AIBU to give anniversary back as I’ve been called a B***h

It really isn’t. It provides context which she’s missed out here

It's bad netiquette to bring up previous threads

Im sure she posted recently too.
she left out a lot as well.

This is your thread isn’t it ? https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5372510-stormed-out-of-family-gathering-am-i-the-holiday-wrecker?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

A weekend where family get drunk and argumentative. I wouldn't be going away with them again.

I think he shouldn't have told you. Not explicitly. He could've said his sister was being rude. But there's no need to repeat the actual insult she threw at you.

I'd hope he defended you when it happened. I guess at least you know what she thinks of you.

But it could be there's something going on in her life that is making her say mean things about others. It could be not really about you at all. Horrible as it may be.

Just try and forget about her for now. You don't need her approval and not everyone has to be your best friend. You've got your own lovely family so focus on that. X

I think it is

The in-laws from that thread sounded overly emotional and hard work (didn't the FIL start crying about a suggested trip to the park?). In this thread they sound out of order and rather extra

Exactly my thought.

Other family outside my husband don’t give me flowers and chocolates for an anniversary so at the start thats a nice thing to have done.

As always in these situations instead of vilifying you SIL on MN which is so easy maybe consider why she said that about you. I’m not saying you are not that you deserve it but only you know why she would have said that.

And it’s a word and not worth crying about which tells me there is a lot more to this story and we are only hearing you disinfected side.

Your DH should never have told you. You say he told you because it upset him but that's even more reason for him to keep it to himself.
Moreover, he should have dealt with it at the time. Told his sister it was unacceptable.
He's just stirred things up and ruined your anniversary (he did this, not your SIL as you never needed to know what she'd said).

Your husband shouldn't have told you. I have no idea why he did.
But now I would just ignore it. Don't escalate things by sending the present back. But you don't need to go out of your way to have anything to do with her in the future

So what is he going to do about it?

Sorry but if thisnis the first time you've reacted amd now he's told you in a way that spoils your anniversary and drives wedge, I think you need to question whether you're just being manipulated into riling against them.

Oh I remember this @giveflowersbackaibu you told the inlaws you were taking the kids to play and it all got out of hand. As it is the SIL’s gift I’d have to ask her why she bothered ‘if you’re such a b*tch’. But it depends on how/if you want the relationship to continue. Your husband, while
in the middle, needs to have your back. I’m not sure he knows what to do to be honest.

Your husband is spineless

Instead of standing his ground for you against his family, he took the gifts and tattle tailed to you about what she said

Doing no one any good

Now everyone is stewing

He had his chance to nip this feud in the bud, but it looks like he's a drama llama like the rest of his brood

Just coming in here to ask if it's the norm in your DH's family to do cards and flowers/gifts for family members' wedding anniversaries? And individual ones as well, not a couple gift (or only for the woman?). In a family already prone to drama and fallings out the opportunities for offense to be given and taken there must be huge, every birthday, kids birthday, Christmas, Easter, mother's day, Father's Day, add anniversaries and you must be exchanging stuff virtually every week? Is there any way to back out of all this without causing a big issue? In my family we only really celebrate round number birthdays for the adults and golden/diamond/platinum wedding anniversaries (kids obviously get something every birthday) and even then someone always forgets or doesn't contribute or buys a bad gift or in some other way causes annoyance, if we were doing it all the time I can only imagine the angst!

Your h was an idiot to tell you.

Might be best to step back and go LC. His family sound like a nightmare.

You can only control your own behaviour. I would just act coolly and cordially, and minimise occasion where tempers will flare.
‘Oh sorry, we can’t join at your house, but can do lunch out.’ ‘Oh no we can’t go back for drinks - we will see you next time.’ ‘Oh this threat to leave fil again - would you like me to find you a lawyer or will you quit the empty threats?’
Chalk up the hours of effort and care as just done and dusted, and crack on with the relationship on your terms.

Get a t-shirt that says "queen bitch" and wear it whenever you see SIL?

I'm with Madonna on this one. "I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, OK".
Or in your situation 'I stand up for my principles' or 'I won't be walked over'. Or whatever fits your specific situation.
Own it.
What makes her opinion important anyway?

Are you the poster who went on the weekend away with DH's family and was very upset because your toddler was asked to dance in another room away from the family and the dog? If so then there is more background to this than you've put on here.

Just don't bother with them anymore.

DH can take the kids to see them.on his own from now on.

So much curated story telling here.
"A comment finally came my way"
Responded via a "balanced and well written message"

Why don't you post what they said, why you flounced and what you wrote. But that probably won't get you the responses you're seeking.

All I have done is love their son, be kind to them, gifts cards and bake cakes for their birthdays, crafts from DC, be there for SIL woes at length over the last decade

Sure you have OP. You are as pure as the driven snow.

I'd say something but I'm an arsehole.
That sort of shit would really irritate me, like it has you.
I'd put a message on the family group so it couldn't be misconstrued.
"Thanks for all the gifts everyone, absolutely lovely. @ SIL thanks for the flowers and chocolate but maybe in future try to refrain from calling me a bitch to DH, it makes you sound, well, like a bitch"
Don't take my advice @giveflowersbackaibuas im always making situations worse as I can't let any slight go 😁

These people sound very high drama. Forget about them and focus on yourself, your pregnancy and your family.

Tell your husband how you want things to be with his family as you focus on the new baby, and tell him it’s his job to protect you and the baby from any nastiness or stress coming from his parents or sister - including not repeating pointless hurtful remarks.

If their gifts are stressing you out, take them to your local community centre where they can make someone happy. Or if you are still on your anniversary break, ask reception to have them and enjoy them.