeks and 13? Have you made both younger to try to get more sympathetic replies?

If it's just this that you are anxious about then maybe it's more any the relationship you have with your SD than anxiety. Is she more of a family member or a random kid that happens to be your husband's?

Dorsetindeed · 29/07/2025 13:50

Newmum99653 · 27/07/2025 12:33

Baby is 14 days old.

In that case leave housework etc up to other people and enjoy your newborn cuddles, this time flies by.