18 yr old taking the p**s

The IQ is limited on here

Op this exact thread was posted last week by another pp and the op was royally bollocked for not being strict enough!!!!!!

It’s a joke.

You have quite rightly said if you can’t respect our house, and the small number of rules we have then please do find yourself another house that will better suit you. There are plenty of places one could suggest.

The infantilising going on this thread is ridiculous. Show him how to fold his pants. Show her very gently how to pick up a towel 🙄🙄🙄
JFC!!!!

Op you are not being remotely reasonable.

Entirely unacceptable - you don’t run a doss house and they need to show you, DH and your home some respect.

Are they in education or earning? Could they make a contribution to the house (costs, chore rota)? Why are you paying for their devices? He’d be in for a rude awakening if he entered a flat share or started to live with a partner!

This. Tell them you will be bagging up the mess and filth on x day and putting the bin bags in the garden.

Then do it.

Other than that, stop the payments and stop enabling her.

This ^^
but keep working with them on keeping a decent clean space. Saturday morning routine? Your house your rules, it’s being a parent!

You’ve been a bit harsh with the threat but I can sense your frustration.
One of the joys of parenting. 😩🤷‍♀️

We've got similar rules to @diddl - no food in the room, laundry in the basket.

I've learned to fight the battles I can win. I've put lego, magazines, books etc on his bed when he was about 13 years old as I lost patience with nagging - worked for a while.

But I eventually learned to make it into a joke. So I'll walk past his room saying 'get your clothes off the floor soldier' then on the way back say ' dust, sonny Jim, dust!' in a sergeant major voice. It's not worth spoiling a good relationship for in my opinion.

He's now 18 and his room isn't too bad - some of the surfaces could do with a more frequent dust down. His desk? What desk - you seriously can't see it for books, pens etc. He changes his bed and makes it every morning.

Every so often he'll give us the shock of our lives as we hear the hoover going upstairs and think we have a cleaning burglar or someone's cloned our son!

It's not my idea of 'clean' but there's no bugs, no smells and I don't have to slam the door shut if we have visitors so I'll go with that.

Once a month or so we'll have a blitz. The two of us put on some music and he'll clean and I'll supervise - I don't clean for him. He's old enough. It's like he just doesn't see the 'mess' unless I draw a finger along his desk and show him dust! But I don't always like my DH's level of cleaning so does that make me picky??

DS knows how to clean, it's just not a priority yet. This summer it's all about meeting his mates - it's their final summer together - I'm not going to stop that, friends are precious. Cleaning can wait. I imagine, once I've blitzed his room after he goes to uni, I'll be waiting for the day when I can say 'get your clothes off the floor' again.

I was exactly the same at his age and now my home isn't neat as a pin but it is clean enough that, if a friend turned up unexpectedly, they wouldn't recoil in disgust.

As for preparation for university? He can cook, clean, wash and iron. If his room is a mess he'll have to live in it - he knows what to do. And hopefully he'll sometimes hear Sergeant Major mum in his head!

I'd say it's time for a chat about some easy ground rules, a hug and try again. And keep trying - I've learned that one specific instruction at a time is all that some teenagers (and DH's come to that) can cope with!

Why rats? They only go where there is food.

Getting dumped, hopefully!

Yep, rats or mice. OP says her daughter's room stinks and you can smell it all down the stairs. I was sharing with flatmates at 17 and they definitely would have chucked my stuff out the window if I'd chosen to live like a pig.

Op most of these posts haven’t got older teens or adult children. They know how to tidy, clean and organise their space - they just choose not to.

Op you have a right to expect minimum standards in your own home. They are adult now and sometimes you have to lay out exactly what is expected.

You are offering a lovely home. You are supporting them. Basic respect is not much to ask.

Probably over to one set of grandparents for a while. He's actually looking to move out part of the week soon due to starting a new college course which has been discussed with them and they are fine with it as long as he follows their rules...he knows he is welcome here too and that we love him and his three younger siblings but they all have to respect the family rules.

I am not lecturing op!!!!!

You will end up with an infestation of rats. That is not a solution!

Well you haven't suggested anything either!

At 18 it would be beyond ridiculous to teach them how to tidy!! Patronising and likely to cause more problems!

@101Alsatians I think you mean bigger ugly fish to fry. (If you know, you know 😁).

Op I am sorry you face had so many pious and unhelpful comments. Not one of these so called parents have actually suggested how you manage it.

You haven’t damaged your adult child by putting your foot down.

My younger son is quite messy and a bit slow to bring cups etc downstairs but my goodness when his gf came to visit for the first time he was like a whirling dervish getting everything spotless. She’s not local so I look forward to her next stay. Both my boys turn into Aggie and Kim when their gf’s stay 😁

Way OTT for a messy room. Not like it's drugs,violence,intimidation etc.

Sending that message also makes you sound a bit dramatic and immature.

I was exactly the same as a teen and if I'm totally honest until my early 20s. I am still not a naturally tidy person but I am much better.

My mum would react similarly to you when it got too chaotic then I got overwhelmed and didn't know where to start. (When I was really in the doghouse, my elder brother or sister would sneak in and help me organise the piles I was making and losing track of.)

I have a lot of patience with my own kids cos I am no hypocrite. I have to teach them how to tidy/organise,especially with my 13 yr old as he has ASD. He tries so hard but his idea of putting laundry away is to literally shove it in a cupboard 🤣Instead of yelling,I explain why and then chat to him while we refolding together.

Bigger fish to fry etc.

What will the boyfriend's karma be?

So where would he realistically go if he packed his bags? I too hate smoking but thankfully I’ve not smelt it in the house or on him. He doesn’t smoke in the house, I wouldn't tell him to pack his bags but I would throw away his cigarettes if he smoked in the house (which he doesn’t).

Why are you making them swap rooms? I'd also be pissed if it was obvious favouritism going on.

No, but you make empty threats knowing the emotional impact they'll have when you want something. You might know you'd never do that, but your teenager doesn't really, and you know that, which is why you use it.

Eventually they will get tried of this and will probably move out, so don't use it lightly.

We have no problem with him having a few drinks at home as he's 18yo, but he's not allowed to drink unless in company. No drinking on his own. Found Buckfast bottle in his room months ago and said that he just can't do that during the day. He said he was bored! I said no, only drinking with family or friends. Otherwise due to his personality type, its a slippery slope. Then there was an incident with magic mushrooms one day...we have had our troubles. Next one down is complete opposite.

OP, set boundaries in place. It might not work immediately but try your best and see how it goes. Its not easy raising teenagers!! You have my sympathies and we all do lose our temper from time to time. I gave DS a hug and apologised for saying something which probably upset him and wasn't pleasant to hear. As parents we have to also hold up our hands and admit we don't always get it right🤷‍♀️