Gave cpr. Not heard anything from the victim. Is it ok to feel a little sad?

And there’s a way to be kind to the OP - which many of you have failed to do.

Nope, no axe to grind and you have no more reason to say she will have been told about OP’s part in it than I have. I’ve been through this with a relative. Cardiac arrest in the street. A passer by gave CPR until paramedics arrived, handed over to them and then disappeared. My relative never found out who they were because no details are taken - it’s an emergency. The CPR given by those who know what they’re doing and happen to be on hand is invaluable and OP should be proud of herself. But she should not be seeking validation from the person she saved. There are support groups she can talk things through with, without further traumatising someone who may only just be coming to terms with having faced their own mortality.

She will have been told. And sorry you are in no position to say paramedics were the real life savers. Were you there?CPR whilst waiting is sometimes vital and can save lives .You just clearly have an unpleasant axe to grind. Thankfully there are kind people like the op willing to help people.

Well what would you call it then ?

She isn’t

Of course it is. Her experience is totally different to that of Op and the reality is that after giving CPR the OP will have turned things over to the professionals who are the real life savers. Her neighbour is probably not even aware that OP was involved because the nature of the event was an emergency.

Yep. And totally different for the person whose life was nearly lost. OP did a really good thing but if she’s been left traumatised she should seek professional help rather than relying on the person she saved to grovel in gratitude.

She died.

Give the woman a break.

No it isn’t.

It’s implied. OP is looking for the person whose life she saved to support her. That’s unacceptable, not least because her neighbours’ experience will be totally different to OP’s own. She nearly died. She faced her own mortality. That’s enough to be going on with.

She could be in intensive care and it's best to give help without expectation of any reward or acknowledgement.

She did not say that. 🙄

Altho yanbu for hoping for a thank you once she's recovered

Sorry you want her, the one who had the medical emergency, to reach out to you and see how YOUR trauma is? Surely she had it worse?

Many years ago, when I was in my early 20s, I was sitting on a beach near Westbourne, Bournemouth with my late partner, when an elderly lady in a heavy astrakhan coat and handbag strode purposefully into the sea up to her waist and leaned backwards until her head went under. It was off season and there were no life guards on this part of the beach and very few other people.

My partner, who did not swim and was short and very slightly built waded into the waves fully clothed and was able to drag her back to the shore. No mobile phones in those days so someone ran to a beach cafe while we stayed with her and phoned for police and ambulance and she was taken into hospital. I don't recall how we got home. It was cold and he was soaked to the skin in his office jacket and trousers and his only pair of shoes were ruined. Possibly a police car dropped us home (it was nearly 50 years ago).

My late partner contacted the police a few days later to ask if the lady was OK. He was told that she was and that the family had told the police that she had wandered off and this was her second attempt at drowning herself in the sea.

Evidently, the family had left no message with the police to pass on their thanks for pulling their elderly relative out of the water.

For some time afterwards, I had flashbacks of this lady striding into the water, leaning backwards and going under and I did feel a bit miffed at the time that her family had not found a way to pass on their thanks. (But I'd probably feel differently now, should I find myself in a similar situation.)

We pondered about this incident a lot afterwards and wondered what her personal circumstances might have been and whether she would have been relieved to have been rescued or distressed that her decision to end her life (a decision she had apparently made at least once before) had been thwarted.

I had to perform CPR on someone and understand that you are probably suffering from some kind of trauma from it and need someone to help you process it, although the victim and their family are not the ones to help you with this.

Please see your GP or call the Samaritans and seek support from there, and look after yourself.

I completely agree.

Is it a truly selfless act if the expectation is owing a huge debt of gratitude and thanks though. I'd say not really.

No-one's saying the woman shouldn't be grateful, in fact I'm sure she is.

However, she may not have a scooby who did what when she was busy dying.

The OP could've spoken to the woman at any time when she saw her out and about and asked how she is.

Because the OP is actually hoping for some acknowledgement of the HUGELY selfless & lifesaving intervention she made that day.

She has repeatedly come back to say she expressed herself awkwardly in her 1st post & is not looking for the neighbout to support her. But that part of her had expected to hear something from the neighbour or their family.

The amount of posters saying the neighbour owes her nothing is incomprehensible to me. The neighbour may not be in a position to articulate it right now but she lost certainly owes a huge debt of gratitude to the op who saved her life!

I can completely understand your shock and upset. Having to do CPR on anyone is a very upsetting and difficult situation.
But like someone else said, support leans in. At the middle of this situation is the woman who was medically dead, then her immediate family, then you.
It's not appropriate to seek anything from the woman in the middle. Either she'll come to you in her own time, or she won't. Either way, that doesn't remove, or lessen what you did.

If you need support with processing this, then you need to turn to the next circle out from you. A partner, or immediate friends and family.

And if you need to hear it. Well done. You did a really wonderful thing, and should be, rightly, proud. You've done great things for your karmic balance!

This is one of those pay it forward moments for her and one where you can feel good having done something positive without expecting a reward (or thank you).

And there we have it. Different people respond differently to almost dying. Or we imagine we would.

Someone I know broke down a friend’s door in time to stop her dying by suicide. She never spoke to her again, and that must be 20 years ago or more.

You could get huffy and start going on about ‘ingratitude’, or you could accept that the emotions of the person whose life was saved are likely to be just as complex, if not more so, than those of the ‘rescuer’.

Have you taken her flowers and checked in on her? It was a great thing you did and you should absolutely have got a thank you from the m docs for making their job easier but in no way should you be upset that the person who had the cardiac arrest hasn't got around to tracking you down and thanking you. Last thing they need at the moment I imagine so yes yabu for that.

You don't save someone's life in the hopes of getting a thank you and some chocolates though. You do it because it's the right thing to do.

It's impossible to say what you would do in that situation unless it's actually happened to you. The lady may be out of hospital but could also still be dealing with some health issues, not to mention the trauma she has.

It isn't her job to make OP feel better because she is also going through something incredibly traumatic.