Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

18 yr old taking the p**s

134 replies

Dizzydoodle · 27/07/2025 11:21

So my child has always been untidy and it really gets me down. I went upto their room and omg, the smell and mess, I was nearly sick. There wasn't a bit of floor you could see. I don't allow food or drink upstairs.

I initially gave the weekend to clean/remove all rubbish/tidy the room. This I reluctantly extended to the Tuesday.

That passed, so I said you have until the weekend to get it done or you swap rooms with your sibling. Saturday came and is still not done. That was 7 days.

Come the move around, they have banged about, sulked, stropped, cried, and still not done it. There is still rubbish. Eventually, a bin bag came downstairs, but still finding rubbish.

They tried to leave some for their sibling to do , but it was rubbish and dirty laundry. 🤢 They went to a friends for 2 nights yesterday so I sent a message last night saying to be home by 12 today or not to bother coming back.

Not appeared as yet.

Husbands family say I'm being unreasonable, and said it's down to bad parenting they're like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dizzydoodle · 27/07/2025 11:45

DumpedByText · 27/07/2025 11:36

Do you pay for their phone? My DD is 18, she lives by my house rules or I'll cancel her phone. I work full time, and some weekends. I give her jobs to do, not loads, keep room tidy, empty/fill dishwasher, hoover.

She knows I mean business if she doesn't do them. It's half an hour out of her day, granted she does them 10 minutes before I get home though!

You need to get tough, switch WiFi off, or change the password, threaten to cancel their phone and always follow through. It's your house, so your rules!

Yes I pay for their phone and tablet. I do leave little jobs like that also, unload the dishwasher and drainer, wipe the kitchen sides. Might ask to put the vac round if I've been busy. I work full time too and generally out by 7.30, getting back around 4.30.

Definitely taking the devices away.

OP posts:
TheCoralEagle · 27/07/2025 11:43

Your parenting/consequences sound haphazard, ott and harmful.

In two weeks you've threatened to take their room, done it and then also essentially threatened to kick them out of the home entirely. At 18 years old. Crimes - being messy and missing a curfew. It's awful behaviour from you op.

Do not underestimate the damage you will do to your relationship with your child. Casually threatening them with homelessness will never be forgotten by them, even if it is by you and is only said in temper.

Dh was constantly threatened with similar from age 16...any argument, any time he didn't do exactly as his mother wanted, it was 'well xyz or don't even come home again'. He moved out at 18 because he couldn't deal with the lack of security and constant threats. His crimes were an untidy bedroom. Leaving his towel on the bathroom floor. A girlfriend MIL didn't like. Choosing A Levels MIL disagreed with. He wasn't out doing drugs or anything awful.

His relationship with his mum now is...polite. Because he hates drama and is a kind man. He'd never 'have it out' with her, tell her how much damage she did to him or do anything to purposely upset her. But she lives 20 minutes away and has no real or meaningful part of our lives and a superficial relationship with her dgc at best...the eldest of whom is 17.

She would chuckle at their 'teenage drama' type arguments from years ago when she'd threaten to put dh's stuff in a bin bag. Dh is in his 40's and has very different memories of how that felt. MIL has no concept of just how low dh's opinion is of her as a parent or of how he's purposefully kept his children at arms length for years due to her behaviour towards him as a teen. He doesn't trust her as far as he could throw her.

skippy67 · 27/07/2025 11:41

CherryYellowCouch · 27/07/2025 11:40

If It’s really bad then they might be finding it a bit overwhelming knowing where to start.

it would have been better to go in with them, give some directions and a bit of help to start till they go going.

Threatening your child with homelessness due to a messy room is unacceptable parenting.

I agree with all of this.

CherryYellowCouch · 27/07/2025 11:40

If It’s really bad then they might be finding it a bit overwhelming knowing where to start.

it would have been better to go in with them, give some directions and a bit of help to start till they go going.

Threatening your child with homelessness due to a messy room is unacceptable parenting.

DumpedByText · 27/07/2025 11:36

Do you pay for their phone? My DD is 18, she lives by my house rules or I'll cancel her phone. I work full time, and some weekends. I give her jobs to do, not loads, keep room tidy, empty/fill dishwasher, hoover.

She knows I mean business if she doesn't do them. It's half an hour out of her day, granted she does them 10 minutes before I get home though!

You need to get tough, switch WiFi off, or change the password, threaten to cancel their phone and always follow through. It's your house, so your rules!

Original poster
Dizzydoodle · 27/07/2025 11:32

RosesAndHellebores · 27/07/2025 11:25

How long had it been between checks. At 18 mine needed to keep on top of things daily.

To tell your 18 year old to be home by 12 or not bother returning is dreadful.

Told daily to bring down washing and to tidy. I didn't like going too much, trying to give independence and responsibility.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dizzydoodle · 27/07/2025 11:27

MikeRafone · 27/07/2025 11:24

well if its down to bad parenting why isn't your other child the same with their bedroom? I take it they are not as bad?

The other bedrooms are bit messy at times but played in and usually tidied by bedtime, other siblings are younger. They never take food up to their rooms.

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 27/07/2025 11:25

How long had it been between checks. At 18 mine needed to keep on top of things daily.

To tell your 18 year old to be home by 12 or not bother returning is dreadful.

MikeRafone · 27/07/2025 11:24

well if its down to bad parenting why isn't your other child the same with their bedroom? I take it they are not as bad?

Swipe left for the next trending thread