AIBU to give anniversary back as I’ve been called a B***h

Give the 'gifts' to your granny.

Don't let his family near you for a long time. Tell your H to back you up. You don't need this in your life.

Eat the chocolate then chuck the flowers in the front garden and send her a picture of it!

Okay, sending someone an insult along with a gift is not normal behavior. It's crazy. These people are crazy. You know this.

So why are you so very reactive to anything they say or do?

Instead of enjoying your romantic getaway with your husband, you're trying to decide exactly what to do with the gift that was sent with the insult, as if it's in any way important. And sobbing because his crazy sister called you a bitch behind your back, as she handed him your present, as if it's in any way important.

In other words, crazy person flips, you flop. Crazy person flops, you flip. Correct?

My advice is to stop that. Step back from the crazy people and stay there. Minimal contact and zero emotional investment. Disengage from the drama.

Let crazy person flip, flop, do cartwheels or whatever. Your day continues exactly the same as it would if crazy person didn't even exist.

It really is that easy. It's just a decision that you make.

Good luck.

Give the stuff away and don't acknowledge you ever received it.

I would be tempted to dump the whole lot back on SIL's doorstep but tbh she'd probably love that because it would make you look ungrateful and add fuel to the fire. These sorts of people hate being ignored more than anything so do that in spades.

No it isn’t.

How did your husband respond to his sister? Did he stick up for you or say nothing and walk away? I’d be more annoyed that my husband didn’t back me up than the name calling itself.

I'd send her a message to say, I received the passive aggressive flowers, you really shouldn't have bothered, using my anniversary as an opportunity to be a BITCH.

Sounds like youve done nothing wrong op at the family dispute. In fact did the right thing removing yourself and child from a drunken toxic situation. Re the bitch comment and gift, your H is a prick. He shouldve just left the gift and stuck up for you and put SIL in her place. That would be it for me. No more access for her to me or children.

Thats it OP.
Say nothing but be unavailable and busy.
Leave everything to do with them to your husband going forward.
Pleasant, polite, disinterested and unavailable.
Most effective.
Drop the rope completely.

I would take great delight in shoving the flowers

through her letterbox. I’d keep the chocolate

io stop seeing them i remember your other thread theyre all madleave dh to visits and let them carry on

Do we have the same in-laws? My FIL is always making pervy remarks. He is about the only person I was uncomfortable breastfeeding in front of as he would stare at my breasts.

The whole family are bat-shit and always making comments about me.

Yes

I know I’m missing the point of the thread, but I’ve never heard of relatives giving anniversary presents. I thought that was only between the two people involved, at least it is in my world.

OP are you The Holiday Wrecker featuring the SIL Reactive Dog Vs Peppa Pig Toddler?

Agree with above @natty
They sound low class.
Suggest you step back and leave his family to him.
Drop the rope.

Families like this who bicker and feed off constant drama will suck you in if you let them. The only way to win this game is to refuse to play. Do NOT react to her comment or mention it at all. It's what she wants because she needs the confrontational. Just disengage.

Stop going above and beyond for people who want to engage you in their drama triangle. Be polite but distant. SIL can fuck off if she wants to call you a bitch then come to you for venting next time she needs a shoulder. Just give polite but neutral responses and refuse to engage further, like "oh dear that sounds difficult" "oh no hope you get it sorted soon" etc. The more you do it the better you come at spending sincere rather than passive aggressive.

You and your inlaws seem to spend a lot of time in each others lives enjoying the drama. I would back off and create a bit of distance.

As soon as anyone claims they have been well balanced or describes people as shoddy, I automatically think they’re missing out key information. Shoddy sounds so judgy. If you used that tone in your supposedly well balanced message then I can see why it may not have been well received. I’m picturing a lengthy message with lots of paragraphs pointing out their wrongdoings with half hearted bits about everyone needing to take responsibility.
Your husband should not have told you at all and at 31 weeks pregnant you are likely to take everything to heart more than ever. Don’t make any long term decisions at the moment, give the flowers and choc to Granny and have a nice time with her and don’t tell Granny they’re being re-gifted!

I remember that thread. OP was not unreasonable to leave the Airbnb and take her dd to the park after the in laws wanted her dd relegated to a different room.

Is that why you were called a bitch by SIL, OP? Sounds like they don’t like you having any agency.

I think you should continue limiting exposure to all the in laws, not just SIL.

Dh should have said something/refused gift.
throw them in the bin.

Honestly they all sound like hard work your husband included

Everyone needs to grow the fuck up