To hate holidays with inlaws

Do your IL’s pay for the holiday OP?

No fucking way would I go, or take the dc and my dh would be booking counseling if he wanted to stay married. His role is to tell them to pull their socks up and none of you are going to come on holiday where his wife/his kids mum is treated like that. Hell would freeze over before I went, and rather than arguing say calmly we should go to counselling and you can tell the counsellor why you think your wife should go on a holiday where she gets treated like crap and you just let it happen. Let’s see what the counsellor says, not to mention all of our friends. I think it’s time to tell all of our couple friends how you let your family treat me and you expect me to put up with it, and see if they look at you the same way. One more word and I will start sharing with friends because I need support here, and my husband is the problem not the support.

You do go and they blank you, you don't go and it's 'awkward'.

I'd go for awkward.

Your DH is the problem here, why doesn't he care that his family are so rude to you?

I do think it's important to know if this is their only holiday of the year

They can go together and you have a holiday on your own!

Sorry But I think it is wrong to expose kids to a situation where one parent is being ignored and isolated and kids will pick up on it. Your dh needs to grow a backbone and support you and stop being a little twat.

My ex husbands family used to go away together. We weren't given a choice on destination or duration, when etc just pay an go. I went one time in 20 years. I was called a drama queen for wanting to do something different to them. So I didn't go again. They can't make you. Just stay home. As you are there already, say today I'm going home, fors anybody want to come with me and take it from their.

As you're actually there i think you need to grin and bear it, maybe drop out of one or two of the activities gracefully. Then make plans re how to handle it for the next trip. Maybe phone the SIL in a few months and have a chat about what's planned.

Is this the only family holiday you have? Is this the main time you see DH family during the year?

Do you want to pick the destination / activities, and think those would suit the rest of the family? When you’re there, can you opt out of some of the activities or find someone else to join you - eg ‘me and fil would rather go to the museum and food market than the water park this morning, we will see you for dinner and bring back goodies’

Do you have to go on the holiday or leave DH to it? or only join them for a portion of it?

I am probably going to go against the grain here but we have all been on group holidays and trips where it's patently obvious someone is bloody miserable and making it hard for everyone else. DH's family might just have stopped trying with OP.

I am firmly of the belief that on group holidays, particularly where there is history of doing things a certain way, established over years, you should just join in or don't go.

By going and joining in you can establish new traditions

And what does your husband think about that? Why does he allow his family to treat you that way and not say anything? Ask him this.
Also ask him if he’d want an annual holiday with a family where he was clearly an outcast and no one spoke to him, and why he thinks it’s reasonable that you should have to suffer in that way?

Honestly, your husband enjoys these holidays, what he doesn’t want is for you to suck out and leave him to parent his own kids.

He gets to kick back while you do the donkey work.

So no, you aren’t stopping him and you aren’t stopping the children.

Take a week to yourself.

Why do you care about upsetting your husband when he obviously doesn't give a shit about you to let this happen?

You not going doesn’t mean your DH and kids can’t.

my mum and her sisters camped every year at same place they’d been going to since childhood. The husbands did a few days here and there (sometimes 😂) but honestly it was their family thing and me and all my cousins played with each other and we didn’t need our dads there.

Be a shame if you can’t get AL that week

I would not go this year. I just would not he cant make you.
But I'd keep it neutral emotions wise and dont bang on about the SIL so much.

Send him off on his holiday with the kids.
he wants to go on the holiday, you both want it for the kids.... so they should go... but you want to do something yourself just this one year.

A quick Google and tonnes came up

i like the look of this one
https://www.gutsygirls.co.uk/womenonlyretreats
But there's reading treats wellness retreats all kinds of everything.

Go this year, set the precedent, make an excuse and do it agaon in ur 2 and then the spell is broken and you never go again

Edit: just realised you are ON the holiday.
Honestly, its too late at this point to abandon shop.
stop talking about it to your husband and grin and bear it. Id also make sone of my own plans for my family and when SIL vomplains about HER plans be all "oh no! Dh didnt mention that - you are welcome to join us! <Warm smile>" and at least then you do what you want

In the run up to next year get your narrative straight make it about what you need not the fact they ignore you and DO NOT go. Your kids WILL be fine. Its 1 week.

I would tell him that they obviously don't want you there so you aren't going next time

Exclusion is a form of bullying. You’re married to a man who stands by and does not care that his family bully you.

I could not live with this. He’d only be telling me I was ‘ruining the holiday’ once and that prick would be served divorced papers.

There’s no point arguing with DH as you are now on the holiday.
Why haven’t you spoken to SIL when she “decides “ on the activities?
What happens when you say “I’m not interested in castles/ amusement arcade/ shopping. We’re going to the beach - welcome to join us”
If that would upset your DH then it’s your marriage not the holiday at fault.

Next year let DH go with kids without you? It sounds miserable.

But you’re allowing them to treat you like this. Grow a backbone

DH goes with your children seems the best option to me.

Your problem is your “D”H who refuses to
acknowledge the issue you or stand up and support you. Sorry but you need to leave. You are in no kind of marriage.

Well obviously if you only hang out with family you'd be insular. What an equally weird response 😆

So your kids love it, your husband is having a good time, his family are having fun... And you're just there moaning because you don't like his sister?

Sounds to me like you have a you problem.
Don't go if it's to ruin it for everyone.

But they’re blanking you so presumably that is even more awkward

life’s too short for this shit. Don’t go again. Ideally have a separate holiday with a friend or alone. Kids will be fine.