Gave cpr. Not heard anything from the victim. Is it ok to feel a little sad?

I am also a nurse who has done CPR at work. And being out of work was a completely different experience and I was wasn’t in uniform…I wasn’t ‘on call’ I was in a restaurant relaxing with family. As was the bloke who stopped breathing with his daughter and son in law screaming and shouting in panic.

I would speak with St John’s ambulance or your local ambulance service for a debrief etc.
I found it helpful speaking to colleagues.

What are expecting a commendation, your name on the local SM page! The person you helped is probably still coming to terms with what happened to them! Your post smacks of entitlement!

I don’t think op is making it all about her. She’s not a trained medic, and saw someone close to death, and helped that person to live. That’s a big thing.

OP could you gently check in on the neighbour. Maybe they don’t even know the detail of what happened. It might do you good too to see the evidence of your efforts.
If you can’t, just be assured you did a good thing. Well done x

Well done op! You have done an amazing thing!
I understand it was very stressful for you and it will take you time to process.
I was the opposite to you though……I gave CPR in a local restaurant and got him back. The owner of the restaurant rang to tell me that he was ok and after visiting him in the hospital asked if they could pass on my details to speak to say thank you.
I asked to pass on my well wishes and I’m so glad he was ok and that he was alive was thanks enough. I couldn’t bring myself to see him as that night affected me a lot but knowing he was ok was good for me.

I can believe that your experience was traumatic but I don't think the person you gave CPR to is the right person to support you. You both had very different experiences of the same event so you do not have "shared" trauma.

I don't think I would contact this lady at all. You did what needed to be done when it needed to be done. She is unlikely to have any recollection and her family may have been too distraught to even think about telling her what happened at the time. Be satisfied that you were able to do something as amazing as save a life.

Other posters have posted links to organisations who may be better able to help you process what happened so I think I would contact them.

Give it time. My husband has done it twice and the one he found that he didn’t know reached out a few weeks after following his wife reaching out to say thankyou. It meant a lot.

I do think it’s rude( not sorry for saying that).It is hugely traumatising and worruing( did I do the right thing) if it’s not your job and he had to go out on quite a limb to save this person. I think the difference between a member of the public and a professional doing it is all of us rely on the good nature of those around us as sometimes those there before professionals arrive make all the difference.

As an aside my husband also did it on my dad. He got his heart working again enough to keep him alive to get to hospital which gave us all time to get there and say goodbye. I will be forever grateful and grateful to members of the public who do this. The consultant in ICU said it often doesn’t work so he/you did good.

Hi OP, someone (a stranger) did this for a close relative of mine and although the outcome was not as happy, it did buy us more time and a better chance.

I am incredibly grateful to that person and mention often what their actions gave us that we wouldn't have had otherwise.

I am fairly sure that we asked for our thanks to be passed on and I think another relative of mine may even have made contact but honestly I was in such a state for an extended period of time that I couldn't tell you which way was up for months (and i wasn't even the one it had happened to), so I couldn't tell you with any certainty what messages were given or got through.

I do remember hearing that the person who gave CPR was enquiring about my relative's welfare once or twice and, despite my heartfelt gratitude, I also remember an extremely unreasonable feeling of wishing to be left alone as I simply couldn't cope with anything else, including basic niceties to this wonderful stranger.

It was very contradictory and completely discombobulating. I think and hope my other relative handled it much better than me and I hope that person knows how grateful I am (now, years later, in a much less fraught and complicated way!)

All of this to say, something similar may be going on here and it doesn't mean that the neighbour isn't it or won't be extremely grateful to you.

It must have been so difficult for you but you did a wonderful thing - well done and thank you!

I think this is what’s needed to be honest. The OP may be traumatised but she shouldn’t be seeking support from the person she helped. Someone needed to tell her that bluntly instead of pussyfooting around the issue. There are support groups online for this kind of thing and OP could talk it through with friends or family. Her neighbour may be traumatised herself, or may not even know it was OP who saved her. OP did a really good thing and the knowledge that she saved a life should be enough. It doesn’t need validation.

Its nastiness and ignorance also. Unless people have been in OPs position they wont understand the complex aftermath.

I’ve heard survivors of near death experiences talk about feeling violated by the attempts to save them (so many people with their hands and/or mouths on or even IN your body, depending on what procedures you end up having, and you eventually wake up knowing lots of people have done stuff to you but exactly not who or what), and the internal conflict of hating that knowledge whilst being so grateful that people went above and beyond to save you.

It’s a proper head fuck, an NDE. She will be recovering on all levels for a long while yet.

She’ll be traumatised (and possibly embarrassed) I had a seizure in front of 60 people at my old work and I asked my line manager to make an announcement to the office that no-one was to ask me about it when I got back to work. I had two weeks off over Christmas and was still upset when I went back but luckily everyone was very respectful and nice.

First of all, well done on giving the CPR and saving someone's life- that's a huge achievement, and you should be very proud of yourself 😊.

There's so many reasons why your neighbour may not have reached out, but please don't take this as a reflection on you- they may be embarrassed, as one previous poster has said, or they may be as traumatised as you are - they were on the brink of death after all; it may be that they want to forget it and move on. They may not want to relive the experience.

I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to someone about your experience, and you can talk about your feelings regarding the person you saved not reaching out to you. I think it would help massively, and then you're not dependent on the person you helped for closure, it's something you can take into your own hands, if you see what I mean.

Once again, absolutely well done for what you did, you should feel proud - I wish you all the very best moving forward 💐

This pile on on mumsnet is shameful and disgusting. What do you get out of this? Feeling superior by trying to shame others? Maybe you need therapy.

Op is allowed to express herself....whether rightly or wrongly. She went through something extremely traumatic, helped save someone's life and is trying to process the event.

Either say something constructive or leave her alone.

Nah. Nearly dying trumps Hyacinth Bucket's views on manners. The woman who nearly died can approach or not approach anyone she pleases, and nobody normal, caring or empathetic will think anything of it.

Imagine thinking that a woman who nearly died should re frame her trauma to acknowledge your feelings. This is really shockingly self absorbed.

Again, please just leave her alone. If the woman who almost died wants to find you she knows where you are. Meantime, if you need trauma counselling you should organise that.

She could possibly have a misguided sense of embarrassment but surely you're making it all about you by wanting them to check if you are ok? I've been here myself and my natural reaction wasn't to wait for them to reach out to me to see if I was ok. My natural reaction was to reach out to them and check that they were ok.

Because maybe she is rude?

I'm not dismissing her traumatic experience, I've had them myself.

That's why im advocating approaching her (after she has recovered) with an openmind and letting her know what she did for her. I know I'd appreciate that if I was in this ladys shoes. Maybe she isn't fully aware. Maybe she is. Maybe she hasn't been well enough to acknowledge what was done. Maybe she was well enough and was never going to bother. People are weird. At least op will know.

You dont owe anyone anything if they save your life but manners are important. This woman is a neighbour and awkwardness needs to be dealt with at some point.

As someone who has performed CPR many times, I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable.

She is likely to be in shock , and even if she is going to be ok long term she is surely still feeling unwell or undergoing tests/treatments etc . She may also feel embarrassed.

CPR is extremely traumatic to those performing it , especially out of hospital environment. I do feel for you. People who haven’t done it ‘don’t get it’ and she likely won’t really be thinking she needs to check on you and will be focussing on her own recovery

@Rizzlekicks123 A close family member of mine was revived by CPR in a public place. She was extremely traumatised by the situation for months afterwards. Every time she had to talk about what happened, either to an NHS professional or to a well meaning person asking about it, it reopened up that trauma for her. She would have found a card sent to her extremely intrusive. Just because this person is getting out and about, you don't know what they may be struggling with psychologically. Please leave them alone and let them continue getting better. They may reach out in time but it should be on their terms.

The woman had a major traumatic medical event and nearly died. Why would anyone expect anything of her? I can't believe people are calling her rude.

OP did a great thing and the lady is alive - that's amazing.

If OP cares that much then she could check in, I'm sure the woman will be very grateful. But why would you expect anything of someone who is clearly very, very seriously unwell and has been through a major trauma?

I didn't know that CPR came with strings attached.

It does show a level of ignorance or emotional immaturity not to acknowledge that someone tried to save your life, esp through somethibg as intimate as cpr. Your efforts were dismissed.

She seems to have recovered enough to get out and about yet you're left hanging. That's rude.

I wouldn't write a card but I'd personally approach and ask if they're OK. I'd personally let them know what I'd done for them during the emergency and gauge their reaction. It might give her a chance to explain why she hadn't been in touch. If she's dismissive...then she's a d**k. You then move on knowing you did the right thing.

I would totally feel the same as you OP. I'd feel awkward even though I didn't create the awkwardness.

@samplesalequeen , i’m so sorry. That must have been horrific and traumatic.

I’m an ex medic. I know you know this, but if someone is poorly enough to need CPR, you are battling ALL the systems of the body being at the point of fatal shutdown at once. The odds are well and truly stacked. You did incredibly well to keep going as long and as effectively as you did to give your Dad as much of a chance as you (or anyone) could. Incredibly well. I’m so sorry for your loss.

You feel someone who just had a severely traumatic medical event should be checking in on YOU to see if you're OK?

I'm sure she is grateful but the onus isn't on her to seek you out.

You did a great thing, but if you are struggling emotionally then you need to find other support - not expect the person who nearly died to reassure you.

As a Dr we were always taught if you aren't breaking ribs you aren't doing cpr properly. Being angry at what happened is natural, but not angry at op

Honestly what you did was amazing. Having spent about 4y cumulatively as an icu Dr seeing lots of our of hospital arrests I've only seen 3 that make it out of icu so your cpr must have been fab

She may not even be out of hospital some cab be on ventilators for a number of weeks and then need prolonged rehab. Can always get in touch with their family but acknowledge they're probably super traumatised

I assume they'll be charities that support people like you on Google but I'm not sure off the top of my head. Well done though that's super impressive!