Gave cpr. Not heard anything from the victim. Is it ok to feel a little sad?

OP, hope that this thread has helped. You should ignore the snide nasty comments ( from the usual suspects!) but hopefully you find the other posts useful. It’s interesting to see even professionals can find CPR stressful. Maybe this thread will serve as your debrief. I think it would be ok to send a card.

You did an amazing thing op. I wouldn't take her lack of contact personally there could be a whole host of reasons for that.

I nearly died a few months ago after a medical emergency. I was back home 2 days later but honestly I can't describe how traumatised I was and still am by it. I cope now by trying not to think about it. I'm so grateful for the Drs, nurses, surgeons, blood donors that saved my life but at the same time I try not to remember that day. If a lay person had done for me what you did for her I really don't think I could face seeking them out right now, it's hard enough dealing with my own emotions and my families emotions with regards to what happened, I don't think I could even contemplate taking on a strangers too.

How was I wrong? OP wants the lady she gave CPR to check she is ok. How is that ok? OP needs to seek support from someone else... not the person she helped.

I have seen a post on a local FB group where a lady was found in a distressed state on a bridge. Someone's son approached her, called 999 etc... Later on, his mum posted demanding the lady on the bridge get in touch to say how she was. Poor lass was probably sectioned!

You don't help someone for thanks, and you don't help someone and expect them to check you are ok afterwards. If someone needs CPR, they will have died otherwise, and would have not been aware of what was happening and who was doing it. Chances are, this lady is still poorly and suffering the after affects of it all. She does not owe OP a check in.

OP a regret I have is never saying thank you to someone who saved someone I love. By the time I was ready to, I saw they themselves had died.

They will be grateful to you, it just may be a while before you ever talk about it.

Does the person know you gave them CPR? Does the family even know it was you?

Close family members who are more likely to know if anyone does know may also still be traumatised. 8 weeks after my son's cardiac arrest it was still incredibly raw and I was struggling with my own trauma.

@XenoBitch bloody hell, you’re full of humanity, aren’t you? Why did you think it was a good idea to post such shitty things?

@Rizzlekicks123 it is totally understandable that you have suffered trauma because of having to perform cpr.
You must’ve been shaking like a leaf for days afterwards.
The person you gave cpr to will also be suffering a very large amount of trauma too.

That being said, a MASSIVE well done to you for stepping up as you did. When life shows you how fragile and shocking it can be, it takes a long time to accept.
Get some good people around you, and as other posters have said, give yourself some extra care too. There’s some good advice here from the majority of posters.
I wish you, and the person you helped, well.

It's not unreasonable to daydream about a thank you (which is precisely what you do want). It is unreasonable to chase it up.

Attention seeking from the person who almost died could also be part of your own trauma response, and you should speak to a therapist about that.

Yes - it is entirely unreasonable of you to expect contact from anyone in that situation. The point of giving help is to give the help. There should be zero expectation of anything in return. And your comments make it seem that you're more interested in getting thanks and someone checking if YOU are okay more than to find out if the woman you helped is alright. If you wanted to reach out to them to do that you could have done that already.

Seems like you need to do a bit of soul searching and get yourself some therapy to get your value system back on track. The only feedback you should have ever needed was the joy in knowing you helped someone. Full stop.

I mean, that's exactly what it would be. OP is clued in enough to know that she can't say that out loud, but not clued in enough to realise that it's pretty obvious what she wants from the person who almost died.

Please just leave her alone. If she wants to talk to you about her horrifying trauma, she knows where you are. She nearly died. If you are experiencing trauma the very last person you should be asking to make you feel better is the person who nearly died.

Well. That's a bit selfish. For all you know the person you gave CPR to has absolutely zero recollection of who helped them - and no one has told them. They may also be utterly traumatized. The thought of even thinking about that event might be completely terrifying for them.
Surely all you need to know here is that you helped?!? Why do you need to be thanked for doing something that a good person should do? The payoff is that the lady is alive. Why isn't that good enough for you?

If you're having trouble with trauma yourself then get a therapist and talk to a professional about it - talking to the poor soul who needed CPR isn't going to do anything - if they needed CPR they were unconscious and hadn't got a clue what was going on.

It's too late to send a card.

It's been 8 weeks, it may come across as though you're fishing for thanks.

Just leave her be now and think how lucky she was that even trained first aiders have a less than 1 in 10 success rate after they've given CPR, let alone someone who just looked it up online.

You should both be thankful it worked.

Well done OP. I have been in a similar situation (more than once unfortunately) with experience of a good and not-so-good outcome.

I completely understand your feelings.
One of the people can’t remember anything but I felt I made them feel worse - they didn’t want to be the cause of my trauma. So that still didn’t bring me ‘closure’. It’s very complicated and delicate for both parties - I would be led by her.

What helped was EMDR. Your feelings are on a loop and you can’t process it properly. It releases that loop.

Also what helped is me is raising awareness about toilet design (!) and how the floor-to-door gaps can help someone who has collapsed get attention they need quickly to save their life.

You need to talk about it - the GP may be able to get you talking therapy and maybe even EMDR.

I apologise if it came over that way to you. Most people who receive even the most excellent CPR do not get return of circulation, let alone survive to make it out of hospital. I did not mean for a moment to imply that people who didn't make it must have had less good CPR, I merely wanted to reassure the OP. My condolences for your loss.

I've given CPR twice, I've not expected a thankyou or to be checked in on

I wouldn't be saying 'oh by the way it was me that saved your life' or words to that effect

Its as if you want recognition for something that most, if not all people would just do and then just carry on with their lives. Talk to someone to offload if needed but ultimately this isn't about you

i gave my dad CPR. I did it with every ounce of my being, broke his ribs, was dripping sweat by the end of it and yet he still died. I kept him alive long enough for the paramedics to take over and they got him to hospital where he died in resus.

i know you mean well in your first sentence but it’s like a dagger to the heart when you did give “fucking good quality” CPR and they died anyway.

i appreciate I’m being nit picky but the trauma of someone dying after you’ve battled to save their life is absolutely horrifying.

OP wants the woman she did CPR on to check that she is ok.

OP needs to seek support from other people, and not the lady she helped.

Paramedics don't expect the people they helped to ask if they are ok.

Hi @Rizzlekicks123

A huge well done from me. What you did was amazing, especially with no proper training. I've never been in this situation myself, but I know two other people who have done similar, without such a happy outcome, and they were both really traumatised, and both would really appreciated it if there had been a professional who had contacted them to talk it all through. Not for thanks for trying their best but for processing.

Having said that, I am just putting myself in the shoes of your neighbour. If I knew how traumatised you felt, I would feel awful, and I think it would be an unfair burden to place on them, given what they have been through, and are likely continuing to deal with. Sharing this with the person might undo the good that you did ...

We all need that validation, however, and it really sounds like you need to process it properly as this could turn into PTSD for you too. I don't know any helplines but if you feel able to contact one of the ones suggested or even your GP to be referred for some counselling, I think it would help you. It's just your neighbour is the wrong person to expect this from. You have both endured a terrible trauma.

You are an amazing human being. You saved another human's life. Be so proud of yourself and be kind to you. xxx

🌻

It's also worth mentioning even if she looks fine there may be some brain damage. Exec function impairment, personality changes, memory difficulties. She is not going to knock on your door and share all this stuff with you, but she really is the wrong person to be expecting anything from.

My mum is only in her 70s but is scared stiff of being resuscitated after she has seen friends' cognitive function being so impacted.

I actually think that this post is most unfair, without the OP, the chances are this woman WOULD have died, so while I can see that she may, for any number of reasons, not yet be in a position to thank the OP, I definitely don't think the OP is being unreasonable to expect thanks at some point.

OP, does this lady have any family, if so, I would have expected them to find you and thank you.

However, in your shoes, assuming the lady is back at home now, I would go round and check in with her to see how she's doing, as this will obviously give her the opportunity to give you the thanks that you are due.

Please don’t feel that it wasn’t appreciated. Someone helped me in a very difficult moment once; I have never forgotten it, but I had so much else to process that I just couldn’t/didn’t say thank you properly at the time. I emailed her much later to tell her how grateful I was, but it did take a long time. It was never that I didn’t care or wasn’t truly thankful for her kindness.

Does she even know it was you who gave her CPR? If no one told her, she may still have no idea at all.

My son had a cardiac arrest almost 17 months ago, he was already in hospital when it happened but only on an assessment ward. We were told gastroenteritis but it actually turned out he had septic shock caused by a bowel obstruction so went into multi organ failure. He was gone for 20 minutes and it was one of the scariest moments of my life.

He was in hospital for 10 months and we were told he probably wasn't going to make it several times. After his cardiac arrest, he was transferred to the hospital he was in for 10 months and soon after was also diagnosed with cancer so thinking about those involved with his cardiac arrest was honestly the last thing on my mind.

The hospital had a serious investigation review which happens when a child has a sudden cardiac arrest without a known cause. It took a very long time and I only received the report recently which included that some of the staff involved with his cardiac arrest struggled afterwards and needed extra support and that is when I started thinking about the other hospital and those involved right at the start.

All that to say is that she has her own trauma to deal with, not to mention dealing with other potential medical issues that at this point, especially just 8 weeks later, it may be the last thing on her mind.

I'll be returning to the first hospital my son was at in a few weeks to say thank you to some of the people who were involved with his cardiac arrest and for them to meet my son. My son is now in remission and doing well, the mental scars are healing and time has helped. 8 weeks is no time at all.

Give it time. If she knows, she still may come to you eventually.