Friend won’t apologise

But an apology is actually an acknowledgement of the truth of a situation if that person was in the wrong. It's not just some kind of performative moment..So there is a sort of gaslighting going on here. The OP has a right to feel aggrieved I think. If she really didn't say something and has explained that then the other person is being unreasonable.. and it isn't a true friendship.

I don’t think OP has said she thinks what she said was inoffensive - only that it wasn’t meant in the way her friend took it. I don’t think it matters what was said, the point is that OP tried to clear up the misunderstanding straight away by explaining what she meant, and apologising if she’d inadvertently caused offence. She can do no more than that and if her friend chose not to accept it then that’s on her, not OP.

What has she apologised for? What did she clear up? Op won’t even hint slightly at what she said. To me that speaks volumes.

The whole situation is outing anyway. The op is not completely convinced her comment is as innocent as she insists.

The reason I ask is that I can be black and white with right and wrong and can see myself in your posts.
But you can let it go and decide that while you like to be forgiving, you need to protect yourself too.

Her eye rolling was nasty and confirms she has an issue with you.
She was not ever your friend to do that.

The more you reflect I think you will find peace in the realisation that there is no friendship to save.

Depends on what you’re apologising for though surely. If we take OP at face value she hasn’t done anything wrong. She explained the misunderstanding straight away and said she was sorry if her friend had misunderstood. Her friend insisted on continuing to misunderstand, lied to mutual friends and cut OP off. And worse than that, now she’s seemingly offered OP an olive branch which is actually a poisoned chalice. If OP accepts, it will look as though she was in the wrong and friend has magnanimously forgiven her. If she refuses, she will look petty and friend will tell everyone ‘well at least I tried’. Either way friend doesn’t have to climb down from her high horse and apologise for what, if true, is an appalling way to treat a friend. Manipulative and unpleasant. Not a friend I’d want - not least because she found it so easy to think the worst of OP even after she’d explained and apologised.

Absolutely understandable to want an apology. And very disconcerting that she won't apologise but wants to re-establish contact. I think letting her back into your like would result in more upset and drama.

So much navel gazing dude.

It's been too long. There is no way of going back to a friendship, even if she did apologise. It's been shared with too many people who all have their own opinions. It's too late.

Let it go. Be polite if you have to cross paths but she's an acquaintance now

OP been treated terribly over a misunderstanding, which she apologised for and tried to quickly clear up, of course she deserves an apology.

People are absolutely fucked up!

I read it more as OP apologising for the fact that what she said wasn’t meant in the way her friend took it, not that she was apologising for what she actually said. A ‘sorry you feel that way’ kind of apology which is entirely appropriate if OP didn’t mean what her friend thought.

Bloody hell, you can tell the egotists that don't apologise on this thread! Who knew there were so many of them? Shocking!

If someone is that subborn, even though you've made it clear she was wrong in her interpretation of what you said, then I'd give up on her. She's disrespecting you, isnt she.Wiyh some people, stubbornness is almost pathological. They just can't being themselves to apologise.

How ? She’s refused to call and apologise to OP. And if OP accepts this ‘olive branch’ it will look as though her friend is being magnanimous and forgiving when it’s nothing of the sort. It’s designed to make it look as though OP is in the wrong so that friend can smooth things over without apologising for her past behaviour towards OP. She’s no friend, she’s manipulative and a drama queen.

She hasn't offered an olive branch
That would be either acknowledging there was a mistake and she was wrong or acknowledging her behaviour was wrong
She's done neither

This woman is toxic and no friend to the Op
She's " hoovering"
Which means she is trying to get the Op back so that she can start up her tactics again

It’s very hard without knowing what exactly was said but I think you’re being very rigid in your ‘I must have an apology and nothing else is acceptable to me’ - it does come across as you’re right and it’s your way or no way.

Sometimes as adults we have agree to disagree and move on. I really can’t see that a begrudging forced apology years later benefits anyone here.

You need to make an adult decision to put this behind you and move on as friends or realise you’re done.

So you said something and she misinterpreted it. You tried to explain what you meant but she refused to listen. Am I right? If so, then fuck her right off and don’t give it a second thought anymore. Friends don’t accuse their mates of being liars unless there are significant trust issues. The fact that you tried to explain yourself and she refused to listen says it all. This person was never your friend.

I thinks she wanted to fall out with you but picked the wrong thing to do it with.

She latched on to something you said (maybe claiming you were racist or something equally awful or shocking to you) and you felt you needed to clear it up so nobody thought that of you.

But it was all a scam, and not even about what you said, she just picked that one hill to die on because she wanted to fall out with you.

Clearing up the ‘misunderstanding’ was never going to fix it. She is not going to apologise because she probably has a list of grievances against you.

She doesn’t like you or is jealous of you or there is something else going on that she doesn’t have the words to express. You are better off without someone like that in your life.

Wish her well. And move on x

She doesn’t feel that she owes you any apology. This won’t happen . Time to move on.
The best solution is that the two of you meet and agree to disagree. There is no point hashing over it because you don’t agree and will never agree. At least the awkwardness will be over. Perhaps take some old photos and remind yourselves of the good times you had together?

It sounds like you have a mindset where the only ‘closure ‘ is a situation where you are vindicated and found publicly to be in the right. This is not going to happen so you need to reframe what a good outcome could look like .

She’s no longer your friend. Be polite and breezy at events where you are together and move on with people who you get on well with.

This is lovely. We decided to fast forward til when we are friends again. ❤️

given the lack of clarity in your posts, no wonder there was confusion or misunderstanding about what was said or intended,

Am I that sort of person? Not always and not often but yes I have done it because it gave me the outcome I wanted

She’s not going to apologise so stop dwelling on it. Some people are incapable of admitting they were wrong. I think yabu to still be stewing on it and insisting on an apology all this time later. Accept the friendship is over and that it’s going to be a bit awkward and move on.

Well maybe she doesn’t want to apologise because what you said upset and hurt her regardless of your intent

On that basis why should she say sorry? Sorry for what?