Page 5 | To hate holidays with inlaws

Givenupshopping · 27/07/2025 00:02

OP how will your DH react if you tell him that you're not going? Is he likely to turn nasty, only I get the impression he might by what you said about him being 'furious'. If so, I'd be re-thinking whether I even wanted to be with him, let alone his horrible family.

ThePure · 26/07/2025 23:55

Oceann · 26/07/2025 22:18

Go for a long weekend. That’s what I have always done with my DH family weeks. I go for 3 nights (4 when kids were younger) and he does the full week

Once upon a time when my DC were little I made the dumb mistake of me being the one to go for the whole week and DH just did the long weekend because he couldn’t get off work. It was so awful that I was in tears by the first night of being alone with them. They all
just blanked me as if I wasn’t there and I felt so alone and miserable. After that strangely I have never been able to get the time off work and DH has to take them on his own

RossGellersCat · 26/07/2025 23:42

DodecahedronCat · 26/07/2025 22:02

For the kids and my husband.
The kids love playing with their cousins and my husband wouldn't want to miss out on the family trip, his family have been doing it since he was a child with his extended family.

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And ditto word-for-word on this. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I actually did refuse to go last year as I literally reached breaking point with SiL but I know that decision hurt my MiL and DH. I honestly didn't think they'd organise another holiday as SiL revealed shortly after this that she'd been having an affair and was leaving her husband but low and behold she's planned another one this year with new fella coming along and I can't bear to hurt DH, MiL or my kids by not going again.

RossGellersCat · 26/07/2025 23:41

OP, I literally could have written your post word-for-word. My annual in-law UK holiday is next weekend. I have no advice whatsoever (I plan to drink my way through it as it's all I have left at this point), but please know you're not alone.

CrispieCake · 26/07/2025 23:28

Send your husband with the kids.

99bottlesofkombucha · 26/07/2025 23:14

Don’t go, the kids and dh can. If he doesn’t have your back to have the holiday work at all for you, I certainly wouldn’t go every year.

Tollington · 26/07/2025 23:01

Oceann · 26/07/2025 22:18

Go for a long weekend. That’s what I have always done with my DH family weeks. I go for 3 nights (4 when kids were younger) and he does the full week

Yes, this is what I do

I go for three nights, partner goes for the week.

BunnyVV · 26/07/2025 23:00

I’m betting SIL is a carbón copy of MIL
your husband is completely accepted but you’re made to feel uncomfortable or like you don’t fit in ?

monkeysox · 26/07/2025 22:37

DodecahedronCat · 26/07/2025 21:54

Every year we go on a UK holiday with my husbands family . His sister in law is the boss of the family, she makes all the plans and everyone follows her. If i ask my husband what we're doing his answer is "I'll see what SISTER says"...
SIL and I are totally different, in 13 years of knowing her she has barely had a conversation with me. I hate being around her and her idea of a holiday is not the same as mine.
I told my husband I cant stand it. He is furious and says its my problem and my bad attitude is ruining the holiday.

Say you dont want to go. Simples.

Splendiddydody · 26/07/2025 22:36

Don’t go, let him take the kids.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/07/2025 22:34

Does your husband even like you? Seems a bit of an odd response.

JadeMember · 26/07/2025 22:34

As other PP said! Plan your own holiday with your DH and DC. And if he has issues with it, say it’s not up to negotiation. That’s what will happen next holiday l

Gymmum82 · 26/07/2025 22:30

next year I’d be unable to get the time off work. What a shame he’d have to take the kids by himself. I’d then plan a lovely holiday abroad just for your family

HappilyUrbanTrimmer · 26/07/2025 22:27

DodecahedronCat · 26/07/2025 22:02

For the kids and my husband.
The kids love playing with their cousins and my husband wouldn't want to miss out on the family trip, his family have been doing it since he was a child with his extended family.

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The summer holidays are 6 weeks long.

Let the kids and husband go without you. Stay at home and work

Organise a different holiday later in the summer with the kids and no inlaws. Also without dh if he can't get enough Leave.

Life is too short to waste on miserable holidays. If you won't enjoy it do not go.

Rattai · 26/07/2025 22:24

Why do you have to go?? Let your husband take them without you

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 26/07/2025 22:22

DodecahedronCat · 26/07/2025 22:02

For the kids and my husband.
The kids love playing with their cousins and my husband wouldn't want to miss out on the family trip, his family have been doing it since he was a child with his extended family.

Show quote history

so let him take them on his own. Stay at home and keep working, then plan some annual leave for your own holiday with them.

Oceann · 26/07/2025 22:18

Go for a long weekend. That’s what I have always done with my DH family weeks. I go for 3 nights (4 when kids were younger) and he does the full week

Results9 · 26/07/2025 22:16

We holidayed with in-laws for about 10 years before I finally said enough was enough. We could only afford 1 holiday a year, and it was miserable. I did have to talk some sense into DH but now what we do is our main ‘holiday’ is with just us, and we have a weekend away later in the year with in laws. Much more manageable!

OriginalUsername2 · 26/07/2025 22:14

DodecahedronCat · 26/07/2025 22:02

For the kids and my husband.
The kids love playing with their cousins and my husband wouldn't want to miss out on the family trip, his family have been doing it since he was a child with his extended family.

Show quote history

These things come down to a battle of wills. Can you be disagreeable as SIL?

If SIL is allowed to give orders, then so are you. Tell him he’s taking the children and you’ll stay home and get some “me time”.

Solocup · 26/07/2025 22:12

It’s very likely that you’ll continue going for many years until you finally can’t bear it (possibly row with husband) and refuse to go. Then you’ll realise that nothing bad happened, you are an autonomous being and you could have not gone many years ago. Hit the fast forward button and save yourself the pain. Next time just say, oh I’m going to skip this year darling, I don’t really fancy it, you and the kids still go’ (and repeat). Then have yourself a wonderful week of silence.

CutFlowers · 26/07/2025 22:12

Is this your only holiday? If so, I would not be happy. If it is an extra one - I would probably suck it up for sake of husband/kids - or be unable to get the time off work if I really couldn't face it and let husband go alone.

Namenamchange · 26/07/2025 22:09

You don’t like sil, sounds like she doesn’t like you. Don’t go, dh can go with the dc’s and you stay home.

ThinWomansBrain · 26/07/2025 22:07

why can't DH take the DC? You chose something that you'd enjoy.
another option would be for him to choose one year, your choice alternate years. As PP has said, you don't need to live in each others pockets when there.

Cynic17 · 26/07/2025 22:07

Er, so don't go! Just let your husband go without you, and you do your own thing. It's very simple.

Pinkissmart · 26/07/2025 22:05

Can you just go for a weekend or is it overseas?