Gave cpr. Not heard anything from the victim. Is it ok to feel a little sad?

You say she is owed nothing but she literally saved their life. If she didnt do what she did the person would be dead!
Know if someone saved my life I would be thanking them and at least taking them round some chocolates and flowers or something.
Although as it's still recent maybe she still will do that

@Rizzlekicks123 I don't think you are being unreasonable and if I was the person whose life you had saved I would definitely want to say thankyou. However its such a personal thing that the lady isn't unreasonable to be different!
It may be worth you considering some counselling - my late partner performed CPR on two people, one had a heart attack in the post office queue in front of him, the other was on a motorbike which hit a car - he died in hospital. Unfortunately both experiences ate away at my partner and when his mental health declined for other reasons his failure to 'save' these two people ate away at him even though he acknowledged that nothing could have been done to save them IYSWIM. xxxx

Not waded through all the replies, but it may be that the lady does not know who was first on the scene and giving CPR, or indeed been aware of what happened other than what she was told.
One of my brothers had a heart attack at a railway station and luckily for him the person next to him was an off duty medic who gave CPR - he was told this in recovery as the hospital knew the lady.
He has zero memory of most of the day from about an hour and a half before the attack to coming round post stent insertion in another hospital from the one he was first taken to post attack (about 5 hours later). His bran has just wiped the info.

Its making me think this is surely reflective of a deeper societal breakdown.

Why?

Because some people think the OP is wrong to expect a woman who nearly died and went through probably the biggest trauma of her life, to then check on her and ask if she's ok?

The OP knows how to contact the woman and ask how she is because she's a neighbour, yet she's expecting it to be the other way around.

That has nothing to do with 'societal breakdown', and everything to do with the OP being wrong to expect this woman to contact her after going through so much trauma.

I'm sure if the OP had checked on the woman, she would've got whatever it is she's looking for but after 8 weeks, it's probably too late.

WTF!
I'm reading all these posts in near shock! I'm astounded by the caviller attitudes from so many.

Its making me think this is surely reflective of a deeper societal breakdown.

My husband was in a v serious car crash when another car broke traffic lights & hit his car head first. It was v serious. The crash happened in a residential area of our city & an elderly man heard the bang & ran out. He called for help & sat with my husband until the ambulance arrived. Dh was concussed & injured & v traumatised after. Doctors said it was a whisker away from being fatal & he was immensely lucky to come away relatively ok (serious wounds & several broken bones)

As soon as he was discharged he went back to the area & found the house & thanked the man who had helped so quickly. The man was also traumatised as dh was unconscious when he was taken in the ambulance & the man didn't know if he'd made it or not. Or what the extent of the injuries were

He cried & hugged dh.

I haven't been in OP's position but I've been the mum of a child who survived a hospital cardiac arrest which is also a complex aftermath that I'm still recovering from 17 months later.

8 weeks is no time at all for the patient or their family.

Also well done to the OP, it was an amazing thing that you did. I echo the other posters who have said it might be a good idea to seek some support for yourself as talking really does help. Maybe not on Mumsnet though!

I haven't labelled anyone's behaviour as appalling. I specifically said 'i would like to think that I would thank them'. Obviously I don't know what I would do in the actual circumstances, and it might well be that I wouldn't. We all react differently. I have thanked people who have saved my life in the past, admittedly not in a similar situation to this one.

To be fair, anyone prioritising someone else over the person who nearly lost their life sound awful.

No one is suggesting that what happened wasn't understandably stressful and traumatic for the OP. Of course it was. Putting it on the person who nearly lost their life is the wrong way to handle that trauma.

It's not low-standard of behaviour to be unable to prioritise someone else's feelings after a traumatic event that centred you. Imagine, just for a teeny tiny second, how traumatising almost dying is. Not only just in that moment but also having to deal with the cause of the near death experience. The tests, the medication, potential surgery, everything that may happen as a result of that.

Then, imagine that the person who very luckily was there and stepped in to help save your life, was whining on the internet that you hadn't considered how they were feeling during all this.

Which one is exhibiting low level behaviour here?

The OP isn't wrong to feel traumatised or stressed after an understandably traumatising and stressful event that none of us would like to endure. She is wrong to expect something from the person who is even more traumatised to help her cope with it.

This is where she needs to speak to friends/family and cope with it that way. Maybe the neighbour, in time, will come around and thank the OP. Maybe she won't, but that doesn't mean she's ungrateful for the help provided in her time of need. She could very well still be reeling from the shock of it all.

I haven’t RTFT so apologies if I’m repeating what others have said.

Firstly, well done. It takes guts to actually get involved and do something, especially if it isn’t someone close to you.

I’m a Basic Life Support Instructor. Aside from the actual skills, the two things I always emphasise are the low chance of surviving an out of hospital cardiac arrest no matter how brilliant the CPR (and defibrillation) and the fact that, if the patient does survive, they may want no contact with anyone who helped.

The latter is usually a combination of reasons, including trauma and loss of memory. Most people who survive a cardiac arrest have memory gaps.

Please do seek some support for yourself and find someone with whom you can talk what happened, as often as you need.

Take care and well done

I really hope @PrincessPammy and @ScrambledEggs12 you have not read the whole thread. PPs who have been resuscitated or seen their very small child resuscitated have shared how traumatic that was and how it's taken years to get to the point of feeling able to even think about the event, and you've ignoring all their experience and trauma in favour of "I'd like to think I would" within a mere 2 months or even labelling their behaviour appalling and themselves as having a "low standard if behaviour". Other PPs who work in the area have also explained this.

I am going to put that down to a profound lack of experience of this kind of thing. The brain blocks things out, cognitive function gets impaired, your world shrinks down to survival mode and a sea of trauma. Sometimes people want to reach out and say thank you as part of them processing it but it can take many months or they may never get there. Just because some people can or do at some point, doesn't mean that everyone is able. Support in, lean out. That's how society works in a crisis.

We had a similar event with my neighbour recently (he died) and his wife has no memories of that night. She hugs me a lot now so I think she remembers something but I would honestly be horrified if she wrote me a thank you note. She is not an "appalling person" or one with "low standards of behaviour", she is one of the kindest people I've ever met and she is traumatized.

Exactly. Of course she’s traumatised (it’s basically like violently assaulting someone dying, when you feel you have no other choice), but it’s not on the other traumatised person whose life was on the line to help her get through her understandable trauma.

I mean I would say thanks, but you are making it all about you expecting her to recognise your trauma. Can't you juat be glad you've saved someone's life?

Yes, everyone's first thought after almost losing their life, and likely dealing with the trauma and medical fallout of such an occurrence is how to send a thank you card to someone else.

How selfish of them for not thinking of OP's trauma during their near death experience.

To be fair, her feelings about this shouldn't be put on the person who almost lost their life.

I understand how stressful and traumatic it would be on the OP to be in that position, but it's not reasonable to put that stress/trauma onto the person who almost died and expect them to reach out and what?

They're both traumatised in their own ways and OP needs to find someone in her life to talk to about this-not the woman who almost died.

Were they being a knob, though or just saying the truth?

The best professional CPR only has a 7% success rate.
In the vast majority cases there is nothing that can be done.

A family died 2 weeks ago. They even had an AED in the room but an hour of CPR and use of an AED were unsuccessful.

Often years, or decades, later.

It’s all “I I I” with you. The irony of mentioning different people’s experiences and then being so damning to someone who’s suffered a trauma.

you sound awful.

OP says that she has a friends who knew the woman.

I gave cpr recently to a neighbour (who I don't know but who mutual friends do).

@Rizzlekicks123 I know you said you're leaving the thread but many posts have been appalling.

Those posters need to take along hard look at themselves in the mirror.

They are clearly people with low standards of behaviour.

And presumably they have never heard requests on the radio by people who owe their lives to a stranger who saved them- and somehow want to get in touch and thank them.

Don't want to derail thread, but these were stories no proof of being real, so therefore he would come out on a positive note.

OP wasn't asking for the person to check on her.
She was hoping for some thanks and acknowledgement for saving her life.

Not for her family or the mutual neighbour/ friend to contact her is appalling.

I don't think you're unreasonable. The lady, or the family, should definitely have thanked you - that's if they actually knew it was you? In an emergency they may not have realised who you were, and the lady would have been unconscious, so no idea unless she's been told.

You clearly can’t see that people’s experiences in situations are all different.

in the situations I have been involved in I have never thought that the person should have checked on me, I have thought about the wider situation and how difficult a time that person and their family will be having. I haven’t wanted to make this worse by expecting them to be responsible for my emotions.

The OPs post is not horrible.

youve clearly never been involved in a cpr situation. It’s traumatic for everyone involved.