Gave cpr. Not heard anything from the victim. Is it ok to feel a little sad?

I haven’t read the whole thread but I knew on reading the OP how some would interpret it.

The fact is that what you have been through is traumatic, OP. You saw someone nearly die and had to intervene in a real, physical way. Loads of people like to think they would help but the truth is not everyone is a rescuer. You are, and you might need a bit of help processing what happened.

As far as your neighbour is concerned what took place only happened to her. And on one level she is not wrong, but it did happen to you too.

I definitely got that you needed closure from your post. I didn’t get the “me me me” thing that others have interpreted it as. Maybe they’ve thankfully not been there and therefore don’t understand. Unfortunately people get thrown to the wolves on here. Fair play on the mouth to mouth too - we don’t do that bit! I can see how it would be grim though.

Rewind is defo worth it. Therapy techniques are horses for courses a lot of the time, but it has helped me and many others deal with horrible incidents. Best of luck and never stop feeling proud for your actions that day. Seeing people who jump in to help and just getting on with it before we get there really warms my soul! ❤️

This thread is quite funny.

I always wondered if I would do the right thing if I needed to save a life but now I know if I did I wouldn't mention it on Mumsnet because I'd be subject to abuse.

Like saying to some star, well, why should people say how great your record/ book/movie is, I mean you got paid didn't you, you utter bastard.

I think you were amazing OP. Some of the comments on here are entitled and nasty. Just no need for it when a stranger has been incredibly kind to another person and is now dealing with the trauma.
the paramedic who posted - you are very kind.

I fell over once whilst exercising. I was concussed. I am so very grateful to the strangers who stopped what they were doing and helped me. I did manage to thank one person a few months later.

Let’s be kind. A stranger saved a life. What an incredible amazing thing. I’m not sure what I would do in that situation but lots of people would not step up. Sad.

But why be so harsh to someone who saved another person's life?

All anyone needs to say is that she is probably still recovering from the experience (physically and mentally) and if the OP needs support she needs to find it from other people - eg the organisation you did your first aid course with may be able to help. Or find a mental health first aider.

I've seen a lot of stuff, including my son have a cardiac arrest which went on for an agonising 20 minutes followed by 7 weeks in intensive care and a cancer diagnosis just 1 week after his cardiac arrest. He was in hospital for 10 months in total and is now disabled.

I understand that OP is traumatised and I understand that she wants closure but none of that can be put onto the patient who is still going through her own trauma and potentially still having issues with her health.

This 100%
No offense.... this is not about you.

@Breathein I watched my son being worked on by an ambulance crew. Not for a heart issue but a prolonged seizure. It is very scary. And although OP wasn’t seeing a loved one in danger, she was taking responsibility. So like you I can completely empathise. I think some folk are lucky and perhaps haven’t seen stuff

I have watched my husband in cardiac arrest and also watched cpr. It is truly shocking and I ended up with ptsd. Anyone on this thread who doesn’t have sympathy for you as well the lady you saved have no idea what they are talking about. Join Chain of Survival on FB. Also if resuscitation took a while know that your neighbour may have memory loss and a brain injury which is very common after resuscitation because of hypoxia. Take it easy, see your GP and I recommend cbt for any anxiety. There will be a reason why the lady hasn’t thanked you and it won’t be lack of gratitude. Well done for saving a life!

How are you doing @Rizzlekicks123? I was the paramedic who commented previously. It may help you to run through this with someone you know, maybe a friend who may be in the healthcare field?

Start at the beginning, when everything was fine. Go to the first point when you were alerted to what was going on. Talk about what you did first, how you felt when you started taking action. Talk about how you felt with those first chest compressions (the worst part usually - anyone who’s had to do this will know why). Talk about how you kept your pace with your compressions etc. I’m sure it felt like forever until the ambulance arrived vs the time it actually took. Things can feel like slow motion or incredibly fast paced due to the adrenaline running through you. When the ambulance arrived, they’d have started advance life support (ALS) and this can appear to be a lot of things going on at once. There is a lot going on, but realistically this is the most regimented call we will go on. Everyone has a task to perform, furniture gets chucked out the way and lots of kit gets brought out and used at the same time.

It can be difficult with “ROSC” jobs (ie the pulse comes back and the heart starts to beat normally) for the crew to come and talk to any bystanders. There is a lot to do for the patient after to stabilise them for transport. Whereas with arrests where the patient sadly dies, there is usually time for the paramedics to sit and run through various things with family/bystanders if they wish to find out more info. I feel it was less likely you were given much feedback/discussion time due to the crews stabilising the patient. So realistically there were probably a lot of unknowns you were left with hanging in the air. If there’s anything you’d like to ask, let me know and I’ll do my best to explain things and hopefully bring you some closure.

Lastly I just wanted to say it’s completely normal to still be thinking about this for some time. Other posters have given some really helpful resources to assist you with the aftermath and I’d encourage you to take a look. However if unwanted thoughts about this traumatic event go on for an extended period or are really bothering you, I highly recommend seeking out the Rewind technique through a therapist. It helps confront the issue (as opposed to offering coping mechanisms) and has helped me out a good few times after nasty jobs x

As I’ve repeatedly said it’s not about getting a thankyou. There are many reasons one might back off and not getting a thankyou isn’t one of them.

Actually I'd say most people who jump in to help another person in a situation like this are not focusing on their motives & whether they're carrying out a 'selfless act' or not.

They're responding, in haste, to an emergency that's unfolding in front of them.

It's not actually a selfless act, it's an act of empathy. It's a split second response.

I absolutely agree with @W11df10w3r's thoughts on this.

People cope differently and also recover differently or not completely depending on the reason for the cardiac arrest or the cardiac arrest itself having lasting affects.

My son was diagnosed with cancer just a week after his cardiac arrest. I didn't have 2 minutes, life was chaotic for a very long time.

If some people would back off because they might not get a thank you when someone is dealing with their own trauma and potential medical issues then they aren't doing it for the right reason in the first place.

Didn’t say it was. You don’t save a life to process it after🤔 however somebody being able to do it again and not left with trauma, guilt, worry is important-particularly when they’ve done it twice successfully.

I don't... because that is not why you try to save a life.

This. "I want a pat on the back from the person I saved" basically.
Accept the ones from those close to you and move on.

Yes, so get support for it. But not from the people you saved.

In your option. In my opinion I think it’s important.

I said
”He was questioning if he’d do it again before he was approached by the family.”

The thanks that was a small
part of the reaching out was neither here nor there.

If the good deed was helping out at the church jumble sale or feeding next door's cat whilst they are on holiday then yes, you absolutely do put these things out of your mind when they are over. They aren't traumatic things though and are easy to dismiss. A life or death situation is different though.

I think it's fine to be sad not to have a bit of acknowledgement from the person or their family, but this can be a really complex trauma, so don't take it personally. My brother's FIL collapsed, my DB (who is CPR trained through work) raced round to the house and performed CPR until the ambulance arrived 15 minutes later to defibrillate him. The FIL was in hospital for months, it was so touch and go for him and they did not know if he would make a full recovery. The FIL is apparently very embarrassed about "the whole incident" and has never been able to speak about it to DB (although he has mentioned it to family).The whole family feel hugely indebted to him, he literally saved his life, but they are not the type to talk about it.

And several people on this thread have also been in that position, and many years later are still traumatised by the whole event. They have not been able to reach out to thank anyone... and they should not feel pressured to do so.

And as several people have pointed out, processing can be helped by various services on offer. Expectation of support from the person you have helped is unreasonable - there are numerous reasons why they wouldn’t want to - even if they actually knew who had helped them. It’s more about validation than processing. You know it and so do I.

I know... but several people have mentioned organisations that can help with laypeople who have had to do CPR etc.

All some of us is trying to say is that trying to get that support from the person they gave CPR to (or that person's family) is not the way to go about things.

Good deeds are not bound by strings or conditions. You let go as soon as it is done.